As we age, it’s natural for our bodies, minds and everyday lives to change. And those shifts bring about changes to our sexuality, too.

But different doesn’t necessarily mean bad. It’s very much possible to have satisfying sex well into your 60s and beyond, even if it’s not the same kind of sex you had in your younger years.

For some, that may mean trying different sex positions that honour their current body and its abilities, while also exploring other intimate acts that don’t necessarily include penetration.

“Getting older is not about trying to be able to do the same sexual activities you’ve always done before,” clinical sexologist and sexuality educator Lawrence Siegel told HuffPost, “but to find positions and paces that are more comfortable and make the sexual act more enjoyable.”

“If sex is painful or uncomfortable, it leads to disappointment and avoidance, which detracts from the quality of life for both individuals and couples,” he added.

Finding ways to be more present and comfortable in your body and less caught up in your thoughts can make sex much more pleasurable at any age.

“People who enjoy sex over their lifespan all report being able to enjoy first and foremost being in their bodies,” said sex therapist Nan Wise, author of Why Good Sex Matters.

“Rather than thinking so much about how our bodies look to others, the ability to feel connected with the sensations in our bodies and appreciate all that’s right with our bodies, rather than focus on how we think our bodies should look and feel, is key to lifelong sexual potential.”

We asked sex experts which positions they recommend for folks in their 60s and beyond.

In the classic missionary sex position, the receiving partner is lying flat on their back, while the penetrating partner is on top of them and they’re facing one another. In this variation on missionary, the receiving partner lays on their back with their legs in the air and places a pillow beneath their lower back. It’s a great option if standard missionary puts too much pressure on the penetrating partner’s hips or back, said sex therapist Jesse Kahn.

“If they’re on a bed, the penetrating partner then stands at the edge of the bed. This gives the partner lying down additional support while the partner standing up is able to use more of their body for force, rather than predominantly their hips,” Kahn, the director of the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City, told HuffPost.

Sixty-nining is when two partners are giving and receiving oral sex simultaneously. The inverted position of the two bodies – their face by your genitals, your face by their genitals – sort of looks like the numbers 6 and 9, hence the name.

Traditionally, 69ing is done with one partner lying on their back and the other on top, straddling their partner’s face. But you can also do it lying on your sides, facing one another.

“You can play around with positions based on each person’s needs, such as one partner being on top of the other or the sideways 69,” Kahn said. “The sideways 69 reduces stress on the joints and body to hold yourself up by having both partners laying on their sides. Of course, being on a soft surface, such as a bed, can help with comfort and reduce stress on the body as well.”

Also known as “supported rear entry,” the speed bump is a position that involves the receiving partner lying on their stomach with a pillow (wedged-shaped ones can be useful here) beneath their hips, with the penetrating partner on top in a tabletop position, entering from behind.

“This position allows the bottom partner to control the depth and angle of the penetration,” said Siegel. “It can also make it easier to hit the G-spot, as well as giving more control to those that find deep penetration either comfortable or uncomfortable. There can also be added clitoral or penile stimulation by grinding against the pillow or bolster underneath.”

For a non-penetrative option, you can have the person on top lay face down, across the back of the partner on the bottom.

“This can be particularly fun when a good massage oil is added and it becomes about bodies rubbing against each other and does not have to involve penetration at all,” Siegel said.

“In situations where both partners have vulvas, this position affords the person on top to grind their clitoris and vulva against the buttocks of the person below. It can also be an ideal position for strap-on play, even in the absence of physical limitations.”

Doggy style is when the receiving partner is on all fours and the penetrating partner kneels and enters them from behind. Kahn recommends this one for folks with lower mobility and hip pain, but notes that it might not be so comfortable for people with certain types of back pain.

For additional support, the receiving partner can also try placing a pillow (or a sex wedge, if they have one) beneath their pelvic area.

“In this position, you can also play around with your leg position, such as wide-legged, based on each person’s body’s needs,” Kahn said.

When spooning, “both partners are lying on their sides, facing the same direction, with the back of one partner against the front of the other,” Siegel explained.

The benefit of this position: It allows you to explore many different types of stimulation without a whole lot of physical effort, he said, such as “reaching over and playing with your partner’s breasts, vulva, penis or belly, holding them close as you press against them,” Siegel said.

“This could be a good position for entering your partner’s vagina or anusor just sliding your penis between your partner’s thighs if full intercourse is not desired. This can be helpful for those with limited mobility, knee or back pain or upper-body weakness.”

Remember that sex doesn’t need to be centered around genital penetration to be pleasurable. For many older adults, “it’s about sharing intimacy, affection and emotional gratification,” Siegel said.

The original version of this story was published on HuffPost at an earlier date.

Sexologist comment provided by licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos.

Last week, sexologist and therapist Sofie Roos shared the issues straight men most often brought up in sex therapy.

And this week, she spoke to us about straight women.

Here, she shared the topics she hears about most frequently:

“The single most common problem straight women bring up with me is that their sex drive has decreased or is overall low, while their partner is way more interested in being intimate, leading to worries and tension in the relationship,” Roos told us.

She added that women may be more likely to compare their lust levels to their partner’s, and feel their lower desire poses an “issue”.

Experiencing pain during sex thanks to conditions like vulvodynia, vaginal dryness, or pelvic floor issues is “extremely common” among this group, said Roos.

“What most don’t know is that there’s both a physical and mental part… pain leads to fear, and fear leads to deeper problems,” leaving some in a vicious cycle.

Straight women have long suffered from “the orgasm gap”. The sexologist said this doesn’t seem to be going away.

“Many straight women are having a very hard time orgasming during intimacy with their partner, and they don’t know how to solve it,” she said.

“I’ve met countless straight women that are extremely aware of how their own bodies look, smell and feel… they think so much about age, weight and how they are seen that it becomes difficult to just let go and be in the moment,” Roos added.

In straight relationships, the mental load – or having to think about, keep track of, and remember the endless tasks that keep a household going – still predominantly falls on women’s shoulders.

And the sexologist said that can have a knock-on effect in the bedroom. Doing “all the planning… as well as all the emotional work in the relationship” can “lead to higher stress levels, which makes the body de-prioritise desire”.

“I often meet women who describe themselves as having a hard time with setting their sexual needs and boundaries first, as they’ve been taught to be accommodating rather than prioritise what they want and don’t want,” she stated.

Yes. The sexologist said that accepting shifts in your levels of lust and trying alternative forms of intimacy, like “oral sex, massage, kisses, caresses and more mentally-focused pleasure, such as roleplaying or dirty talk,” may help.

Explore your own desires, perhaps through masturbation, and communicate them with your partner. “As a majority of women can only reach all the way via clitoral stimulation, I also advise focusing more on that, either with your hands, mouth or a sex toy,” the sexologist said.

Remember also that “pain during sex isn’t normal”, so it’s important to seek professional help if you experience it.

And keep in mind that “your sex life isn’t isolated from the rest of the way you live, so try to look at your diet, sleep schedule, exercise habits, how you drink, how you deal with stress and how your relationships are,” she concluded.

We all know that Wuthering Heights is not about a love that we should aspire to, right? We know that their bond was eventually very toxic, that they mistreated each other and everybody around them, and it ended anything but happily ever after.

All of that being said, watching Emerald Fennell’s take on the novel can definitely remind you of a certain ex. Not the one you had an amicable split with, not the ‘fun summer fling’. No. This ex is the one that you had the senselessly passionate relationship with. Everything was aflame and when it ended, you went no-contact. Probably because your friends begged you to.

It’s not romantic but it’s definitely alluring: the thrill of the chase, the passion between you, the way they took up residence in your head and squeezed into every thought… they’re pretty unforgettable, probably quite toxic, and seeing a highly stylised version on-screen with this blockbuster can easily reignite certain memories.

On paper it should be easy, but getting over this kind of ex is not simple, much like the bond itself – as divorce coach Carol Madden notes on Medium: toxic relationships take longer to heal from than healthier ones.

Speaking to Business Insider, relationship expert Jessica Alderson explained that these kind of relationships are a bit like an addiction, saying: “They are often characterised by extreme highs, during which relationships seem perfect and magical, followed by crashing lows, which are usually caused by a partner pulling away or acting out – this can make people feel alive.”

Once the relationship finally ends, your body can still crave this unpredictability. She added: “The emotional rollercoaster can make it harder to move on and accept that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.”

Clinical psychologist Dr Ruth Ann Harpur suggested that after a relationship breaks down, people will naturally try to seek answers about where it all went wrong – and while it’s a “crucial step” in the early moments of the breakup, it’s important not to keep going over every detail of the relationship and your ex’s behaviour.

If you get stuck ruminating, you become “tied to the past” and end up reliving the pain, she suggested. So, her advice is to: “Understand that ruminating on past abuses may feel safe but it keeps you from living fully in the present and building healthier relationships.”

She also urges people to focus on activities they really enjoy to keep busy and connect with themselves again, and to open themselves to new friendships and relationships.

Experts at Calm have a guide to getting over a relationship with advice that includes:

• Clearing out physical reminders of them.
• Allowing yourself to feel your feelings.
• Limiting or cutting contact with them, including on social media.
• Setting new goals.
• And seeking therapy.

It isn’t easy, but you can move on.

You’ve probably heard of the orgasm gap: in heterosexual relationships, women statistically have fewer orgasms than men. Much can — and should! — be done to improve that, starting with a better understanding of what your partner needs to reliably get off. A good place to start is upgrading your go-to bedroom moves.

Take the missionary position, for example. You and your partner may count this classic sex position as a favorite because of the intimacy it provides, but sex therapists say one small tweak can take it from “good” to much, much better.

The “coital alignment technique,” aka CAT, is a modified version of missionary sex, where the man rides a little higher, sliding his body up an inch or two so that the base of the penis rubs against the woman’s clitoris.

Here’s a little visual aid:

In one study of women who were unable to orgasm from missionary sex, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, those who learned the CAT reported a 56 percent increase in their orgasm frequency.

CAT is a game-changer because most women need a little clitoral stimulation to get off, said Megan Fleming, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist. Penetration alone doesn’t always do the trick.

“Roughly two-thirds of women don’t have an orgasm with penetration alone,” Fleming told HuffPost. “CAT offers direct pressure and rocking and grinding that gives women additional clitoral stimulation.”

So how do you assume the position, so to speak?

Sadie Allison, a sexologist and author of Ride ’Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking, gave us a rundown:

Start in the traditional missionary position, she said, with a small pillow under the woman’s hips, to give her some lift and support the pelvis angle.

“After you gently slide inside, shift your body up several inches, positioning yourself so your pelvis is directly on top of hers,” she said. “You should be higher up on her now, with your chest near her shoulders versus face-to-face. With this new alignment, your penis shaft is now providing pleasurable friction against her vulva and clitoris with every stroke.”

To up the ante, put a little more work into grinding, Allison said.

“While staying snug and pressed against her, grind and gyrate your pelvis in small circles against her vulva,” she said. “Try visualizing her clitoris as you press on it, and resist the temptation to lift off and thrust in and out. Just keep your penis snugly inside her, and find the rhythm she needs. ”

“You’ll know it’s working when you feel her holding you tighter and pulling you closer with her legs!” she added.

There’s an extra bonus for guys, too, outside of providing partners with intense pleasure, said Lori Buckley, a sex therapist and author of 21 Decisions for Great Sex and A Happy Relationship.

“An extra benefit is that this may also help men last longer since they don’t experience the same heightened arousal that fast, deep thrusting provides,” Buckley said.

Win-win. Now go get busy.