The day began the same way every day had for nearly a year, with me waking up in tears. Often I’d continue to cry all day, on and off, and sometimes I’d even howl like a wounded animal.

For that’s what I was: wounded. My 20-year marriage had ended the year before and I was still experiencing shock, loss and the pain of intense grief.

Shock at the betrayal of my husband of 20 years, Rui. Grief for the love I’d lost and for the happiness that being with my soulmate and our two teenage children had once brought me.

Not knowing how to channel that grief, I’d tried to run away from it, embarking on a period of decadence and hedonism. After all, friends kept telling me that divorce marked the start of my ‘freedom’ – that I should see it as a chance to spread my wings and ‘treat myself’.

Well, I’d certainly done that. In the nine months since our split in June 2018 I’d blown around £45,000 on designer clothes and foreign jaunts. There was the £9,000, last-minute dash to an exclusive beach club in Mykonos ‘because I deserved it’, and the £1,500 pair of Christian Louboutin boots I bought myself as a ‘divorce present’.

There were Yves Saint Laurent sunglasses, handbags from Stella McCartney and Mulberry, and thousands spent on expensive lingerie.

I’d thought this cathartic blow-out would herald in the new spirit of fun and freedom that everyone kept promising me was on the horizon.

In reality, it left me with no savings, steeped in £15,000 debt and at the point of emotional collapse.

And yet I kept on running. That evening, in March 2019, I went for dinner with friends at the Groucho Club in London – one I really couldn’t afford – where I got talking to a couple who asked if I fancied joining them on a skiing trip to Verbier.

‘Just give me enough time to organise a babysitter and I’ll be there Monday,’ I said.

I used my last £500 – actually, it wasn’t even mine, it was just the last £500 I could sneak on to my groaning credit card – and booked the flight. Everything else, I figured, I’d make up as I went along.

This trip would prove to be my last bid to party away the pain before the reality of my desperately sad – and cash-strapped – situation hit home. The following year, I would find myself a penniless divorcee, reliant on benefits to pay the rent.

It also marked a turning point because it led to me finally seeking help and finding a way out of the pit of self-destruction into which I’d cast myself – to acknowledging that the pain of heartbreak is as real as any physical ailment and should be treated as such – a message I am keen to spread to help others heal.

And, utterly unexpectedly, it also sparked a chain of events that led to me doing something I never thought possible: falling in love and, crucially, trusting again.

Of course, there was a time when I couldn’t imagine a life without my ex-husband Rui. We’d met in 1998 when I was 26 and had moved from the UK to Lisbon, Portugal, where he was an aspiring music producer.

Not long after, Rui got his first No 1 with a track he’d produced and composed and we went from scraping a living on my waitress’s tips to criss-crossing the globe with a flute of champagne in hand.

By 1999 we’d moved to London, started our own successful record label and Rui was making a name for himself as a celebrity DJ. Life was one big party. Weekends started on a Thursday and finished on Monday morning, often in a different country.

Our wedding in Las Vegas in 2000 summed up our relationship perfectly. We were wild, fun and blissfully in love. We were also a terrific team. I managed the business – and Rui’s career. Things had to change, however, when we had children.

Our son, now 24, was born in 2001 and our daughter, 22, followed two years later. I could no longer travel all over the world at a moment’s notice; they had to come first. For Rui, however, it remained business as usual. I found myself looking after both him and the children, managing the home, the school run, the grocery shopping and the bills, while he was as free-living as ever.

By 2010, however, our music business had started to wane as new acts crowded on to the market – though thankfully I found I could make good money buying foreign properties and renting them out as holiday lets.

Cracks were starting to appear in our marriage, too, ones I tried to ignore at first. I felt vulnerable and became hyper-sensitive, over-thinking everything Rui said and did.

By 2017 there were rows, horrible ones, frequently in front of the children – never a good thing. I tried to spell it out to him: how our family was on the brink of collapse, all that we stood to lose.

I was on my way to meet some friends for lunch in June 2018 when I got the text from Rui that ended my marriage – and nearly destroyed me.

I snapped, telling him to pack his bags and go. I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t trust. I don’t know how I got through that lunch. We were driving away, my friend at the wheel, when she pulled into a petrol station and I stepped out of the car and collapsed on the forecourt, howling and retching in pain.

Over the next year I began unravelling. I tried to accept the narrative being peddled by well-meaning friends (and card shops – I’d never noticed the ‘congratulations on your divorce’ cards before, but suddenly I was seeing them everywhere) that I was about to step into a new period of freedom and self-discovery.

That, as I was no longer shrinking and moulding my life to fit around my husband, I could go and have some fun and rediscover ‘me’.

The only problem was, ‘me’ still felt like a happily married, 46-year-old mother of two. This so-called freedom actually felt like a punishment.

Over the next nine months, I went on something of a rampage as I bowed to the pressure to be different to my married self. I travelled – to Crete, Mykonos and Ibiza – staying at exclusive holiday resorts and piling everything on my credit card.

I’d buy a £1,000 designer handbag with the same abandon you’d buy a pair of tights, convincing myself it was just the pick-me-up I needed.

This was my time, I told myself – my treat. After all, I’d never spent money on myself like that before. When I was married, the family had come first. But it just left me feeling all the more empty. Far from rejuvenating me, I’d never been more miserable. I was running away from the pain instead of dealing with it. I awoke crying every morning – and not just because of the hefty debts building up on my American Express card. None of my friends intervened, which I think was wise, as I wouldn’t have listened if they had. In fact, in my fragile mental state I think it would have had the opposite effect.

I really shouldn’t have gone on that final skiing trip to Verbier in March 2019 – but of course I did.

On my return, I discovered I was £15,000 in debt. I couldn’t go on living this way any more. Finally, I booked myself in for some therapy and over a course of six sessions I was able to see that I was experiencing trauma.

Looking back, I realise I would have been better off spending my money on therapy rather than luxury holidays and fancy clothes.

For there were plenty more challenges ahead. In the 12 months that followed, Covid struck, crippling my rental properties business and leaving me – a woman who once travelled first class – a penniless divorcee, saddled with enormous debt and no income. It forced me to reassess everything. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. I signed up for Universal Credit to pay the rent on my London flat.

But when you hit rock bottom, life has a way of sharpening your instincts. You look at opportunities differently, become braver about saying yes to things you might have turned down before – and learn quickly that you’re more resourceful than you realised.

And so, I took out a loan, which I used to work on a business idea that had been at the back of my mind for some time: ‘divorce and grief’ retreats for those devastated by loss, just like me.

It felt like I could use my experience to help others navigate this painful and difficult path, when you suddenly find yourself, in your late 40s, single again. My advice to other women going through financial hardship after divorce is to cut back where you need and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

But most importantly, start thinking about what you can build next rather than what you’ve lost. If you keep thinking negatively, you’re blocking anything positive from coming your way.

I don’t see it as a coincidence that around this time Justin came my way. After my return from that skiing trip, some friends I’d met out there invited me to dinner and introduced us.

A no-nonsense entrepreneur with his own property business, and a divorced parent like me, Justin was the polar opposite to Rui. We became a couple in 2020.

The pull was instant for both of us and with him I’ve been able to do so many things I never had – because my entire focus had been on Rui and his wants and needs.

Like me, Justin loves to travel – not from party venue to party venue, but hiking, exploring and diving. Suddenly it was time to discover a new me – not the brokenhearted me, prowling Selfridges with a credit card and tear-stained face, but a me who climbed the highest peak in Madeira and went trekking through the mountains of Chiang Mai. Slowly, too, my Mending Hearts retreats business took off.

Our first retreat was in East Sussex in 2020 and we’ve since expanded worldwide, hosting sessions in Spain, Greece, Morocco, Portugal and Thailand, attracting women and men from all over the world. What started as a place for people to process heartbreak has grown into something much bigger – a supportive community where people rebuild confidence, form genuine friendships and begin the next chapter of their lives together.

I’m even thinking of launching a men-only retreat. I’ve found many men will bounce from relationship to relationship after a break-up, without ever really addressing what’s going on underneath. I want to change that.

With my divorce settled and my equilibrium restored, Justin and I married at a villa in Ibiza last year. My son gave me away and my daughter was bridesmaid; they absolutely adore him and look at him as family.

I’ve forgiven Rui for his betrayal. In fact, I even thank him. Unexpected as they were, his actions have given me a fantastic life.

It’s not the ‘freedom’ that my friends – and all those divorce congratulations cards once promised – but I feel so much freer for having left that period behind me.

• The next Mending Hearts retreat takes place in Koh Samui, Thailand, from May 4 to 10 (mendingheartsretreat.com). Prices from £3,550 for six nights.

• As told to Julia Lawrence

Dull. Boring. Disappointing.

These are not the adjectives you want to describe your next city break, but after booking flights to Bratislava, this is what the internet offered up to me.

‘The most boring capital city I’ve ever been to,’ is a much-upvoted post on Reddit, in reference to the Slovak capital.

Back in the 90s, travel guru Simon Calder wrote of its ‘dismal reputation’ and its rather cruel nickname: ‘Prague’s ugly sister’. Ouch.

At the airport, a group on a hen do asked where my bestie and I were headed.

Our answer was met with a shrug and a ‘never heard of it’ — a marginal improvement over being informed that the place is rubbish, yet again.

But I’m here to tell you that while it might be one of Europe’s smallest capital cities, Bratislava is not to be underestimated.

Here’s how to spend a thoroughly enjoyable weekend in Europe’s ‘Little Big City’ that deserves to shake off its bad reputation.

Day 1

Straddling the Danube and bordering the Austrian and Hungarian frontiers, Bratislava’s magic lies in its Old Town, a largely pedestrianised area with charming squares, attractive buildings and thriving cafe culture.

This is the kind of city you go to to actually relax. You don’t need to do much in the way of planning, you can amble around, with a partner or your pals, giving them — and the city — your full attention.

And as you wander, the first thing you’ll need to do is grab breakfast. Bratislava claims to have more coffee shops per square kilometre than any city in Europe — there’s literally one on every corner, so you’re spoilt for choice.

I stopped by Bloom Bakery for a coffee and Bratislavské rožky — Bratislava roll, a horseshoe of pastry with poppy seeds or a rich, walnut filling. Highly recommend. They bake all their stuff on site.

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Sip, savor, and explore Bratislava’s coffee culture! ☕ Calling all coffee lovers! Get ready to embark on a caffeinated journey through the charming streets of Bratislava. Discover with Denisa selection of our heartwarming favorites. ☕ likealocalwithdenisa While these are just a few of our cherished coffee spots, Bratislava has a rich coffee culture waiting to be explored further. ☕🌍 So, add a coffee adventure to your Bratislava itinerary and let the flavors of this charming city awaken your inner explorer! 🗺️☕ . . . . . bratislava bratislavacity thisisslovakia thisisbratislava slovakia discover_bratislava discover_slovakia_ europe_vacations europetravel europe_photogroup europe_gallery photooftheday photoeveryday loves_united_slovakia ig_bratislava ig_slovakia visitbratislava bratislava visitslovakia slovakiagoodidea goodideaslovakia city travel europe centraleurope 72hourcity coffee coffeelovers coffeetime coffeeinbratislava

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Other decent spots are Kauka, with its aesthetic pink interiors, and Blue Mondays, which has an outdoor terrace.

On the fringes of the Old Town, there’s also the glass-fronted Propeller, where you can sip a flat white overlooking the Danube.

Sightseeing is a pretty light lift in Bratislava, but I liked that it was low stakes without the pressure of a strict itinerary. You can mooch around, popping into one of the many concept stores and drinking more coffee in between ticking things off the tourist trail.

Check out Michael’s Gate, the last remaining medieval city gate in Bratislava, admire St Martin’s Cathedral, a beautiful church inside and out, and take a picture with Cumil, Bratislava’s notorious sewer worker statue that pops up out of a manhole cover.

A (steep) walk up to the castle is rewarded with views over the city. From the top, you can see UFO, a road bridge complete with a flying saucer-shaped observation deck.

For lunch, swing by colourful sister restaurants Brixton House and Urban House. They serve small plates and familiar international favourites (gyoza, cacio e pepe, steak) in a buzzy atmosphere.

Then, to finish, walk to the highly Instagrammable Blue Church on the edge of the Old Town.

Often compared to an iced cake or a marshmallow thanks to its powder blue facade, the small Art Nouveau church, with its curved edges and whimsical vibe, is not to be missed.

Once you’ve had your fill of sights, I beg you to book a spot on a wine tasting at the Slovak National Collection of Wine.

The experience is listed on a couple of travel blogs, but frankly, I don’t know why this isn’t plastered on billboards as soon as you land in the airport.

For £42 (booked via Get Your Guide), you’re invited to try 80 wines in 100 minutes. Challenge accepted.

Upon entering a small wine cellar in the Old Town, I was given an empty glass, a bread basket and two magic words: ‘free pour’.

While Peter, the friendly sommelier, is happy to chat about top notes and legs, he’ll also leave you to roam the three rooms (sparkling, red and white) freely, drinking as much (or as little) as you like.

If you’re a real wine connoisseur, there are probably more informative experiences, but I can guarantee they won’t be as fun.

The last 100-minute tasting of the day is at 4pm, just in time to stumble out in search of dinner.

The Slovak Pub is the largest bar in the city and a favourite among students and tourists — staff wear t-shirts emblazoned with the words ‘Bar-Slava’. It’s a rustic vibe with wooden beams and a maze of different rooms.

I won’t pretend to be an expert in central European cuisine but I enjoyed tucking into the Slovak dishes, particularly the cheesy garlic soup, served in a bowl made out of bread, and the potato dumplings.

Be sure to try the national dish, Bryndzové Halušky, smaller potato dumplings (kind of like gnocchi) mixed with cheese and topped with crispy bacon.

If you want to keep the drinks flowing, the Old Town has bars and pubs aplenty. Bratislava is stag-do central, but the vibe was friendly and fun rather than obnoxious.

There are, of course, Irish pubs, the mainstay of stag-do destinations the world over (and the cost of a pint here averages at around just £2.20). End the night at the underground Goblins Pub or the Dubliner, where I stayed until close, dancing (badly) to the live band. If someone offers you a shot of Bošácka Slivovica, just say no.

If you’re looking for something a little more sophisticated, head to Michalska Cocktail Room, a speakeasy accessible via a wardrobe, or the late-night Bukoswki Bar, open until 3am on Friday and Saturday.

Day 2

Okay, so technically I didn’t spend my Sunday in Bratislava.

Instead, I booked a spot on a day trip with TrailTails’ From Bratislava (£110 on TripAdvisor.)

More than a little bleary-eyed after the wine, the 6.30am call time was a lot.

Mercifully, our driver, Lucky, greeted us with snacks and water right outside the hotel, then swiftly stopped for coffee. Five stars.

The day trip is an undertaking. By the afternoon, you’ll end up more than 200 miles away from the city, not far from the Polish border in the High Tatras mountains, which are known as Europe’s ‘mini Alps’.

Before that though, your first stop is the village of Čičmany.

Officially a protected monument, people come here to visit the black timber houses, each painted with intricate patterns.

Lucky tells us that around 200 years ago, a local woman ‘got bored’ and decided to get crafty with a paint brush. Others followed suit, and now each house is a work of folk art.

There’s something slightly weird about the village, though. It’s incredibly quiet (even the dogs weren’t barking) but the houses are worth a visit. There’s a shop and cafe, too.

The next stop is the fairytale Bojnice Castle, which dates back to 1113 and is one of the oldest in Slovakia.

Set on a lake in a landscaped park, it’s a beautiful place to wander around, and there’s another cute cafe to get yourself some more delicious Bratislava rolls.

If you have time to go inside, you can get a guided tour of the cave hidden beneath the castle.

Stop three is – you guessed it – another castle, Orava Castle, famous for being the filming location for 1922 horror, Nosferatu.

It’s a little creepy, and there are a lot of stairs, but the views are worth it.

The best bit about this stop though has to be the lunch at Thurzov Mlyn, a few steps from the castle. More garlic soup and dumplings were ordered, along with schnitzel, fried cheese and more red wine.

Then finally, it’s off to the mountains, and the ski resort of Štrbské Pleso. The scenery is breathtaking: snow-capped peaks, a frozen lake, and icicles hanging off the trees.

While Lucky encouraged our group to take a walk around the lake, I opted for a less treacherous option: a hot drink under a blanket at SIH Restaurant, overlooking the water.

It’s a stunning sight, and hard to believe you’re just hours from the sunny little streets of Bratislava.

The journey back from the High Tatras takes about three hours.

It’s a long old day, and if you’d rather spend it bopping around the Old Town, drinking more wine and walking along the banks of the Danube, then that works, too.

But to glimpse a side of Slovakia that so few see, this was a good way to do it.

How to get to Bratislava

Ryanair flies direct from London Stansted to Bratislava, with one-way flights currently available for as little as £14.99.

Bratislava Airport is just 9km from the city centre, making transfers easy. Avoid local taxis (I was quoted €35) and catch the bus, which stops outside of the airport and costs just €1.60. Tickets can be purchased via the app.

Ubers and Bolts are cheap to, with the journey costing around €12.

Some travellers also choose to fly in and out of Vienna, Austria, which is less than an hour away.

Fun fact: Bratislava and Vienna are the two closest capital cities in Europe, at just 31 miles apart.

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Montreal families of children with disabilities say they’ve been left scrambling after a specialized summer camp was cancelled due to planned renovations with no alternative in place.

Camp Massawippi, which operates out of the Mackay Centre School in Notre-Dame-de-Grace, will not run this summer because of maintenance work on the building.

The camp has long provided structured programming for children aged five to 21 living with significant physical disabilities.

For families like Caline Saleh’s, the news came as a shock.

“It was shocking news for us …because as parents we rely on this camp for him to stay in the system. If he doesn’t go to the camp, it’s going to be a very hectic summer for us,” she said.

Her son has attended the camp for years, and she says it plays a critical role in maintaining routine and stability beyond the school year. Camp Massawippi says the decision to cancel was not theirs.

“We were informed by our partners that there were some repairs in the school that we’re using and it was impossible to use part of the school or part of the year, in terms of certain weeks, that was also something that was explored, so that site was unavailable.”

The English Montreal School Board (EMSB), which owns the building, said the renovations must be completed during the summer months.

“Could other measures be found? We’re certainly looking into that. But it’s a one-time thing — it’ll be a better building for students and for future campers,” said EMSB spokesperson Mike Cohen.

“We completely understand the position parents are in and we wish there was an alternative.”

While some parents acknowledge the need for repairs, many say the lack of a backup plan is what’s most concerning.

“There’s a few other sites that have been mentioned and I haven’t gotten satisfactory responses to why none of that was possible,” said parent Caroline Elias. Others say the short notice has left them with few options.

“I’m working full-time, my husband has planned obligations, we got the notice very late and in a short time, so we don’t know what we’re going to do.”

Families say the camp is more than just a summer activity, it is a vital support system for children who require specialized care and familiarity.

“We feel that Mackay and the camp is the safest place for them. He’s very attached to the school and the camp, so it’s shocking for him and it’s very sad. It’s affecting him,” Saleh added.

Parents say they are now hoping the school board can find an alternative before summer begins.

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While you may have heard old wives’ tales about masturbation being bad for your health, according to science it’s actually the exact opposite.

Research shows that ejaculating as much as once every day can really limit the chances, while another study suggests a staggering 21 orgasms a month reduces a man’s likelihood of prostate cancer by 20%.

This comes as scientists recently revealed global deaths from the disease are likely to double in the next 20 years.

Orgasming 21 times a month yields impressive results for disease prevention, compared to men who come just four to seven times a month, who have a higher chance of getting prostate cancer.

The study, published in European Urology followed 32,000 men for 18 years and found that the more they came, the lower the risk of cancer.

Harvard Medical School and Brigham and Women Hospital scientists also found men reap the benefits from ‘me time’ or wet dreams, with daily ejaculation proving an effective form of masturbation or intercourse.

We wish we could tell you why this is the case but the experts aren’t exactly sure. They have theorised though, and Dr. Anne Calvaresi, the chair of the Urology Care Foundation’s Prostate Health Committee, suggests ejaculation may protect the prostate by flushing out harmful chemicals that build up in semen.

She also explains it is possible men who ejaculate more may have healthier lifestyle habits that decrease their odds of being diagnosed with the disease.

So, if you’re looking to up your orgasm quota, we’ve enlisted the help of Dr Gigi Engle, certified sexologist and sex expert at sextoys.co.uk, to give you some interesting ways to spice up your solo masturbation.

First step first, Gigi says to get the prostate involved and it’s something you can do solo or with your other half.

‘Men can have prostate orgasms without stimulation to the penis. The orgasm from your prostate is a full body orgasm, and you feel a tingly sensation all over,’ Gigi tells Metro.

‘To reach it, you insert a finger or toy into the rectum, hooking up towards the belly button. The prostate feels like a rough-textured gland. The receiving partner may enjoy a variety of different types of prostate stimulation – varying from circular motions, to in-and-out penetration. It’s highly subjective and different people enjoy different things.’

Next Gigi suggests using a masturbation sleeve and recommends the Tenga Flex.

‘It has a ribbed and grooved design to help men enjoy masturbation to the fullest extent. This toy has all the manoeuvrability of jelly toys, with much easier disinfection and better quality material. Simply apply lubricant, and slip the sleeve over your member,’ says Gigi.

If you find you’re flagging a little, take yourself into a different room rather than the bedroom because different surroundings can really help your sex drive.

Gigi explains: ‘The bedroom might be the simplest place to get it on, but a change of scenery can really up the fire on your sexual mood.

‘Going outside the bedroom can give us taste of the unknown that we crave. Humans really need novelty to keep their sexual interest high.’

Prostate cancer: The facts

The prostate is a gland. It is usually the size and shape of a walnut and grows bigger as you get older. It sits underneath the bladder and surrounds the urethra, which is the tube that carries urine (wee) out of the body. The prostate’s main job is to help make semen – the fluid that carries sperm.

Prostate cancer can develop when cells in the prostate start to grow in an uncontrolled way.

Some prostate cancer grows too slowly to cause any problems or affect how long you live. Because of this, many men with prostate cancer will never need any treatment.

But some prostate cancer grows quickly and is more likely to spread. This is more likely to cause problems and needs treatment to stop it spreading.

In the UK, about 1 in 8 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime. We don’t know exactly what causes prostate cancer but there are some things that may mean you are more likely to get it – these are called risk factors.

There are three main prostate cancer risk factors, which are things you can’t change. These are: 

Source: Prostate Cancer UK

This article was originally published April 13, 2024.

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DEAR ABBY: For four years, I tried to get my stubborn husband to get his hearing checked, once I realized it was decreasing. When he finally did, he had lost a significant amount. Now he seems to be declining mentally, and he refuses to get a checkup. I have told him that if he does not get himself checked out now to hopefully stop or slow down the process, I will not be there for him when he is in serious decline. Do you have any advice? — ULTIMATUM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ULTIMATUM: This is a tough one. When dementia starts happening, the person doesn’t always recognize what’s occurring. I am hoping that your husband has a doctor he sees annually for routine checkups. If he does, contact the doctor and explain your concerns so he or she can start “casually” evaluating your spouse during the next visit. 

If he doesn’t have a doctor, reach out to the Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) for specific advice on how to proceed. Be patient and persistent. The changes you are perceiving are not your husband’s fault. The reason he is resistant to getting help may be fear.

---

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter entered her teens, she and her friends began borrowing each other’s clothes. I didn’t approve, and I warned my daughter that if anything became lost or damaged, I would not be responsible, nor would I replace the item. She said she understood and continued the practice.

As I predicted, some of her clothes went missing or were damaged. One particular incident occurred when she borrowed a tennis sweater from a casual friend whose parents I was not friendly with. When I unloaded the hamper to do the laundry, unbeknownst to me, the sweater fell in with other clothes that did not require special care. 

I first noticed the sweater when I retrieved the clothes from the dryer. It had shrunk. When I pointed this out to my daughter, she just shrugged and gave it back to her friend. Soon after, I received an angry phone call from the girl’s mother demanding that I reimburse her $75 for the sweater, which her daughter had loaned to mine without her permission. 

I told her about my conversation with my daughter involving the practice of borrowing clothes and said that since her daughter loaned the sweater WITHOUT her permission, her daughter should assume responsibility. She became furious with me, going on and on about how much she loved the sweater, but I stood firm. Was I wrong? — TEACHABLE MOMENT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TEACHABLE MOMENT: You should not have been responsible for reimbursing the mother for the sweater. Before loaning it to your daughter, the girl should have asked her mother’s permission, just as your daughter should do before she lends one of her garments to anyone. If anyone owes that mother for the sweater, it is your daughter, who broke the rule, which resulted in the item being damaged.

---

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter entered her teens, she and her friends began borrowing each other’s clothes. I didn’t approve, and I warned my daughter that if anything became lost or damaged, I would not be responsible, nor would I replace the item. She said she understood and continued the practice.

As I predicted, some of her clothes went missing or were damaged. One particular incident occurred when she borrowed a tennis sweater from a casual friend whose parents I was not friendly with. When I unloaded the hamper to do the laundry, unbeknownst to me, the sweater fell in with other clothes that did not require special care. 

I first noticed the sweater when I retrieved the clothes from the dryer. It had shrunk. When I pointed this out to my daughter, she just shrugged and gave it back to her friend. Soon after, I received an angry phone call from the girl’s mother demanding that I reimburse her $75 for the sweater, which her daughter had loaned to mine without her permission. 

I told her about my conversation with my daughter involving the practice of borrowing clothes and said that since her daughter loaned the sweater WITHOUT her permission, her daughter should assume responsibility. She became furious with me, going on and on about how much she loved the sweater, but I stood firm. Was I wrong? — TEACHABLE MOMENT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TEACHABLE MOMENT: You should not have been responsible for reimbursing the mother for the sweater. Before loaning it to your daughter, the girl should have asked her mother’s permission, just as your daughter should do before she lends one of her garments to anyone. If anyone owes that mother for the sweater, it is your daughter, who broke the rule, which resulted in the item being damaged.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: At sundown, it is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. — LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069

When Melbourne mum and business owner Daniela Birch tells people she is 54, the reaction is often disbelief.

Friends assume she is at least a decade younger. Social media followers regularly message asking what she does to maintain her glowing skin and high energy. Even casual acquaintances have commented that she seems to have ‘stopped ageing’.

For Daniela, the answer is not a miracle product or cosmetic treatment. She is quick to point out that her approach has not involved cosmetic procedures or medical intervention. Daniela says she has never had fillers or surgery, does not rely on prescription medication and even prides herself on not needing glasses in her fifties.

Instead, she believes the foundation of her youthful appearance lies in a deeply personal but often overlooked aspect of wellbeing.

‘A healthy sex life keeps you vibrant,’ she tells the Daily Mail. ‘It keeps your confidence high, your energy high and your connection to yourself strong. After intimacy, I genuinely feel more alive.’

While she laughs at how confronting that idea might sound to some women, Daniela is adamant that emotional and physical connection has played a significant role in how she looks and feels in midlife.

‘I think many women quietly lose that part of themselves,’ she says. ‘But feeling desired and comfortable in your own body radiates outward. It changes the way you carry yourself.’

Her relationship of more than seven years, she says, has given her a renewed sense of confidence and femininity that she believes contributes to her youthful outlook.

‘It’s not just about the physical act,’ she explains. ‘It’s about feeling joyful, relaxed and connected. That combination has a powerful effect on your overall wellbeing.’

A life built around freedom and wellbeing

Unlike many women navigating demanding work schedules and family logistics, Daniela has spent much of the past three decades living a more unconventional lifestyle.

She works for herself and has frequently travelled overseas for extended periods, most recently spending several months in the United Kingdom before returning to Australia.

‘I’ve lived quite freely for many years,’ she says. ‘I don’t have the same pressures that come with a very structured life. 

‘That sense of independence has allowed me to focus on what makes me feel grounded and energised.’

She believes reducing chronic stress has been one of the most important factors in maintaining her vitality.

‘In my thirties and forties, I was a single mum and life felt hectic,’ she says. ‘Now I allow myself stillness. I don’t rush unnecessarily. That shift has made a real difference.’

Eating patterns that support energy

Daniela’s daily routine begins with what she describes as a gentle digestive ritual.

She starts her morning with a warm turmeric-based drink, often combined with lemon, apple cider vinegar and cayenne pepper.

‘It’s about waking up the digestive system before anything else,’ she explains.

She then delays her first meal until mid-morning, practising intermittent fasting in a way that feels sustainable for her body.

‘I don’t usually eat until around 10.30 or 11,’ she says. ‘I find I function better when I give my system a longer overnight break from food.’

Rather than following traditional meal structures, she tends to eat lightly throughout the day.

‘My body doesn’t enjoy heavy meals,’ she says. ‘Sometimes I’ll only have one main meal. I also try to finish eating earlier in the evening so digestion doesn’t interfere with sleep.’

Her diet is predominantly vegetarian and focused on whole foods such as smoothies, salads and simple vegetable-based dishes. She avoids highly processed foods and is cautious about sugar intake.

‘I pay attention to how different foods make me feel,’ she says. ‘If something leaves me sluggish or bloated, I reassess whether it’s right for me.’

Cleansing routines and supplements

Daniela also incorporates periodic cleansing practices into her routine, including occasional juice fasts or water only fasting days when she feels she needs a reset.

‘It gives the body a chance to rest and recalibrate,’ she says. ‘We often underestimate how much pressure constant eating places on our systems.’

She takes a variety of supplements, including magnesium and products recommended by her naturopath to support detoxification and energy.

‘I haven’t relied on conventional medication for many years,’ she says. ‘I prefer to explore natural approaches first where possible.’

Protecting her mindset

While physical habits form part of her approach, Daniela insists that mental wellbeing has been equally important.

Her mornings often include quiet reflection or meditation before she begins work or checks her phone.

‘I tune into my thoughts and how I’m feeling,’ she says. ‘If something feels heavy or negative, I consciously work to shift that mindset.’

She also limits exposure to distressing news or social media content that she feels can drain emotional energy.

‘What you consume mentally shows up physically,’ she says. ‘Constant negativity can affect your expression, your posture and your overall presence.’

Surrounding herself with positive, supportive people has also been a deliberate lifestyle choice.

‘You become the energy of the company you keep,’ she says. ‘If relationships feel stressful, that eventually takes a toll.’

Confidence as a daily practice

Daniela has long enjoyed beauty and self-care rituals, viewing grooming as a way to honour herself rather than chase perfection.

‘I’ve loved makeup since I was young,’ she says. ‘Looking after your appearance is not about vanity. It’s about self-respect and confidence.’

That confidence, she believes, has strengthened with age.

‘In your fifties you begin to understand yourself better,’ she says. ‘When you feel secure in who you are, it changes the way you move through the world.’

Choosing vitality

Ultimately, Daniela believes ageing well is less about chasing youth and more about making conscious lifestyle decisions.

‘It was a choice,’ she says. ‘I decided I wanted to feel vibrant in my fifties. Just because we get older doesn’t mean we have to accept feeling tired or invisible.’

Her advice to other women is to start by identifying what drains their energy and making gradual changes.

‘That could be simplifying your diet, creating stronger boundaries with people or allowing more time for rest,’ she says.

‘Start small. When you feel better physically and emotionally, it builds momentum.’

For Daniela, youthfulness is not a destination but an ongoing practice rooted in joy, connection and authenticity.

‘When you’re living in alignment with yourself, it shows,’ she says. ‘People see that glow. And that, more than anything, is what keeps you looking and feeling young.’

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They’re a rare A-list couple whose relationship has stood the test of time – and Sting and Trudie Styler’s secrets to a longstanding romance are far from conventional.

Throughout their 33 years of marriage The Police frontman (real name Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner), 74, and his actress wife, 72, have shared insights into their weird and wonderful life together, from advocating for tantric sex and the power of meditation to adopting a diet based on teachings from Zen Buddhism.

Despite their spiritual tendencies, Sting and Trudie are no strangers to indulging in the finer things, with the singer recently making headlines for purchasing an £80,000 bath for his palatial home in Italy.

The tub, crafted from marble and featuring intricate mosaics, proudly sits at his Sorrento property overlooking the Bay of Naples – and is a likely feature during his FaceTime calls, given that he likes to ring his famous friends, including Sam Smith, from the bathroom.

Spending time in the tub is probably the ideal method for the couple to relax after a yoga session, a practice that both Sting and Trudie regularly preach the benefits of.

‘I have always believed since a young child that moving the body stilled my mind,’ Trudie said on Instagram, continuing, ‘As someone who has ADHD, I’ve always noticed that I feel better after getting on the mat than before it.’

Sting, meanwhile, admitted in an interview with his yoga instructor that he had started yoga later in life, aged 38-39.

The singer, who shares four children with his wife Trudie – Mickey, Jake, Eliot and Giacomo – told the White’s White Lotus Retreat: ‘I have been through various fitness regimes before, you know. I used to run about five miles a day, and I did aerobics for a while.

‘I always stayed fit because I’m a performer, and all of those things help me to perform.

‘But it wasn’t until I met Danny Paradise, who became my mentor in Yoga, that I started the practice which I feel I will stay with for the rest of my life,’ he added.

When he hit 60, he told Energy Times: ‘I perform on stage in much the same way I did when I was in my 20s or teens, and I’m doing it just as efficiently.

‘Two decades of yoga has given me two extra decades of this career. I wouldn’t be able to do it if I was out of shape,’ he added.

The singer is so dedicated to the practice that he is known to do his yoga even when away on tour.

In 2021, while on Lorraine Kelly’s ITV show, he joked his good looks were due to ‘vanity and a little bit of discipline,’ before adding, ‘I studied yoga for 30 years. But everything becomes yoga after a while.’

In addition to yoga, the singer also revealed that he ‘swims every day… I like to walk, and I sing.’

In 2021, he shared the secret to his washboard midriff in a TikTok video where he demonstrated his ‘perpetual crunch.’

The Message In A Bottle hitmaker lay on his back, tensing and stating, ‘Getting my tummy nice and hard’ as he showed off his incredible fitness.

He urged his fans to take up the Sting perpetual crunch challenge, writing: ‘You can do it.’

Yoga isn’t the only form of exercise that the couple get – and both have advocated for tantric sex, with Sting having once made a throwaway comment about having seven-hour-long steamy sessions with his partner in the 1990s.

In the 2003 Guardian interview, the singer scoffed when he was asked whether he had any advice for people considering trying tantric sex themselves, telling his interviewer the practice is about ‘the journey’; adding ‘it’s not f******* for eight hours.’

However, Sting did give more detail about his tantric connection with his wife, with whom he calls his ‘church,’ and added that sex was only the surface of a deep, meaningful relationship.

He added the practice of tantra was about how you connect with your partner, which can happen at different times throughout the day, from the way you look at them to running them a bath or giving them a massage.

In 2014, he further clarified his comments during an interview for the Bravo series Inside the Actor’s Studio.

‘The idea of tantric sex is a spiritual act. I don’t know any purer and better way of expressing a love for another individual than sharing that wonderful, I call it, ‘sacrament.’ I would stand by it. Not seven hours, but the idea.’

He then quipped, ‘Seven hours includes movie and dinner,’ generating laughs from the audience.

Exercise and play aside, Sting follows a macrobiotic diet, a holistic, plant-based approach focusing on whole grains, locally grown vegetables, and sea vegetables.

He’s credited his shape to his diet, which aims to avoid toxins and processed food that contains preservatives. The diet also centres around low consumption of meat, dairy and sugar.

Sting and his wife Trudie moved their family to the £7 million Lake House Farm in Wiltshire in 1991 and adopted a self-sufficient diet, growing organic vegetables ever since.

The singer’s family own a flock of free-range chickens, as well as their own trout lake and even bee hives for honey.

In her 1999 book, The Lake House Cookbook, Styler wrote: ‘I decided that I would only be satisfied if I knew exactly what we were putting on our plates.’

She also revealed that the couple enjoys a conscious approach to eating, and believes that the way ‘We treat our own bodies is by extension the way we treat the planet.’

So devoted is the singer to his diet that he reportedly keeps his own personal chef on tour with him to keep it up while he is away from home.

Over at their Tuscan property, the couple follows a similar ethos – and make wine, thanks to their sprawling vineyard – but with their typically unconventional twist, the organic bottles are named after Sting’s songs, including Message in a Bottle.

Last year, four million Nationwide customers received £100 each as part of the building society’s Fairer Share Payment initiative.

As Nationwide shares profits among members (rather than shareholders), the annual scheme has seen more than £1 billion issued as one-off loyalty ‘reward’ bonuses in the three years since its inception.

Whether it’ll return for 2026 likely won’t be confirmed until May. If it does, though, doing the groundwork now will ensure you’re in the best possible position to get hold of this welcome cash boost.

In the latest edition of his newsletter, Martin Lewis shared the Money Saving Expert (MSE) guide to maximise your chances for Nationwide’s ‘free’ £100.

Using Fairer Share eligibility from previous years, the site’s consumer finance gurus explain that qualifying ‘depended on whether you met the qualifying criteria in the first three months of the year.’

As such, it’s ‘likely your last chance to qualify’ — but existing customers and newbies alike can get everything in order with just a few simple (albeit slightly different) steps.

Existing Nationwide customers

Assuming the initiative comes with the same prerequisites as before, MSE says the first thing you need to do is keep any Nationwide current account(s) open until at least March 31, 2026.

Secondly, you have to use your current account during the first three months of the year, although what this entails depends on the type of account you hold:

• FlexAccount, FlexBasic, FlexDirect: Either receive £500 and make two payments out of your account, make at least 10 outgoing payments, or complete a full current account switch from another provider to Nationwide.
• FlexOne, FlexGraduate, FlexStudent: Either make at least one payment in or out of your account in March 2026, or complete a full current account switch to Nationwide FlexOne or FlexStudent (not FlexGraduate) by March 31, 2026.
• FlexPlus packaged account: No payments in or out are required here, but you need to keep up with your fees to be eligible.

The third and final step is to ensure you have at least £100 in savings or owe at least £100 on a mortgage with Nationwide in March 2026.

If you don’t have either of these products with the building society, MSE claims it might be a good idea to ‘stick £100 (or maybe £200 to be safe in case it changes its terms) into one of its savings accounts.’

New Nationwide customers

If you aren’t a member but want to put your hat in the ring for a potential Fairer Share bonus payout, you’ll need to switch your current account over to Nationwide by March 31, 2026, at the very latest.

According to MSE, the £175 bonus, 5% interest on up to £1,500 deposited, and up to £5 a month cashback on debit card spending for a year, offered when you sign up to a FlexDirect account, ‘makes it a good all-rounder.’

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Better still, though, ‘if Nationwide keeps the same eligibility criteria as previously, it’s easier to get the Fairer Share payment by switching than it is being an existing customer, as fewer rules apply.’

Keep in mind, you must use the official Current Account Switch Service (CASS) to qualify, which you’ll see as an option when applying. And since the process normally takes seven working days to go through, it’s better to do so earlier rather than later.

After you switch, MSE says you’ll also need to have at least £100 in a Nationwide savings account or at least £100 left on a Nationwide mortgage in March 2026.

Additionally, the site warns that previous bonuses have been treated as taxable savings income, and although this won’t affect most people, it may be an issue for higher-rate taxpayers or those with a substantial amount in non-ISA savings.

When will the Nationwide bonus be paid out?

If the mutual bank does decide to bring back Fairer Share Payments for 2026, the decision is usually announced after Nationwide’s full-year results are released in May.

Last time around, eligible members were contacted by May 31, with bonuses deposited into members’ accounts between June 18 and July 4, 2025 — and since the scheme has followed a similar timeline in previous years, the cash could very well be yours before summer.

That said, nothing is confirmed yet, so we’ll keep you posted with updates on this year’s initiative as and when they’re available.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 60s. For the last five years, we have been having some great fun. We dress up, role-play, and invite friends to join us from time to time. It has been wonderful and has kept us young. 

Then one of our adult children had to move back home. He never goes out. His girlfriend comes and stays the weekends. Needless to say, he has put a damper on our fun. We are down in the dumps come Monday when we go back to work, so we play when we can.

We have gone to hotels, but it’s not the same freedom. My husband says our son is an adult and we should do what we would do if he wasn’t home. He can either accept it or move out. Abby, what are your thoughts? — EMPTY NESTERS NO MORE

DEAR EMPTY NESTERS NO MORE: It is your home, and you should be free to do whatever you wish in it. You definitely need to have a conversation with your son and make plain that there are times when you and your husband need “privacy.” If he asks why, tell him the truth. Then suggest that on some weekends, he and his girlfriend stay at her place.

---

DEAR ABBY: I was married for 14 years to my son’s father. During that time, he cheated on me and was talking to a lot of other women. When I told my family we were divorcing, one of my siblings got angry with me, telling me I needed to do everything I could to make it work. 

People I thought would be there for me no longer were. People turned their backs on me, including fellow church members. Some friends stood by me, though. It hurt me so much. What was once a close-knit family was now torn apart. 

I met a man who lives an hour and a half away from me. He treats me and my son wonderfully. I chose to move to the same town as my boyfriend, but my son didn’t want to leave his sports and friends. He told me it was OK and that he would just stay with his dad. I was torn. But then my siblings started running their mouths about me leaving my son, so I changed my mind and stayed. My boyfriend was OK with it because he loves my son and wants what is best for him. 

My ex and my siblings constantly hang out and do things. My ex is always invited to gatherings and events, while I never even get a text message asking how things are going for me. It hurts, and I have sunk into a deep depression because of this. Is there something I have done wrong? — DEPRESSED DIVORCEE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DIVORCEE: You did NOTHING wrong. It’s clear to me that your family has always been more attached to your unfaithful ex than to you. I don’t blame you for feeling hurt and depressed. That said, however, I think you should move to resume your relationship with your boyfriend. In a new town, there will be fewer reminders of this sad chapter of your life, and you can make new friends and build a new life. If your depression lingers, counseling will put you on the right track.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069

For Chloe Ng, catching up on bills or researching a potential career change after an eight-hour work day felt like drudgery — often leading to procrastination instead.

With a growing to-do list, Ng began searching the internet for a solution to her persistent procrastination and landed on an article about what some are calling “admin nights” — getting together with a friend or group of friends where each person checks off tasks, such as paying bills, answering personal emails and booking appointments.

Jeri Bittorf, a financial wellness co-ordinator with Resolve Counselling Services Canada, says it can be a way to stay accountable and motivated while also learning from one another.

For example, what if someone hasn’t filed their taxes in the last two or three years? They may not know how to proceed, Bittorf said. But someone from the group may have gone through the same situation and could offer help.

“Now, they’ve figured that out in about two minutes versus on their own struggling and getting overwhelmed and feeling like they’re the only ones to not file their taxes on time,” she said.

“This allows so much opportunity to share things with each other, to grow with each other.”

For Ng, an admin get-together was a one-stop solution to not only check off chores on her list but also meet new people in the area.

A Vancouver resident, Ng found a couple of interested people online and organized their first in-person hangout on a weekend afternoon at their neighbourhood café earlier this month.

“During that time, we actually were able to finish something together,” she said of the two hours spent at the café.

While two of her companions tackled their taxes and personal projects, Ng focused on tasks such as paying off bills and finally getting started on the gruelling process of switching careers.

She said there was no pressure to engage in conversation if someone in the group didn’t want to — and could just focus on getting things done.

Bittorf said it’s important to get organized and sort out all the things you want to accomplish before going into an admin night or hangout.

“Write all those tasks down, the ones that are on your mind,” she said. “Then, you group them together into smaller actionable steps.”

For example, if you’re not paying your bills on time or having difficulty maintaining a budget, an actionable step could be going through last month’s bank statement and making a note of recurring bills and any late fees on them.

Then, mark those days on your calendar or set up automated payments during the admin sit-down, she said.

Shaliza Manji could see the benefits of having an admin-focused hangout with her friend, whom she hadn’t seen in a while.

The Calgary resident, who is juggling three jobs, often finds herself in a predicament — whether to catch up with friends or focus on a never-ending list of chores.

Her hangout was a mix of chit-chat, catching up and then getting down to business with her list of things to do during a five-hour sit-down at a local café.

“You’re making time for things that you wouldn’t necessarily make time for, in a more fun way,” Manji said.

While it might have been easy to spend the whole hangout chatting, Manji said she and her friend were determined to get through their to-do lists.

“That was the whole goal of the meeting,” she said.

Bittorf said admin nights can also be helpful for people who may be struggling with finances.

“Many of us are dealing with our financial situations in isolation, which is leading people to feel like they’re the only ones struggling, or they’re the only ones in this financial predicament,” she said.

Bittorf said group admin nights can help open up communication — about both hardships and success stories.

But it doesn’t necessarily mean sharing everything with people around you.

For example, reviewing your bank account, checking credit card statements and transferring money between accounts “could be a silent activity,” Bittorf said.

Things that could be shared with the group include comparing cellphone plans to see who has the best plan right now or talking about cancelling subscriptions to save money.

“Make it simple,” she said. “It doesn’t need to be this big, elaborate event.”

Bittorf said meeting at places such as a library, park or café can avoid putting pressure on the host to pre-plan. And keeping it simple can also mean accomplishing one or two tasks at a time — and not feeling overwhelmed by it.

Meeting at a park for a picnic, for example, but also carving out 20 minutes to open a savings account and set up automatic transfers might keep things from being too overwhelming.

For Ng, planning a rendezvous with strangers for admin hangouts is going to become a monthly event.

Her idea isn’t just to tick off obligations, but also to open up the possibility of board games or a hike with the people she met online.

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