During menopause and perimenopause, sex can change.

Some body parts can feel less sensitive. Vaginal dryness is common, and changes in desire can occur, too.

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Elisabeth Neumann, a sexologist at Lovehoney, said that menopause can “make sex feel unfamiliar and frustrating, especially when things that once worked perfectly well no longer feel as comfortable”.

But, she added, “Positions can make a significant difference here”.

“Two very common experiences during (peri)menopause are vaginal dryness and pain or discomfort during intercourse,” Neumann said.

Therefore, she said, often the best positions are those which “allow for control over the speed, depth, and intensity of movement tend to feel best.

“Being on top (cowgirl) is a great option, as it allows for full control, while spooning encourages slower, more mindful movement and naturally limits depth, which can help reduce discomfort,” she added.

“Seated positions, where one partner is upright, and the other lowers down onto them, can also work well as they allow for more control and a gentler pace. Side-by-side and face-to-face positions are another good option, as they reduce pressure and allow for a more controlled, connected rhythm.”

For her part, Lovehoney’s sexual health nurse Sarah Mulindwa said: “Positions where the woman is on top are often ideal. They allow her to control depth, speed, and angle of penetration, which can help avoid discomfort and make the experience more enjoyable.

“Side-lying positions are another great option. They’re gentler on the body, reduce pressure, and can feel more relaxed and intimate, especially if energy levels are lower. Doggy style can also work well, but it’s important to adjust for comfort, for example, by using pillows for support and controlling depth.”

Ultimately, she said, the important thing is to ensure adequate clitoral stimulation, which “becomes increasingly important for pleasure during menopause”.

Neumann pointed out that you don’t have to limit yourself to a set number of sex positions just because you’re in menopause or perimenopause.

“It’s also worth starting with positions that have worked well in the past but approaching them more slowly and making small adjustments to suit how your body feels now. For example, placing a pillow under the hips in missionary can help adjust the angle, and rear-entry positions can be made more comfortable by keeping movements slow and shallow.”

Using enough lube is crucial, she added. And taking your focus away from penetrative sex might work too.

“Exploring sexual techniques that aren’t centred around penetration can really enhance pleasure,” she said.

“Oral sex and the use of sex toys can be especially helpful, and any type of external clitoral stimulation can create intense pleasure without the discomfort that penetration can sometimes bring.”