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Modified Missionary

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Doggy-Style

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Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. It’s a phrase most people in the dating pool have encountered at one point or another.

Three decades on from when John Gray’s seminal work was first published, this sentiment still seems to resonate with fatigued dating app users who just can’t seem to get on with their matches.

Forbes reports that 78% of people who use ‘the apps’ to find love feel emotionally, mentally or physically exhausted by the process, while 41% have been ghosted, and 40% say they struggle to connect.

Women are also more likely to be fed up with it than men (80%, compared to 74%), which certified sex therapist, Dr Rufus Tony Spann, puts down to the constant cycle of raised hopes before a promising prospect ends up falling flat.

Now, though, there looks to be an explanation for this crisis of connection and commitment – and it’s nothing to do with the technology itself.

According to a previous report from Feeld, the problem is actually straight, millennial men.

The 2025 study of the dating app’s 2,500 members revealed nearly seven in 10 heterosexual men aged 29 to 44 have either never updated or rarely update their dating app profile since they first filled it out.

So, even if they’ve been swiping for a few years now, their profile picture might still be the same as when they first logged in. And these snaps can be questionable to start with, as evidenced by the ‘man holding fish’ trope’s refusal to die out, despite women’s pleas.

On the contrary, women are much more likely to change their bio over time (27.8% have done so since downloading the app).

In fact, millennial women are making tweaks to their profiles the most, and they’re more likely to do so if they identify as queer, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, or bisexual (89%, that is).

For women, updates are important in helping to pre-empt common questions asked by their matches, and to lay down the law on their deal-breakers, something that men are 2.6 times less likely to do.

Men also seem reluctant to put the miles in for love, consistently choosing shorter maximum match distances (which they’re more likely to tweak over time), while women maintain higher distance preferences regardless of how often they tweak their search settings.

Essentially, the numbers suggest that they’re not putting in the graft.

‘When you’re trying to figure out who is most likely to sit in each of these categories, it’s not so much sexual orientation or age or geography – the clearest pattern comes down to gender,’ dating expert and journalist Mona Chalabi said of the research.

‘People who identify as men change their search settings more, and women spend more time changing their profiles. 

‘When I first looked at those findings, I sighed. I wondered if men are more inclined to believe that there’s something wrong with their environment, whereas women are more inclined to think there’s something wrong with themselves.’

But as Mona noted, there’s a multitude of reasons for this gender split. First of all, she pondered whether perhaps women are simply ‘really clear about what they want, and don’t want to change their search preferences.’

There’s also the possibility that their lives are more dynamic, and are subsequently changing more frequently, in ‘more exciting ways than they want to describe in their bios,’ she said.

‘Whatever the reasons are, most of us don’t simply sign up and search,’ she concludes.

‘Almost 90% of us change our bios at some point after we join the site, and 92% change our search settings.

‘Because good connections require luck and a bit of effort—most of us know that means a little tinkering now and then.’

This article was first published on December 5, 2025.

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Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Lillith Lodge, a single escort and content creator from Brisbane.

After starting out as an exotic dancer, she became a sex worker four-and-a-half years ago in a bid to make more money. ‘I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do it at first, but I’ve never looked back,’ Lillith tells Metro.

Also candid about the realities of sex work, the 29-year-old admits that although she has a ‘positive relationship with sex’, it can sometimes get a little clinical or uncomfortable with clients.

‘I’ve had a few times where I’ve had to ask a client to leave the appointment early because of their behaviour, Lillith explains.

‘I’d like sex to always be enjoyable in an ideal world, but sometimes the way they have sex with me means this isn’t possible.’

Even so, she is happy with how her career has panned out as she can make up to thousands of pounds a day, as well as sometimes getting to – and play – with friends.

Without further ado, here’s how Lillith got on this week.

The following is, as you might expect, NSFW…

Monday

I get up at 7am and head to the gym for my usual cardio, then I have two hours to get ready for my 10am.

This is a client I’ve seen roughly 10 times. He was initially very nervous and shy but he’s opened up over time. I think that’s why he sees sex workers, because he finds approaching women intimidating.

I can be myself with him without judgement which is nice, but the sex is a little awkward, due to his inexperience.

He stands while I give him a blowjob before getting into the main event. We always start with me on top, followed by missionary, followed by another (very sloppy) blowjob.

He doesn’t finish – he never does – but this isn’t an uncommon thing with a lot of the men I see. There are lots of reasons why they can’t, and he tells me he hasn’t finished with anyone, ever. I still enjoy our time together because we get along so well. 

After, I have a quick lunch and an energy drink before heading to the bank to deposit my earnings. 

Back home I sit with my ‘available now’ flag showing on my OnlyFan ads to notify clients I am waiting for work – but it’s a slow season, and I guess £625 is all I’m making today. Instead, I spend time on my account replying to messages. 

Tuesday

I wake up late but I’m ready in time for my 11am three-hour booking. My bestie Hannah joins us and, oh, how I love a threesome – there are so many more positions you can do!

I’ve been with this client for about a year, he flies in from Sydney just to see me and he’s an absolute treat.

I don’t think I’ve cum so many times in a row in my life, but this is the joy of three participants. Side by side blowjobs where our tongues touch send me wild. I have an insane orgasm riding his face, then another two while Hannah goes down on me.

Honestly, it’s bookings like this where I feel unbelievably grateful to be able to do this. 

Just an hour after this booking I have a two hour session with a brand new client. It’s nice meeting people when they are polite and respectful like he is, which isn’t always the case.

We start with a blowjob, then I climb on top for a few minutes, and it’s the good old ‘frog legs’ riding that gets him. He’s lovely and well behaved, but I don’t get any sexual pleasure from it. I don’t care, though, I’ve had my fix anyway.

Today I made £1,666 for my first booking (because he always tips £208 on top of what he owes) and £1,093 for the second one. It’s a good number for a days work. 

Wednesday

After a gym session, I’ve got 90 minutes to transform myself from a sweaty mess for an hour-long booking with a married client. I try not to think about that – if it wasn’t me doing it, it would be someone else.

I’ve seen him twice before – he’s friendly and polite, but doesn’t like to talk much, which is understandable.

We exchange cash in the first five minutes and get straight to it after he takes a shower. We go for 50 minutes straight before he finally finishes.

I find the way he f**ks me to be too hard to be enjoyable, and this is where we walk a thin line as escorts. It’s not so rough that I need to tell him to stop, but I don’t enjoy it. I prefer a build up, before easing into a fast tempo.

However, he just wants to f**k like a jackrabbit, so sometimes he’s just ramming it into my sides.

I should also add he had a small amount of cheese under his foreskin, which really turned me off. Thankfully he didn’t pay the extra £156 for a condom-free blowjob.

Once he’s gone I have four hours to eat, clean the room, answer messages and get ready for my next appointment, which is a client I’ve seen many times, who’s in a wheelchair so the way we do it is a little different.

We start out with a good chat, catching up for 30 minutes while he waits for his blue pill to kick in. He says he feels more sensation when it’s slow and gentle, so I have to be careful not to injure him by putting too much weight on certain parts of his body.

He loves me on top, but we also do missionary and me on my side with my leg back over him. This position is great because he gets in deeper. I really enjoy our time together. Regular clients are just the easiest, as after a few visits it really just feels natural.

He pay me £703 and I really should work more, but I have a custom video to complete before I go to bed, so I focus on that instead before turning in.

Thursday

It’s my day off from escorting today, so I go to the gym and then head to lunch with a couple of industry friends, Jade Blair and Hannah Williams. It’s so nice to have peers I can talk to about everything. We just get each other. 

When I get home at 2pm, I plan my flights and accommodation for two tours I have coming up. I then pop out to the shops quickly to do a restock because I’m really low on mouth wash and that’s a disaster waiting to happen, as all clients must shower and use mouth wash on arrival.

At 4pm I record two custom videos. One is easy because it’s just sitting down and talking about my day and my goals, nothing sexual. The other is a foot fetish video, but it’s tricky. He wants me to do a foot job on a dildo but it doesn’t suction to the ground very well…

Friday

I have a prebooking for 7pm tonight but the day is pretty empty. I work on getting a backlog of TikTok content prepared so I have things to post everyday.

When my client arrives it turns into a five-hour booking. He’s a regular so we yap each others ears off.

We have sex for about 15 minutes but he gets bored very easily.

He’s an older guy and was a virgin when I first met him a year ago. He’s seen lots of working girls but he really isn’t that bothered about sex.

His d**k is huge by the way,one of the biggest I’ve ever seen, -and it’s very thick.

He can’t feel much when he has sex so we just have a great time hanging out, just kissing and cuddling.

Saturday

I have a lie in so I can stay up late as that’s usually when I make money a Saturday. I don’t have any pre-appointments but then I suddenly get a 30-minute booking. I don’t like these much because they’re rushed and the guys often need more time, but I love this one! He really knows what he’s doing and we have great chemistry.

I get to finish too, in laying down doggy-style which is my favourite.

I snag another booking at 6pm – a gentleman with a wedding ring. He’s polite but wants to get straight to business. He gives me oral which is a nice treat (it’s not often someone wants me to finish first), and he’s incredibly good so I climax in less than 10 minutes.

Then I climb on top, followed by reverse, doggy and finally missionary. To finish I give him a big sloppy blowjob and he busts in my mouth right as the time runs out.

He loves watching me swallow and says his wife never does that.

Another booking comes through at 11pm for three hours. I am so tired and the clients are a handful because it’s a party booking, three working girls for three guys in a huge hotel room.

They’re drunk and snort cocaine every five minutes. This is sadly part of the job. I don’t hate these bookings and I’ll have a drink, but I do hate it when they pressure me to do drugs, as I simply don’t want to.

Clients are given a full list of services I offer and allow before making a booking, but when they’re this drunk they forget or disregard it. Often they are very rough, and might choke without consent. They’re also clumsy and seem oblivious to their own strength.

The guy I’m ‘assigned to’ can’t get his d**k to work because of all the cocaine. It’s like a big floppy snake, no matter what I do.

He gets mad I’m not ‘doing it properly’. I hate the rage that comes out of these guys when they’re off their face. It’s safe to say that no penis enters me during this booking. Just an hour of sucking on a floppy d**k. 

Sunday

I’m filming a scene for my OnlyFans with a guy called Jake this morning. It should be good fun because we’ve worked together before.

I’ve never squirted in a scene before and, once we get going, it finally happens. Oh my lord! We have a full waterfall caught on camera. It’s one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had.

We do pretty much every position under the sun, and end with a cream pie- which is a term for when ejaculation runs out of a woman and gets filmed. It is very rare, since all my clients use protection – however it’s a little different for scenes, as we always have STD checks before them.

I’m starving now. It’s currently 6pm and that scene really took it out of me. I’m just going to work on some Tiktoks and social media stuff, reply to fan messages and then head to bed!

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1) Performance anxiety and not knowing “what to do”

2) Feelings of shame and feeling “behind”

3) Worries about their desirability and low sexual self-esteem

4) Fear of pain

So… any advice?

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week, we hear from Tammy*, a 43-year-old working in the media, who met her now-boyfriend Charles* three months ago.

Enticed by his good looks, charm, and intelligence, Tammy quickly fell for the 65-year-old, but there’s just one problem: his ‘revolting’ nightshirt.

Charles’ refusal to part ways with his pyjama shirt is a major turn-off for Tammy, and it’s causing her to question the relationship.

‘I have a healthy sex drive and in my last relationship my partner and I usually had sex twice a day,’ she says. ‘We both worked from home and we were always heading back to the bedroom.

‘However, with Charles, although I stay over three or four nights a week, we have not yet had sex.’

Tammy can see potential in Charles, but this lack of sex has left her feeling unhappy in her relationship. ‘It’s making me understand why people have affairs.’

Without further ado, here’s how Tammy got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

I wake up influencer-orange from doing my tan the night before. After breakfast I go for a swim and have an everything shower. This takes about three hours and I spend the rest of the day doing my hair and make-up.

I work from home, so I answer the odd email, but I’m getting ready to spend the weekend with Charles. I want to look fabulous, so that’s my priority.

I arrive at his at 7pm, in an Uber he’s sent for me. We enjoy a G&T before heading next door for a soiree at his neighbour’s house. There are 12 of us, including a couple who’ve recently moved into the square.

The woman is pretty and when Charles meets her, he practically forgets who I am. He says: ‘This is…….’ Then there’s a long awkward silence where my name should be until I step in and introduce myself. I let it go.

Charles has an eye for pretty women and quite frankly I find it rude. 

As usual, I wake up by myself and open the bedroom door only to be hit by a fog of cigar smoke. Charles gets up at around 5am, so by this point he’s been smoking for over three hours.

I march about briskly opening windows as Charles complains about the cold, and I remind him that I didn’t choose to have a relationship with a smoker. He lied about his smoking on Hinge, as well as claiming he was 50(15 years younger than he actually is).

I suppose this explains his struggles with erectile dysfunction, although I’ve never brought it up with him, but funnily enough this is not the biggest barrier to us having sex.

The most insurmountable issue is that he comes to bed dressed like Wee Willie Winky. Yes, he actually wears a nightshirt. I did not even know they existed outside of the Dickens film that’s on at Christmas, but somehow Charles has located one, perhaps by robbing the grave of someone buried in the Edwardian era.

The one thing worse than seeing him walk into the bedroom wearing it, is seeing him sit about in it all morning. It revolts me and I can barely look at him until nearly 11am, when he finally has a shower and gets dressed.

When he’s in a nice shirt and chinos with a cashmere jumper, I do find him attractive, he’s a handsome man. He’s over 6ft with the sort of bone structure most usually seen in the society pages of Tatler.

Seeing him like this, I definitely would, so I slip his hand inside my bra, hoping to excite him. I’m not sure if his ED is affected by his drinking, so I try to ignite the spark before he has alcohol in his bloodstream.

Charles is a big drinker, at the weekend he’ll start drinking before midday.

My efforts at putting his hand on my breast lead nowhere as he tells me I’m in the way of the television. He’s watching Formula 1.

We open a bottle of wine with lunch, so there’s no chance now, but the motorsports must have jacked up his testosterone levels as he tells me he’ll give me ‘a damn good f***ing’. I wish he would.

It used to excite me when he said things like this, but seeing as he’s never done it, I no longer believe him. It’s like Del Boy in Only Fools and Horses saying: ‘This time next year we’ll be millionaires.’ Ironically, Charles is a millionaire, but I despair of ever again getting a good d**king.

Friends are coming over for lunch and Charles reminds me how much he likes it when I am affectionate towards him in front of other people.

I can’t even deal with dissecting this so I just say: ‘OK darling!’ I give him a little kiss and make a mental note to ramp up the PDA when the guests arrive.

I must do a good job because one of them says: ‘Awww! You guys are so cute!’

And actually, we are a good match in a lot of ways. 

As well as being well-educated, Charles has impeccable manners and he’s very thoughtful. He’s the kind of man who takes care of things and I feel like I’m in safe hands when I’m with him.

Plus, penetrative sex isn’t everything, and Charles did go down on me twice last night. I prefer this anyway. If I had to choose between penetrative sex and receiving oral, I would definitely choose receiving oral. I just wish he would do it more often.

I didn’t actually want it the second time – I was tired and I wanted to go to sleep. However, I think he felt a surge of male pride at making my legs shake as I orgasmed and he wanted to do it again for the applause. 

It’s gone 9pm by the time the last guest leaves. We’re both tired by then, but Charles loads the dishwasher and we watch a bit of Top Gun 2 on the telly.

Monday

I wake up and walk into the sitting room where Charles is chain-smoking his miniature cigars, dressed in his ancient artefact. It’s like he’s cosplaying a Jane Austen character.

I want to tell him: ‘The V&A called – the costume curator wants their 18th century exhibit back’, but I bite my tongue.

He announces: ‘I was rock hard last night! Rock hard!’

He sounds extremely proud of himself, but unfortunately his claim bears no relation to reality. What actually happened is that he poked his semi-flaccid penis at me in the night and I ignored him until he stopped bothering.

You might imagine I’d be pleased at the prospect of having sex, and perhaps even helped matters along. However, the image of his ‘Tiny Tim’ nudging a molehill in his nightshirt makes me queasy.

I hate the idea of him hitching up his nighty and there’s no way I am putting my hand up there. I just won’t do it. I know he’s naked underneath, only because I see his boxers on the bathroom floor, and I don’t know why he can’t wear those to bed instead. 

Charles is working from home today and he wants me to stay and work from his, but I tell him I can’t concentrate so he orders me an Uber. At home I unpack then tackle my inbox before doing yoga.

I’m so happy to be sleeping by myself in my own bed. I love showering then getting into a freshly changed bed, with crisp clean sheets.

Charles’ cleaner changes his bed on a Monday morning, and I typically stay with him on Friday, Saturday and Sunday night, so his bed’s never freshly changed when I’m there.

But it’s the nightshirt that makes the bed manky. I hate it – the fact that it’s always the same grubby garment disgusts me.

My revulsion is skyrocketing, but picking my battles, I decide I might be more able to stomach him wearing a nightshirt if it’s new, and clean on, rather than a dirty old dishcloth that I wouldn’t even use on the floors.

If I buy him a stack of new ones, he can always wear a clean one to bed. But aside from getting in a time machine and traveling back to 1840, where would I even find nightshirts?

I put these thoughts aside as I have a celebrity to interview for a newspaper. I spend the morning prepping, and afterwards I go to the gym.

I’ve spent the day wracking my brains, and all I can think of is an Ebeneezer Scrooge halloween costume. I find loads of them online, modelled by unpleasant old men.

The costumes come in synthetic fabrics with a range of accessories including fake candles, night caps and walking sticks. Although this is an amusing bonus, I’m unwilling to subject myself to a polyester-clad bed partner. Surely there must be nightshirts in natural fibres?

I have a flash of inspiration and turn to a forum on Reddit, where there is indeed a thread on men’s nightshirts. The original poster has asked if anyone wears them so I sift through the replies.

These include: ‘I think that was five generations back from anyone alive today lol’ and ‘Good lord, honey, we weren’t pioneers.’

With no pointers from Reddit, I’ve hit a dead end. I think about this as I transcribe yesterday’s interview. It takes all day but I prefer to do it myself as I don’t trust AI transcription services. In the evening I go for a run and head to bed.

I bite the bullet and call Charles to let him know I’m looking for new nightshirts for him. ‘Why?!’ he snaps.

I want to tell him: ‘Because it’s disgusting!’. However, in an effort to help him understand, I say: ‘Well, you wouldn’t wear the same shirt to work each day, would you?’

‘I wash it,’ he declares. ‘How often?’ I ask, gently.

I know his answer of every other day sadly isn’t true. He just hangs it back up on a hook on the door, with the rip in the cuff confirming that it is indeed the same old rag that he wears night after night.

Wary of arguing, I let it drop, but he later WhatsApps me saying: ‘I’ve bought four for £16 on Amazon.’

This is a miracle. Charles has Amazon Prime so maybe they’ll even be there when I go over tomorrow. As unsavoury as it is seeing him come to bed looking like a relic from Victorian times, at least he won’t be marinating in the same filthy fabric each night.

I stay in this relationship because Charles has some amazing qualities, and we have a shared love for entertaining at lunches and suppers, but now, if I’m feeling less repulsed by his nightshirts, who knows what this could do for our sex life, too.

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1) Having a lower sex drive than their partner

2) Pain during penetrative sex

3) Not orgasming during partnered sex

4) Body image issues

5) Losing desire thanks to the mental load

6) Not putting their own pleasure first

So, uh, any advice?

Erectile changes are the most common topic Roos hears

What advice does Roos have for straight men?

A churn of saliva. A clashing of teeth. Way too much tongue.

These are just some of the components of a kiss many of us would rather forget.

So, it might come as a surprise to hear that more and more Brits have been searching for this kind of smooch on porn sites.

In fact, in the past two years, searches for the term ‘kissing fetish’ have surged by 67% on adult content marketplace, Clips4Sale, making it one of the most lucrative categories.

That’s kisses that are ‘wet’ and ‘smokey’, according to search terms, as well as those that you might associate with a good snogger, including ‘erotic’, ‘romantic’ and ‘SFW (safe for work)’.

In the r/dating subReddit, users have been sharing their love of a ‘sloppy and wet make-out session.’

‘I yearn for a sloppy make out session,’ wrote one user, while another said: ‘I love spit swapping, tonsil wrestling, tongue tied make out sessions.’

Our jaws hurt just thinking about it, but sex therapist Courtney Boyer is hardly surprised that kissing fetish is finally having its moment.

‘Kissing sits right at the intersection of emotional intimacy and physical arousal,’ she tells Metro. ‘The lips are packed with nerve endings, so even light contact can send strong sensory signals through the body.

‘Throw in eye contact, anticipation, scent, and emotional connection, and it becomes a powerful erotic trigger.

‘This is often more psychologically charged than overt sexual touch.’

Why are so many Brits getting off to kissing videos?

Courtney explains that, like most fetishes, our penchant for the intimate act develops through early imprinting. ‘Because kissing is often our first intimate act, it can hold emotional and erotic significance that carried into adulthood.’

That certainly makes sense, but what’s the appeal of the ‘washing-machine’ style snog?

Well, Courtney says the wet noises can hold a particular allure.

‘Sound and sensation amplify arousal,’ Courtney adds. ‘Wet kissing noises can heighten realism, and signal a mutual desire and immersion in the moment.’ Essentially, it shows that the pair are really digging the smooch.

Specific searches for things like ‘smokey kisses’ also point to a desire for sex acts that feel a little bit wrong.

‘These refer to kissing where smoke, often from cigarettes or vapes, is shared mouth-to-mouth,’ Courtney says. ‘For some, the appeal lies in taboo, the combination of all senses (taste and smell), and the intimacy of sharing air.

‘It blends rebellion with closeness, which can feel edgy and erotic.’

The fetish can also overlap with kinks like breath play, oral fixations, sensory play and even romantic dom and sub dynamics.

‘All of these center on closeness, control, and sensory immersion, which are core elements of erotic kissing,’ Courtney explains.

Keeping it PG

On the other end of the spectrum, SFW (safe for work) kisses were another frequently searched-for term, suggesting there are those out there looking for a more PG exchange.

‘Despite an increase among the younger generation in more aggressive acts like choking, there is also a growing appetite for softer intimacy,’ Courtney says.

‘Kissing that feels affectionate, slow, and emotionally grounded rather than overtly sexual.

‘In times of stress or digital overload, people often crave comfort, safety, and nostalgia. “SFW” content offers arousal rooted in connection rather than explicitness.’

While the kissing fetish spans all genders, Courtney says that research and clinical insights suggest women are more likely to eroticise kissing because they tend to ‘link arousal with emotion’.

‘That said, men absolutely share the fetish,’ she adds, ‘particularly when kissing is framed as a marker of mutual desire or conquest. It’s less about gender and more about how individuals eroticise intimacy.’

But why the sudden uptick?

With a dramatic increase in demand for kissing fetish videos in the past two years, you do have to wonder what sparked the surge in interest.

For Courtney, post-pandemic psychology plays a major role. ‘Periods of isolation heightened our awareness of touch deprivation,’ she says.

‘Kissing, intimate but accessible, became symbolic of reconnection. At the same time, dating culture has been recalibrating toward slower, more intentional intimacy.’

And while the act of kissing itself has always been erotic, the expert suggests its rise as a standalone fetish is tied to online culture, too.

‘Particularly, it’s the growth of searchable, niche content over the past decade,’ she says. ‘As people realise their specific turn-ons are shared by others, interest and visibility increases.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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