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Following her son’s third round of baby vaccinations, Zoe Nichols felt helpless as she listened to his endless cries. Even though the little boy had been given the suggested doses of Calpol, he just wouldn’t settle. 

‘He was just crying and crying,’ Zoe, 39, tells Metro.

She wanted to stay with him following the vaccinations, but Zoe had compulsory training at work the next day, so that afternoon the beauty therapist bundled her baby into the car to take him to his grandparents, a two-hour drive away. 

‘For the whole journey, he mainly slept – he loved being in the car,’ Zoe remembers. 

After dropping her son off with his grandparents, she made the two-hour drive back to Dorset, only to receive a worrying phone call as soon as she walked through the door at around 11pm.

‘His grandparents were saying that he wasn’t right – he wouldn’t stop crying, and he had a fever that wasn’t coming down with medicine,’ Zoe remembers. ‘They were going to take him to the hospital.’

The doctors tried to reassure the family that it was probably just a common virus, but Zoe couldn’t help but feel eaten up with ‘mum guilt’, because she couldn’t do anything to help. Eventually, her son was put on a drip for the night and, as she tried to sleep, Zoe kept her phone close by in case of an update.  

Thankfully, the next morning, she received a smiling photo of her baby, who was all back to normal.

As a child, Zoe remembers having all her vaccines, and yet, at 15, she still got measles. She says that two years later, at beauty college, half of her class — some who had been vaccinated and some who hadn’t — were off with mumps. 

The experience always made her question the point of vaccinations and whether they actually worked, she says. So when Zoe became pregnant at 31, she started to think about what she should do for her baby. 

At her NCT class, she remembers being urged by the leading midwife to give children whatever vaccines are offered by the NHS. ‘You take all the information that you’re given as gospel,’ Zoe explains. ‘But all pros and cons should be made available.’ 

Although a couple of acquaintances had said there were ‘lots of warnings on side effects’ when it came to jabs, she eventually decided to go along with NHS guidelines and booked the MMR vaccinations for her baby. 

While her son’s eight and 12-week jabs were uneventful – he had just a mild fever manageable with Calpol – it was the 16-week shots that Zoe believes landed her baby in hospital. 

‘I  thought that it came and went too quickly to be a virus,’ she says.

Just before he turned one, it was then suggested that her little boy have a Bacillus Calmette-Guérin (BCG) vaccine to protect him from picking up tuberculosis from abroad, as his father’s family from India often visited. Again, Zoe did what the doctors recommended.

‘But the vaccine injection site got scabby and pussy. It took ages for his skin to heal, and he still has a big scar from it,’ she says, adding that it was the last straw for her.  ‘I wasn’t going to put him through that anymore.’

Since then, Zoe’s son hasn’t had any of the vaccines offered through the NHS to children, at one year, 18 months, three years, flu, or Covid vaccines. 

‘I’m not a scientist, but I know what happened for me and mine,’ she says. ‘I don’t want to look at stats and figures, because those can be easily manipulated by pharmaceutical companies.’

But her choice has raised eyebrows, with several healthcare professionals and acquaintances warning the mum that she should ‘protect’ her little boy by getting him vaccinated.

Zoe remembers one occasion in early spring 2023, when her son was rushed to the A&E because he couldn’t breathe at nursery. 

‘Initially, I was asked if he had received all his jabs. When I replied no, the nurse gave me a look as if I had sneezed in her face,’ she claims. ‘She then told the doctor with an attitude, and acted as if I hadn’t fed him for a week or had committed some other form of neglect.’

The toddler ended up being diagnosed as having both enterovirus and rhinovirus and recovered within days. 

Zoe insists that she feels cautious when anyone pushes her into making a decision, not just whether it involves vaccinating her son. Anyone quick to judge anti-vaxxers, she’d like to know the ‘primary experience’ that led them to think the way they do. 

‘Why are they so for vaccines?’ Zoe asks. ‘My child was in the hospital overnight directly after having had a vaccine. That’s why I’m against it. My primary experience has led to my decision.’

News that measles cases have been found in the UK doesn’t scare Zoe, either. In fact, what frightens her is thinking about the children who do get vaccinations and what they are having put into their bodies.

She wonders why we question what is in our food and water, but don’t ask what the vaccines are, and the harmful impacts that they could have on adults and children.

‘I think there are pros and cons to everything,’ she says.

Zoe believes that if her child did get measles, he would get ill and then get better, just like she did when she had measles at 15.  However, recent statistics have shown that measles is on the rise across Europe, with nearly 130,000 people contracting it last year, double the number in 2023 and the highest rate since 1997. Last June, a child from Liverpool died from contracting the disease, while London is currently seeing a fast-spreading outbreak infect dozens of schoolchildren.

While Zoe acknowledges the pain families who have lost children due to measles must feel, her personal experiences mean she will not sway her decision. Instead, she asks: ‘Why in 30 years has nobody managed to find a cure for when you actually have measles?’

The mum insists she doesn’t throw caution to the wind either, but takes precautions to keep herself, her child, and the people around her safe from any virus. When her son comes home from playdates and school, or is about to eat a meal, Zoe makes sure he washes his hands. 

‘In my opinion, there are better ways to stop disease spreading than vaccinating people,’ she explains. ‘It can just start with safe measures like washing your hands or using a bit of sanitiser. If clients are under the weather, I don’t see them, and I wear a mask during my treatments.

‘I just don’t feel that mass medication will help. If you look after your body and your mind, I really don’t think you need a vaccine.’ 

Zoe is also keen to guide her son away from injections until he can make a fully educated decision for himself. 

‘I’m not a radical conspiracy theorist,’ she insists. ‘I’m just being mindful and conscious. It’s my choice and I don’t want myself or my child to be an experiment.’

A version of this article was first published in October 2025.

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Dear Eric: My husband and I are in our early 70s. We’re both in good health. We have one child who is an adult and lives independently but close by.

My husband and I enjoy marijuana now that it has been legalized in our state. Between the two of us, we smoke one joint after 7 p.m. about four days a week. We also enjoy it on special occasions like holidays and birthdays.

Lately, when our adult child has been over to visit and we step away to share a joint, they’ll comment “I thought you only smoked on these days” or something to that extent. I feel like they’re keeping tabs on us, or even judging us by saying, “OK” in a disapproving way.

We are never in a “far out” state of mind after we smoke (or eat edibles). It relaxes us to enjoy music, watch a funny movie or program until we get tired and go to bed. If we had to go somewhere in an emergency, we would Uber it. Our adult child is aware of this.

I’d like to mention that up to a year ago, this adult child smoked marijuana with us at times. They had some health issues that have since been taken care of. They’re not anti-marijuana but seem to be focusing on our use. It makes me uneasy in my own home when this happens. Sometimes we have to “sneak” it in while they’re visiting to avoid any questions/comments.

When these comments start coming, I want to tell this adult child that it’s none of their business what we do in our home. I feel policed and judged by them. I also feel like I don’t have to explain anything. Any advice?

— Senior High

Dear High: Bring it up to your child in a neutral manner and ask your adult child to have a discussion with you about it. Start by saying something like, “I’ve noticed that when we smoke, you often comment.” Then explain how you feel when that happens and ask them if you’re reading the situation in the way they’re intending. Something like, “when that happens, it makes me wonder if you think we’re using marijuana too much. Do you?”

The goal of the conversation is to get and give more information. Maybe your child’s response is more about their own journey, and they don’t realize how they’re coming off. Or maybe they do have concerns. If the latter turns out to be the case, it’s better for both of you that those concerns are verbalized. It’s up to you whether you agree with those concerns and whether you decide to make a change. But by opening the door to a conversation about what’s being said, you free both yourself and your child from interior narratives that can cause resentments.

Dear Eric: My 80-year-old sister lives alone after her husband passed away a long time ago and has no children. She lies so much that it’s upsetting.

She lies to everyone around her about her previous job and even her education. She even tells the senior center that her children live out of state.

She used to be a poet and published two books, but she lied about her education in the author bios.

I’ve repeatedly told her that lying is wrong, but she refuses to listen to my advice. It’s sad that I can’t respect her like this, but sometimes I even hate her. What should I do as her sister? I want to be honest with everyone around me about my sister, but I also have to consider her pride.

— Upset Younger Sister

Dear Sister: Lying this much indicates that there’s something deeper going on. Perhaps it’s psychological, perhaps it’s emotional. Perhaps she’s trying to cope with grief or disappointment or shame. It’s not for me to diagnose.

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Dear Eric: I have been a preschool teacher for more than 20 years. There are a few times throughout the year where the kids and their parents give us gifts, which of course is optional. Those occasions are Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Teacher Appreciation Week and Graduation.

I have never asked for, nor do I expect to receive gifts from the families, but am always thankful when I receive them, and I express my appreciation and gratitude for their gift.

It doesn’t happen often, but it does feel good when the families appreciate all of our hard work.

My boyfriend thinks I should be humble and modest and tell the kids and their families that I don’t want their gifts and to give it to someone else who needs them. He feels that handmade gifts are better. While I do agree that I don’t do this for the gifts, I disagree with me telling the families and especially the 3- and 4-year-old children that I do not want their gifts, especially when they are so excited to give them to me because they bought or picked it out themselves.

I feel like part of the joy is in the giving, and seeing my reaction to their thoughtful gift, and I refuse to crush the giving spirit that their families are trying to instill in their children. I’m not sure how much more humble and modest I can be.

Am I in the wrong for accepting gifts?

— Gifted Educator

Dear Gifted: Not guilty! (Bangs gigantic imaginary gavel!) Your boyfriend is putting too much thought into something that doesn’t really concern him. I don’t have to tell you how hard teachers work or how important you are to the healthy development of the children you teach. If some of the parents want to express their gratitude for the (hopefully well-paid, but usually not well-paid-enough) work you do, let them!

Gift-giving is a form of communication, and it can be quite good for children to learn one way of expressing thanks. It doesn’t sound like you’re making a huge deal out of it or creating a situation where students without gifts would feel ashamed. It sounds like this is something between you, the individual kids, and their respective parents.

Sure, handmade gifts are nice, too. But it strikes me as a bit ungrateful, and perhaps controlling, to demand that parents supervise another craft project rather than buying you a gift card. How they show their thanks is up to them.

If you, in turn, want to pass the gift on to someone else who needs it, that’s your prerogative. But I don’t think you need to protest more to the parents. Sometimes, when people want to say, “thank you,” the best response is “you’re welcome.”

Dear Eric: I have been in a wonderful, committed relationship for nine years but we do not live together. We are both advanced seniors whose families got along and were pleased that we were together.

The day before Thanksgiving his daughter, out of the blue, verbally attacked me over something insignificant. Her rant lasted 10 minutes while my boyfriend just sat there and said nothing.

I was totally surprised by her attack but even more so that he didn’t step in and say something to stop it. Her husband, on the other hand, interjected several times on her behalf.

I have been there for him for numerous hospital stays, Covid, joint replacements and the flu while his daughter only came once for two hours during his last hospital stay. I am disappointed, hurt and angry at both of them. On one hand I want to get past this but then do I really want to be in a situation where my man doesn’t stand up for me?

During the day, Vic Lyons works full-time in dementia care as a senior Admiral Nurse. Her job is to help families navigate the emotional and bureaucratic minefield of a disease that robs their loved ones of their independence, memories and cognitive functions. 

Although Vic would naturally display kindness and a sympathetic ear when listening to what people are going through, it is all the more poignant for her.

When she logs off to the day, Vic heads back to her home in Hertfordshire, where she and her husband, Andrew, 53, care for Andrew’s 89-year-old mother Margaret, who was diagnosed with dementia in January 2024. All while also raising their two sons, aged 15 and 12.  

‘At work, I support families going through dementia and, at home, I’m in the thick of it,’  Vic, 51, tells Metro. ‘Mornings are consumed with getting Margaret dressed and the boys to school, while evenings are spent coaxing her through confusion and helping my sons with homework. Then the weekends are swallowed by housework, bills and medication reviews.’

There is thought to be up to 2.4million ‘sandwich’ carers in the UK – people stuck between looking after their children and elderly relatives – something the nurse admits is ‘a tough gig’.

‘The demands are exhausting,’ she admits. ‘It feels like Groundhog Day and there’s no respite. When you’re caring for someone you love, there’s no off switch. Both Andrew and I work full time, so every day demands careful planning.

‘Andrew gets his mum dressed and drops her off at the local day centre each morning, while I put her to bed in the evening. Her dementia is advanced, and her memory span is sometimes just seconds.’

Vic explains that Margaret can no longer make herself a drink, and often forgets who the family are. ‘She gets anxious when she’s by herself. It takes all of us, including the boys, to care for her,’ she says.

‘I know how hard it is for families because of my job – and yet the reality is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.’

In 2021, Vic’s mother-in-law moved from London to a flat close to the family home, a move planned to preserve her independence for as long as possible.

‘She’d stopped cooking dinners, taking her pills properly and going to the supermarket,’ remembers Vic. ‘We didn’t have an official diagnosis but, because of my job, I knew where this was headed. We discussed what care Margaret would need and moved her in around the corner because she still wanted her autonomy. We installed cameras and zone alerts for peace of mind – and count ourselves lucky that she sleeps through the night.’  

However, Vic recognises that her mother-in-law will soon need around-the-clock care. ‘Her condition is fast deteriorating,’ she adds sadly. 

‘We’ve pressed the button on building an extension to our house next year. Margaret oscillates between not wanting to be a burden and not wanting to be alone. But for her welfare, we see no other choice than for her to move in with us.’  

Thankfully, Margaret has enough money saved to fund the day centre costs where she receives specialist dementia support and companionship during the week while Vic and Andrew are at work. Still, the couple will need to remortgage their house to pay for the extension.

While the family have had to confront the costs of later-life care, a new poll has revealed just how much Britain is burying its head in the sand when it comes to ageing, care needs and the price tags attached.

A national survey of UK adults aged 45-+ reveals that two-thirds (62%) have never discussed later-life care with a parent or partner, while only 6% have a clear plan for how they or their parents will be supported as they age.

In fact, an astonishing 94% of people don’t talk about these things until forced to by circumstance. It was only when Margaret began to display worrying symptoms that it prompted conversations about care, highlighting how even the most informed families often delay planning until they are forced to act. 

The research, commissioned by Age Space, the UK’s leading online hub for families supporting elderly relatives, paints a picture of widespread confusion, financial uncertainty and what campaigners are calling a ‘dangerous national silence’. 

Vic explains that she also worries about the emotional impact the situation is having on their family – especially their two boys. 

‘When Margaret’s distressed, they can feel a bit scared and unsure how to react,’ she explains. ‘She sometimes thinks Andrew is her husband and I’m the other woman – it’s hard for the boys to hear this. I want them to feel they can invite friends around and be normal noisy teenagers.

‘I feel constantly torn. If the boys come home and want to talk but Andrew’s mum is becoming distressed or needs something, I have to prioritise her.

‘On special occasions such as Christmas Day, I worry she’ll get upset and I don’t want the boys to carry that memory. I also feel sad that they probably won’t sit and watch a movie with us – there’s an emotional barrier there now because of Nan.’  

The personal toll of being a sandwich carer, is also something that resonates with Vic. ‘You’re caring for everyone except yourself,’ she admits. ‘We get an hour watching TV at night if we’re lucky. I haven’t been to the gym in a year, and holidays look impossible for us now.

‘Last year, we went to Portugal while Margaret stayed with her sister, but a UTI led to delirium and she was admitted to hospital. We spent our holiday speaking to doctors and worried sick about her.’

For Vic, the silence around care in the UK is rooted in fear, rather than avoidance.

‘People don’t know where to start. The topic is wrapped up in fear – fear of cost, fear of losing independence, fear of aging. It isn’t easy,’ she says. 

‘People imagine caring is popping in to make a cup of tea. But it’s navigating memory loss, safety worries, emotional distress and guilt. And most people have no idea how much support they will need until they’re already drowning.’

To tackle Britain’s care silence, Age Space has launched the Prepare to Care campaign, fronted by broadcaster Janet Ellis. The campaign urges families to have earlier conversations about care, ideally years before decisions are forced on them by crisis. For more information, click here.

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Dear Eric: My mother is in her last months of life. She has been cared for in her home for the last three years by increasingly expensive home health care workers. I and other siblings have suggested over and over that she be put in a care home for round-the-clock care, but our oldest sibling (we’ll call them Jimmy) has steadfastly refused, saying nursing homes let people die and neglect patients and cause massive bedsores and all sorts of terrible over-the-top excuses.

Well, now that Jimmy’s own mother-in-law is going into a nursing home Jimmy has decided it’s time for our mother to go as well.

We have had family meetings where we decide as a sibling group how to care for our mother and then Jimmy goes against the group decision. Prior to the conflict over our mother’s care, I had a good, albeit not close, relationship with this sibling, but now I’m so frustrated by the selfish choices made regarding our mother’s care that I’m ready to say goodbye forever once mom is buried.

Should I let years of bullying in regard to caring for our mother be the cause to cut off contact with Jimmy?

— Frustrated Little Sister

Dear Sister: It’s really unfortunate that Jimmy is dealing with the stress, confusion, and grief of this phase of life by refusing to collaborate and resorting to, as you write, bullying behavior. Perhaps in his mind, he’s the one keeping the ship right. Perhaps he’s grasping after a version of life that’s no longer possible. I have empathy for him and for you, but the fact is that no matter his intentions, he’s caused harm in your relationship and that needs repair.

Don’t cut him off but do have a conversation with him about the way you’ve interacted in the past. There’s no need to rehash old conflicts, but it’s fine to say something like “I didn’t like being in conflict about mom’s care. I want us to have a different relationship going forward. How can we do that?”

Dear Eric: My husband and I moved to a new city last year and were eager to make friends. We became close to another couple, “Susan and Mike,” rather quickly and saw them often. I realized after several months however that, while I enjoyed Susan’s company, Mike is not someone I am comfortable with.

He is a heavy drinker and makes sexist and racist comments that leave me cringing. I’ve reached out to Susan several times to suggest the two of us do things solo, but unfortunately, they are quite joined at the hip.

She’s reached out a number of times over the past couple of months to ask about our next get together, and each time I pretended we had conflicts but didn’t suggest alternative dates. She reached out again today and I feel bad.

I can’t keep avoiding them, but I am not sure how to best put some distance between us without creating ill will. I feel that honestly isn’t the best policy here, but maybe I am just trying to avoid the inevitable.

— Uncoupling the Couple