LOVERRO: The joke’s on fans putting up with withering Wizards
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OPINION:
The Washington Wizards were funnier this year than perhaps at any time in their comical history.
If an NBA banner existed for funniest team in the league — and we’re probably an Amazon Prime season or two away from one — there would be a ceremony next year to hang one from the Capital One Arena rafters.
They made April Fools’ Day their own with a prank that brought embarrassment and scorn to the franchise. For a team that would go on to lose 65 games — the most in the league — that was quite the accomplishment.
The prank during the April 1 game against the Philadelphia 76ers featured a blindfolded fan who tried a half-court shot for a chance to win $10,000. He missed, but the mascots on the court pretended he drained it, handing him an oversized check. The mascot then took the check away and offered an autographed jersey and courtside tickets.
Social media remembered that the Wizards were still an NBA franchise and roasted them for the joke, so much so that the team said it was sorry.
“We apologize for last night’s April Fools’ joke that left many wondering if we had misled a fan,” a statement released by the team said. “The skit involving our mascot and other members of our performance team was scripted and intended to celebrate the day. All participants were in on the joke, but we missed the mark.”
Manufactured suffering, as if the real stuff they dole out nightly to the sparse home crowd at Capital One Arena weren’t enough.
But the Wizards, ever the pranksters, weren’t done. They concluded their statement with this: “We continue to be committed to providing a positive experience to all who attend our games.”
That’s some funny stuff. Those who came to Wizards games, paying more than ever after they increased prices following last year’s 18 wins, might not have witnessed many positive experiences.
Anyway, you could make the case that the Wizards already played an April Fools’ joke three weeks earlier in Miami when they allowed Bam Adebayo to score 83 points in a game, second only to Wilt Chamberlain’s legendary 100-point game in 1962 and putting him ahead of Kobe Bryant’s 81-point performance in 2006.
If you said before the season that Adebayo would score 83 points for the Miami Heat in a 150-129 win over Washington, you would have gotten some laughs, even among the Wizards.
It was so much of a joke when he closed in on that massive total, Heat players started fouling on purpose so they could get the ball back in Adebayo’s hands quickly.
There was no apology from the Wizards for that joke.
Instead, Wizards coach Brian Keefe blamed the Heat.
“The fourth quarter just turned into not a real basketball game,” he said — as if that was some kind of criterion for a Washington team that lost a record 28 games by 20 or more points this season, with 11 of them by 30 or more points, the most in the league.
You could make the case that nearly one-third of the games the Wizards played this season were not real basketball games. Then again, you could argue that’s an NBA-wide problem.
I know this is the accepted path to change the direction of an NBA franchise — tanking — so much so that nine teams had losing as their goal this year to increase their chances at a draft lottery pick. Washington won the race to the bottom and now have the best odds for a high draft choice — from a 14% chance for the top pick to 48% for the fifth choice.
This is believed to be the Wizards’ route to winning.
Still, someone in the organization should apologize for making their fans suffer through a demented process that the team created for itself.
No apology from the head coach, whose record now, after three seasons, is 43-160 and who, remarkably, is coming back.
“No one wants to lose,” Keefe told reporters. “We’re not happy about any of that.”
But they did want to lose. And they’re elated about it.
No apology from team general manager Will Dawkins: “To the fans, the Wizards train is starting to leave the station. It’s not full speed ahead, but we do plan to move with a little bit of momentum. It’s a fun time to be a Wizards fan as we start this time together.”
“We feel a buzz. We feel a buzz in the city because of our fans.”
The Wizards are and have been an invisible franchise in this town. They were next to last in attendance in the league this year and one of just two teams that finished below 90% average in arena capacity.
I’d say Dawkins’ credibility has left the station.
Certainly, no apology from the man who put the Wizards in this grave, owner Ted Leonsis, who posted this on social media: “To our @WashWizards fans — thank you for standing with us all season. Your passion and support never went unnoticed. This season was a step forward, full of lessons that will fuel what’s next as we keep building toward something bigger.”
Just in case you had any doubt that shame no longer exists in our culture.
They have a plan. According to newcomer and Hall of Famer, the broken-bodied, 33-year-old, $54 million future of the franchise, Anthony Davis, it’s a secret.
“This is a great organization,” Davis told reporters. “They do things, and I don’t want to give away secrets, but I haven’t seen it anywhere else.”
Now that’s funny.
The Wizards have been the NBA’s April Fools’ joke for decades. But the greatest joke this franchise has made is putting itself in a position where losing is an accomplishment — where having the worst record in the league is to be celebrated.
Where’s the apology for that?
• Catch Thom Loverro on “The Kevin Sheehan Show” podcast.