Parenting a child with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) can be wonderful, although parents often share that it’s not without its challenges.

One particularly exhausting element can be the process of bedtime – that is, helping children wind down for the evening and, ultimately, go to sleep.

Research suggests up to 50-70% of children with ADHD have sleep problems, with delayed sleep onset and bedtime resistance particularly common issues.

“Children with ADHD often have busy minds and bodies, which can make bedtime a real challenge,” sleep consultant Rosey Davidson told HuffPost UK.

Part of this is biological. Some research suggests kids with ADHD release melatonin – the hormone that signals it is time to sleep – around 45 minutes later than neurotypical children. As they get older, this can stretch to nearer 90 minutes.

“This means their natural sleepiness signal comes later, which is one of the reasons they may struggle to fall asleep at the same time as other kids,” said Davidson.

But just because a child has ADHD, it doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do to help support them to sleep better.

As Emily Whalley, a holistic sleep and wellbeing coach at Fox and the Moon, told HuffPost UK: “We have to work with our children and their individual needs, not against them.

“And just because a child has ADHD, it doesn’t mean the way sleep works no longer applies to them. Biology doesn’t switch off because of neurodivergence.

“The fundamentals of sleep – i.e. circadian rhythm, sleep pressure and nervous system regulation – still matter. In fact, for many children with ADHD, they matter even more.”

So, sometimes going back to basics can really help.

A consistent bedtime routine is crucial for all – old and young, neurotypical and neurodiverse – as brains like the safety of knowing what is coming next.

“Consistent rituals such as a bath, a story, or calm music, signal it is time to wind down,” says Davidson, who is the founder and CEO of Just Chill Mama.

While the routine is important, it’s also crucial to recognise that you might be starting proceedings a bit too early – so take a step back and reassess the actual time your child goes to bed.

As Whalley asks: “Is the child’s body clock running later? Is bedtime actually mismatched to their natural sleep drive?”

She continues: “If a child simply isn’t tired enough at 8pm, no amount of consequences will fix that, we’re working against physiology.”

Getting outside in natural light is so important during the day, as it helps regulate the internal body clock (“it’s like putting in your order for sleepiness at night,” notes Davidson).

As evening arrives, dimming the lights helps to support melatonin production, making it easier to drift off.

“Many children with ADHD are sensory-seeking and need intentional proprioceptive input, what I often call ‘heavy work’, in the late afternoon or early evening,” says Whalley.

Some examples of this “heavy work” might include:

• Rough and tumble play,
• Pushing and pulling games,
• Carrying shopping,
• Animal walks,
• Resistance exercises
• Deep pressure input.

The sleep expert suggests all of these can help regulate the nervous system before we expect stillness. “Sleep doesn’t begin at lights out, it begins one to two hours earlier, with how we prepare the body and brain,” she notes.

Davidson agrees that providing opportunities for movement, deep pressure, or sensory activities earlier in the day can help kids feel regulated and calmer in the evening.

“Research also shows that children with ADHD who are more physically active tend to fall asleep more easily and sleep better overall, so getting out for exercise, or even movement within the home is helpful,” notes the sleep consultant.

“Yoga is excellent as it helps both the mind and body to wind down.”

Slow, quiet activities like colouring, jigsaws, or listening to an audiobook can all help your child’s mind transition from alert to calm in the hour or so before bed.

“Listening to music or audiobooks can also help the mind switch off racing thoughts,” notes Davidson.

If your child is a bit older, writing down their worries or ideas (journalling) before bed can help offload any thoughts that might keep them awake. If they’re a bit younger, drawing pictures and/or discussing their day could also help.

“Children (and adults) with ADHD often ruminate over their day, and struggle to switch off,” says Davidson.

“This is why techniques around managing thoughts and feelings can be helpful.”

The expert noted that for older children and adults, CBT-i (cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia), which is about changing a person’s thoughts and feelings around sleep, can also be effective.

You’ll probably notice your child comes downstairs multiple times before they eventually fall asleep, which might mean the slim period of downtime you get before your own bedtime is pretty disrupted.

Davidson says for kids who get up repeatedly; gentle, consistent responses work best.

“Consider social stories, roleplaying in the daytime (putting teddies to bed and saying goodnight), and making it [their bedroom] an appealing space,” she said.

“You can also foster ideas around connection – so that they know you will always come back. I like to put up a photo of parents on the wall next to the child’s bed so they have a visual reminder they are always connected.”

Another option to try is a “bedtime pass system”, where your child has one or two “get out of bed” passes each night.

“This gives them a sense of control while still keeping the overall structure and boundaries around sleep,” says the sleep consultant.

“If they do get out of bed, quietly returning them without negotiation is more effective than long explanations or arguments. We can still be loving and responsive but hold the boundary that this is where they sleep.”

Once they do finally settle, Whalley advises considering their sleep quality as children with ADHD are more likely to mouth breathe, snore or experience sleep-disordered breathing, “and fragmented sleep can significantly worsen attention, mood and behaviour during the day”.

“If a child is snoring most nights, breathing through their mouth, grinding their teeth or waking unrefreshed, it’s important this is medically reviewed,” she adds.

“Sometimes what looks like behavioural insomnia is actually poor-quality sleep.”

If your evening downtime is fairly non-existent, you might be left feeling pretty exhausted and like you have absolutely zero chill once you’ve taken your child back up to bed for the sixth time.

Whalley wants you to know you are not failing. Equally, it’s not your child’s fault they are struggling to drift off. “These children are not difficult, they are neurologically wired differently,” says the sleep coach.

But the right adjustments, as well as small biological and sensory tweaks can make “meaningful differences”, she adds. “Progress may not look identical to a neurotypical pathway, but it is absolutely possible.

“ADHD explains sleep challenges, it doesn’t mean they’re untreatable.”

Davidson urges parents to also role model their own healthy behaviours around sleep by talking about how they prioritise it and why, as well as showing their child how they relax and unwind (for example, switching off screens a set amount of time before bed or reading a book).

“Children learn so much by imitation,” she says. “Remember that helping your child sleep is a marathon, not a sprint, and being kind to yourself is just as important as helping them rest.”

Most children of secondary school age (we’re talking 12- to 15-year-olds) have a smartphone – and some of them will be allowed to have one on the condition they’re happy to give their device up every now and then for their parents to check.

But what happens if, during one of these checks, you spot something that makes your heart sink? And what about if your teen hasn’t given you permission to check their phone, but you’ve seen a notification flash up that’s left you worried?

It’s a minefield – and there’s no set rule for tackling this, as everyone’s situation will be different. That said, experts have shared their thoughts on how to approach this tricky moment, without causing a huge rift.

Counselling Directory member Bella Hird told HuffPost UK parents who have an agreement in place with their child where they can do spot checks “are in a very good starting place”.

“Think of your child’s phone a little as you would think of the world. They need your support to navigate it. There will be places and situations that, until they reach a certain age, you would not let them wander off into unsupervised,” she said.

If there’s a message on their phone that worries you, the therapist advises having a chat with your child about it: “Approach the conversation with your child with honesty and curiosity. So for example, explain ‘this kind of message really worries me and I want to know we are keeping you safe, can you explain to me a little about the context?’.”

She then urges parents to allow their child the space to explain. Try not to react in fear or anger as this will simply shut the conversation down. Punishments will simply drive a wedge further, too.

Education and child psychologist Dr Sasha Hall said the key here is offering a calm and proportionate response, rather than punishment.

If messages involve adult or sexualised content, the psychologist said key considerations include: whether the material is age-appropriate; whether there is any risk, pressure or coercion; and whether the young person understands boundaries and consent.

“Adolescence is a stage where children need increasing autonomy and privacy compared to earlier childhood, but this should be matched with developmentally appropriate safeguards,” she added.

“The aim is not to remove independence, but to support safe decision-making while those skills are still forming.”

Bird added that it’s important to help your child understand that it is OK to make mistakes and that being open with you will ultimately end with them feeling supported with potentially difficult or dangerous scenarios.

“Explain to your child what it is about the message or what you have seen that has concerned you and ask them if they understand your worries,” she said.

“They will probably tell you there is nothing to be concerned about, in which case ask them to explain more.”

There might be times when you think your child is in danger – for example, they are being groomed – in which case, you will need to take action. Bird said “it is really important to try to take your child on that journey with you”.

She advised: “Explain to them why you are doing what you are doing it and give them as much agency as possible – so, for example, in the case that you need to involve the police, you should explain that you need to do that and why, and let them know what is likely to happen. But give them choices like ‘would you like me to explain to them or would you like to?’ and ‘who would you like with you?’

“Avoid making them feel punished or ashamed because these experiences are a real barrier to connection and collaboration. They are still learning about the world and that’s OK.”

If you don’t have your teenager’s consent to look at their phone – and you’ve done so and seen something that is cause for concern – Bird suggests asking yourself two questions.

Firstly, what is the worst thing that will happen if I address this? And secondly, what is the worst thing that will happen if I don’t address this?

“I am sure the answer to the first question involves making a teen angry and having an impact on levels of trust, but the answer to the second question is likely to make your decision to act or not pretty simple,” she added.

“When talking to your teen, take responsibility. Apologise for not being open with them about looking at their phone, but explain your reasons for doing so.”

Dr Hall noted that in this instance, repair becomes especially important.

“Acknowledging the breach of trust, explaining the concern clearly, and working together to renegotiate boundaries helps model accountability and respect,” she said.

“Repairing trust is often more impactful than the original rule-setting, as it teaches young people how relationships recover after mistakes.”

Once you have resolved the matter of concern, talk to your teen about how you will balance privacy and safety moving forward.

Dr Hall concluded: “Ultimately, phone safety is not about constant surveillance. It is about gradually teaching young people how to manage privacy, boundaries and risk online, while maintaining an open, supportive line of communication so they know they can ask for help when they need it.”

Many of us have been there: your child isn’t doing as they’re told, you need to rush them out of the door so you can get to childcare and work on time, and you’re about to boil over.

They’ve launched their shoes in a huff, a sibling has been shoved, whatever it is, you’ve issued those fateful words: “Right, no TV until tomorrow!”

If they’re younger, and they’ve thrown a toy, you might even threaten to take it away for the next few hours.

The words are out – and there’s no going back. You have to see it through. If you’re lucky, your child caves, puts their shoes on, and stomps out of the door.

But how effective is removing toys or taking certain privileges away in teaching children a lesson?

While this kind of punishment can sometimes stop behaviour in the short term, psychotherapist Anna Mathur told HuffPost UK “it rarely teaches children what to do instead”.

Taking toys or privileges away as a punishment isn’t something she’d recommend.

“On its own, it tends to create fear or upset rather than understanding. Children often focus on the loss (‘my toy’s gone’) rather than the learning (‘my behaviour hurt someone’),” she explained.

“So while it might stop behaviour in the moment, it rarely teaches the skills we actually want children to develop, like empathy, emotional regulation, or taking responsibility.”

In her view, the only time removing something makes sense is for safety or logic, not discipline. “For example, if a toy is being thrown, it’s put away because it’s not being used safely. That’s protection, not punishment,” she explained.

Taking things away is “usually more about adult frustration than child learning”, the therapist continued. “As parents, especially when we’re overwhelmed, we can reach for control quickly.”

While this strategy is “understandable” – especially when you’re stressed beyond belief and trying to leave the house – the therapist said “it’s not the most effective long-term approach”.

“What works better is connection first, then teaching: slowing the moment down, helping the child reflect, repairing what happened, and reinforcing positive behaviour,” she explained.

“Children learn best when they feel safe enough to think, not scared enough to comply.”

She suggested a helpful question for parents to ask themselves is: am I trying to punish, or am I trying to teach?

“Children behave better when they feel understood and regulated, not when they feel scared of losing things,” she continued.

“And often ‘poor behaviour’ is actually a sign of overwhelm, tiredness, hunger or big feelings they don’t yet know how to manage. In those moments, what looks like defiance is often dysregulation.”

Her general rule is “connection first, teaching second, consequences third” as “taking something away doesn’t address the root cause”.

The Welsh government advises that parents should also try to give positive consequences for their child’s positive behaviour more often than they give negative consequences for unwanted behaviours.

An example of a positive consequence might be: “Well done for putting all your toys away, now we can read a book together.”

Mathur is a big believer in this, too. “I also encourage parents to focus just as much on catching and reinforcing positive behaviour as correcting negative behaviour,” she added.

“Children repeat what gets attention. Noticing kindness, effort and repair can be far more powerful than only responding when things go wrong.”