Here’s to the mum groups that keep us sane this Mother’s day


Here’s to the mum groups that keep us sane this Mother’s day
Alicia Drabble-Castellano pictured with her mum friends (Picture: Supplied)

At 35 weeks pregnant, Sophie Baldwin is excitedly looking forward to the arrival of her third baby.

And one thing she knows she can count on in the delightful, all-consuming chaos which accompanies a newborn, is the support of her ‘mum group’.

Modern mum groups have come under fire in recent months, with singer and actress Ashley Tisdale writing a viral essay ‘breaking up’ with hers, sparking countless articles, TikToks and Reels about these sometimes ‘toxic’ settings.

But Sophie thinks mum groups are well worth celebrating this Mother’s Day. 

Sophie is 35 weeks pregnant with her third child (Picture: Supplied)

She counts two members of her original NCT group from 2021, Hannah and Amy, among her closest friends, and says she’d be lost without best friend Charlotte, who she also met through her daughter.

Mum to Luca, four, and Amelie, two, Sophie, 33, from Harrogate, tells Metro: ‘Knowing I have these friends is invaluable. Before becoming a parent one doesn’t realise how much you lean on a network which is going through similar things at the same time.

‘This time, I have a support network from day dot which is brilliant.’

The NCT supports 250,000 parents each year in the UK and Channel Islands and whilst not all parents will join the prenatal classes, or get along with their groups, for some it’s invaluable.

Sophie Baldwin and her two children (Picture: Charlotte Nelson Photography)

Sophie was drawn to Hannah, 39, and Amy, 40, by their similarly dark sense of humour. She met best friend Charlotte when she came to model for Sophie’s maternity and breastfeeding clothing line, with her own nine-week-old baby.

Sophie says: ‘I thought I would get to the school gates before I found a group of people who I really gelled with. Instead I have friends I can lean on, whenever I need.

While her friends are always on hand for emergency childcare, one moment sticks in her mind.

‘Charlotte and her partner came over to ours not long after our second was born and cooked us dinner and did bath and bedtime for our eldest, so that we could just relax,’ she remembers.

‘Moments like that are invaluable and often ones you don’t want to ask for, but when you have the right people around you, you don’t have to ask, they’re just done out of love.’

Sophie Baldwin with her BFF Charlotte (Picture:Supplied)

When Ashley Tisdale put her former mum friends on blast, she described feeling excluded by a group which was no longer ‘healthy and positive’ for her. Sophie she doesn’t think mum groups deserve such a bad rap, though.

‘Mum groups, in my experience, have been as far away from toxic as they possibly could be,’ she says.

‘I’ve had nothing but support, kindness, unconditional love, and plenty of chocolate and wine out of them!’

Sometimes, it can take a little longer to find friendship and support though. Recently, the NCT found 62% of new parents feel lonely or isolated at least some of the time.

This was the case for Elaine Gregersen, 45, of Newcastle on Tyne. In 2019 she and her husband Mark, 45, an IT Asset and Contracts manager, were expecting identical twin boys, but the pregnancy was complicated.

She says: ‘I tried to meet people through pregnancy yoga but with my sickness it was too difficult. We weren’t part of NCT but we were meant to be going to London to have a special class on twins further into my pregnancy. However, at 24 weeks my waters broke.’

Her twins, Henry and Blake, arrived in May 2019, four months early, and critically ill. Sadly, older twin Henry, lived only one week.

Elaine says: ‘I was a twin mum and then I was a mum who only had one baby and was grieving, and doctors didn’t expect Blake to live. He was very unwell.’

Miraculously, despite being ‘at death’s door’ numerous times, Blake survived. ‘It was a lonely time,’ Elaine says. ‘I left Whatsapp groups. I had two amazing friends who checked in on me, but I withdrew from everyone.’

Elaine Gregersen pictured with newborn Blake (Picture: Supplied)

In September 2019, after 123 days in hospital, her son was allowed home. Soon it became apparent he wasn’t reaching milestones such as sitting, crawling, or making eye contact and in time he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, amongst other disabilities and life-limiting conditions.

Elaine says: ‘I didn’t know anyone with a child like mine. Holidays were difficult because we couldn’t go to spaces other children went too.

‘Wheeling Blake in his wheelchair into a park can be quite intimidating because I wouldn’t know if there was anything accessible for him. Although my friends were amazing, I didn’t have the group I thought I’d have.’ 

Elaine Gregersen with her son, Blake (Picture: Supplied)

Then in summer 2024, Elaine came across an advert for group Little SENDsations.

She says: ‘The group was for disabled children and their parents, carers or grandparents.

‘I didn’t know what made me do it, because I’m not necessarily brave, but I decided we would go to a meet up. I needed it and I thought even if it was awful, then I’d given it a go.’

When she arrived, she immediately felt accepted.

Elaine says: ‘One of the organisers walked up and started talking to Blake like a typical child, even though she knew it was unlikely he’d reply.

‘The day was incredible. All the other children were wheelchair-based as well and I started asking questions about their chairs and swapping stories of the difficulties we had all faced with the SEND system or the local authority.

‘We fitted in and I didn’t have to do any explaining.’

Through the group, Blake and Elaine have tried swimming, been on speed boats and enjoyed dolphin-watching. And now Blake, six, commando crawls up to friends made through the organisation.

Elaine says: ‘He knows everyone and it’s life-changing. I know that if I’m having a difficult day or something, good or bad, happens, then I can send a message to the group or ring someone, who will listen and understand.

‘Although each child is different, we understand what it’s like to be caring for a child with very complex needs.

‘Meeting that group changed my life. My sanity has been saved so many times by knowing they are there.

‘I’m never alone now. They are a group of superheroes that I know I can call on, and they are my mates.’

While some groups may drift apart once their child is a little older, for others, the friends made in the first days of parenthood last for life.

Business founder Alicia Drabble-Castellano, 49, from Wimbledon Park, London, gave birth to her daughter Mia nearly 17 years ago. She and her NCT group still regularly meet up, have gone on holidays together and are life-long friends.

Here’s to the mum groups that keep us sane this Mother’s day
Alicia Drabble-Castellano pictured with her mum friends (Picture: Supplied)

Alicia says: ‘I got pregnant in 2008, one of the first in our friendship group to have babies.

‘Because I was an EYFS teacher, I naively imagined I would have it sorted. I loved kids and was a perfectionist, so I put a lot of pressure on myself.’

The couple joined an NCT class where Alicia hoped to learn about pregnancy and childbirth.

She says: ‘I didn’t go in thinking these were going to be my friends but we all gelled straight away, especially when one friend, Felicity, commented to the teacher that she was being misleading by implying a birth with medical intervention was a failure.

‘I didn’t think about it at the time, but when I was in a difficult, 56-hour labour, I remembered that comment and was glad she had said it.’

Alicia Drabble-Castellano with baby Mia (Picture: Supplied)

After the traumatic birth, Alicia found herself feeling ‘fragile and vulnerable’.

She says: ‘Every Wednesday lunchtime the NCT group would meet up. I went and was so shellshocked, these amazing women who I had only known for a few weeks just held Mia and looked after us both.

‘I felt there was a lot of pressure to look a certain way, with make-up done and swishy hair, and I was so far from that, but the girls just hugged me and I realised I didn’t need to put on a show.’

Alicia Drabble-Castellano pictured with her son, daughter and husband (Picture: Supplied)

Practically, having a handful of friends going through the same thing was useful for 3am messages asking why sleeping patterns had changed or whether a dirty nappy was a normal colour.

The group supported Alicia through her decision to leave teaching and set up clothing brand Single Swan in 2020, and she describes them as her ‘emergency contacts, both practically and emotionally’.

Together they’ve been through highs and lows, including school choices, annual trips to Christmas grottoes and group holidays.

And now, nearly two decades on, they still meet up.

She says: ‘We have been really lucky, lots of people lose contact with their group after a couple of years.

‘We just clicked, it was the rawness of letting down our guard and admitting to finding things tough to each other.

‘My friends demonstrate acceptance, unconditional love and sisterhood. They have seen me at my most vulnerable and held me close. They are very special people.’


How to talk to children about what’s happening in the Middle East


How to talk to children about what’s happening in the Middle East
Children will likely have questions and be more aware than you realise (Picture: Getty Images)

As the crisis in the Middle East escalates, so do anxieties around the situation.

The US and Israel have launched airstrikes in Iran, and the conflict is spilling over into neighbouring countries, with missiles fired at a British airbase in Cyprus.

For those caught up in the violence and attacks, it’s unimaginable – and for those looking on from afar, the feelings of fear and helplessness can be overwhelming.

For children, who have less of an idea of what is going on, this can be even more terrifying.

Hearing words like ‘bombing’ and ‘World War Three’ without a full understanding of what’s going on is worrying for us all, and it doesn’t escape our little ones.

Mother comforts her crying daughter in a bedroom, sharing a tender hug and emotional support
The news can be terrifying for little ones (Picture Getty Images)

‘Children are like sponges; they’re absorbing everything,’ explains hypnotherapist, psychotherapist and mentor, Tania Taylor.

‘Whether it’s on the news, someone talking to the shop checkout lady, parents chatting in the playground, or a TikTok video, much of what they are hearing, especially once at school, is out of your control.

‘And sometimes, external factors (for example, Kevin in the playground telling everyone that World War Three is starting and we’re all going to die) can provoke more of a fear response.’

Even very young children may be more aware of what war is than we might even realise.

‘Many children have been exposed to adults or older siblings playing war-type computer games or watching YouTube influencers play such games on their own or a friend’s mobile phone or tablet,’ Tania says.

‘So, words like “bombing” may not be as unfamiliar to our children as we might assume.’

Therefore, it’s worth considering your language around younger children. 

But how is best to explain what’s going on to the children in your life? And how can you go about reassuring any anxieties (while also managing your own)?

Boy using smartphone with headphones
Kids might be familiar with words like ‘war’ and ‘bombing’ because of video games and social media (Picture: Getty Images)

How to approach the subject

As parents and carers, we can feel like what we should be doing is giving them all of the facts and keeping them informed. But this approach can sometimes leave children feeling overwhelmed, Tania explains.

‘Children tend to be really good at spontaneous questioning. If they want to know something, they’ll ask,’ she says.

But if they do ask, or you feel that they need some explanation or reassurance, it’s important to think about how you’re feeling first.

Tania recommends: ‘First of all, you need to consider your own state of mind in relation to what is going on and how much information you would personally like to give your child.

‘This is important as even if you are led by your child’s questioning, you begin with at least some self-awareness of how you are feeling and where you want to go with it. 

‘If you are particularly anxious about it all, it may be that you choose to wait until a time when you’re feeling less anxious to talk about it. Or perhaps having a discussion with another important adult in your child’s life, who can talk to your child instead, like a teacher or grandparent.’ 

Tania suggests that you may want to start with a non-specific question, like ‘have you learned about wars at school?’, and then listen to your child’s response.

‘What you’re doing here is enabling your child an opportunity to talk about something which they may not realise they can talk about,’ she notes.

‘If your child isn’t interested, they’ll tell you so, and there’s no need to push the conversation. If they go on to hear something at school, they’ll know you know about it, and be more likely to approach you with any questions.’

It’s always a good idea to let children know that, if they have any questions, they can ask you.

Father and son having serious conversation in bedroom
Let children ask you questions (Picture: Getty Images)

What can parents do and say to explain but not frighten?

Talking about the distance between the UK and ongoing events can be helpful, suggests Tania.

‘As much as we don’t want to normalise war, it is something that has been happening at varying points across the globe for the whole of your child’s life,’ she explains.

‘Knowing this can help to reassure your child that the chance they will be directly impacted is quite minimal.

‘Although they may want to talk to you about the people who are directly impacted. Keep language age-appropriate and be led by your child.

‘Taking action, such as getting in touch with a charity organisation that may accept shoebox-type gifts, is a really good way of showing your child that although this is happening far away, there are still small actions we can take to give our support.’

Active listening

Tania also recommends a technique called ‘active listening’, which you can use if your child is interested and wants to know more.

‘What you are doing here is paying full attention to your child during the whole conversation, ignoring distractions, and putting all your focus on listening to your child’s words,’ she tells us.

‘Listen to what they’re asking, and don’t give more information than they are asking for. We humans have a habit of oversharing, which is a situation when that’s not necessarily helpful.’

And if you don’t know all the answers to their questions, don’t be afraid to say you don’t know.

Tania adds: ‘Perhaps you can spend time searching for information together, or maybe you feel more comfortable saying you’ll find out and let them know later on.’

How to talk to kids of different age groups

News like this can be scary to children if not handled in the right way, and it will be different for different ages, explains Kirsty Ketley, a qualified early years and parenting consultant.

‘There is no ‘one way’ approach, as all children are different, but it is important that the subject is treated with sensitivity and understanding of what children need to know, weighed against what they are hearing from other sources,’ she tells us.

‘Children of all ages will also feel more worried when they think that no one is willing to talk about things that are worrying to them – they will think that it is too scary or upsetting to talk about, which then adds to their worries.’

Under seven

‘I think it is unlikely for this age group to properly pick up on what is going on,’ says Kirsty.

‘But, if they do overhear your conversations or see the news and ask questions, it is important to make sure they know they are safe and that what is happening is not in our country – perhaps showing them on a map or globe, so they can grasp the distance.

‘Kids of this age don’t need to be burdened with news that they are unable to understand, so if they don’t mention it, don’t bring it up. Let them be blissfully unaware.’

Jacqui O’Connell is a Youth Leader and Co-founder of the charity Spiritus, supporting homeschooled children in West London.

She says: ‘For younger children, we recommend reading a book about general worries and how to deal with them, such as Scared and Worried by psychiatrist James J Crist, PhD. You can then apply this to their worries about the situation with Ukraine and Russia.

‘Age-appropriate books on worries can help us discuss concerns and support children without too much detail.’

Tweens (between eight and 12)

‘Tweens are at an impressionable age and are more aware of the world around them,’ says Kirsty.

‘They will have learned about war and conflict in history lessons at school, and so they will have preconceived ideas of what it is all about.

She recommends watching something like Newsround, aimed towards 6-12-year-olds, which explains things in an appropriate way. ‘If you are worried about how to go about things, watch it with your child and then have a discussion about what you have watched.’

Another key to talking to children between the ages of 7-12 yrs is also how we question them.

‘Keep it positive,’ says educational expert and founder of KidCoachApp Kavin Wadhar.

‘Don’t ask why they are worried. Children often struggle to understand their emotions, which can lead to further anxiety. Instead, ask them questions to help them work out solutions to their worries.’

‘It is also crucial for parents to be aware of how they discuss the situation in the Middle East with other adults around children or in earshot.

‘Children are susceptible to how parents respond to issues, which can have a massive impact on a child’s anxieties. Studies have shown that children from as young as one to two years old will mimic parents’ behaviour.’

Teens (12 and above)

Kirsty suggests asking them what they already know and giving them lots of reassurance if they are worried.

‘Let them know that you are there to talk through things,’ she says.

‘I think it is important that they know that what they are seeing on social media won’t all be accurate and suggest that they watch the news or read reliable news sources online, instead.’

For teenagers, it is important to research the issues, look at the history of wars, and discuss why we have wars,’ support worker and joint founder of Spiritus, Gemma Eni Cherish, says.

‘We have had group discussions to give everyone a chance to share their point of view after exploring what is happening and why, which helps ease their concerns.

‘It also helps support children in finding their confidence as we suggest they develop ways to deal with anxieties. They build trust and confidence by sharing, and we all learn how to support each other.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.


‘I refuse to vaccinate my son – why does that make me a conspiracy theorist?’


‘I refuse to vaccinate my son – why does that make me a conspiracy theorist?’
After having reactions to two different jabs, Zoe has decided she doesn’t want her son to have any more (Picture: Getty Images)

Following her son’s third round of baby vaccinations, Zoe Nichols felt helpless as she listened to his endless cries. Even though the little boy had been given the suggested doses of Calpol, he just wouldn’t settle. 

‘He was just crying and crying,’ Zoe, 39, tells Metro.

She wanted to stay with him following the vaccinations, but Zoe had compulsory training at work the next day, so that afternoon the beauty therapist bundled her baby into the car to take him to his grandparents, a two-hour drive away. 

‘For the whole journey, he mainly slept – he loved being in the car,’ Zoe remembers. 

After dropping her son off with his grandparents, she made the two-hour drive back to Dorset, only to receive a worrying phone call as soon as she walked through the door at around 11pm.

‘His grandparents were saying that he wasn’t right – he wouldn’t stop crying, and he had a fever that wasn’t coming down with medicine,’ Zoe remembers. ‘They were going to take him to the hospital.’

The doctors tried to reassure the family that it was probably just a common virus, but Zoe couldn’t help but feel eaten up with ‘mum guilt’, because she couldn’t do anything to help. Eventually, her son was put on a drip for the night and, as she tried to sleep, Zoe kept her phone close by in case of an update.  

Thankfully, the next morning, she received a smiling photo of her baby, who was all back to normal.

As a child, Zoe remembers having all her vaccines, and yet, at 15, she still got measles. She says that two years later, at beauty college, half of her class — some who had been vaccinated and some who hadn’t — were off with mumps. 

‘You take all the information that you’re given as gospel,’ says Zoe (Picture: Supplied)

The experience always made her question the point of vaccinations and whether they actually worked, she says. So when Zoe became pregnant at 31, she started to think about what she should do for her baby. 

At her NCT class, she remembers being urged by the leading midwife to give children whatever vaccines are offered by the NHS. ‘You take all the information that you’re given as gospel,’ Zoe explains. ‘But all pros and cons should be made available.’ 

Although a couple of acquaintances had said there were ‘lots of warnings on side effects’ when it came to jabs, she eventually decided to go along with NHS guidelines and booked the MMR vaccinations for her baby. 

While her son’s eight and 12-week jabs were uneventful – he had just a mild fever manageable with Calpol – it was the 16-week shots that Zoe believes landed her baby in hospital. 

‘I  thought that it came and went too quickly to be a virus,’ she says.

A doctor is injecting a vaccine to a baby boy
After his initial jabs,Zoe’s son hasn’t had any of the vaccines offered through the NHS (Picture: Getty Images)

Just before he turned one, it was then suggested that her little boy have a Bacillus Calmette-Guérin (BCG) vaccine to protect him from picking up tuberculosis from abroad, as his father’s family from India often visited. Again, Zoe did what the doctors recommended.

‘But the vaccine injection site got scabby and pussy. It took ages for his skin to heal, and he still has a big scar from it,’ she says, adding that it was the last straw for her.  ‘I wasn’t going to put him through that anymore.’

Since then, Zoe’s son hasn’t had any of the vaccines offered through the NHS to children, at one year, 18 months, three years, flu, or Covid vaccines. 

‘I’m not a scientist, but I know what happened for me and mine,’ she says. ‘I don’t want to look at stats and figures, because those can be easily manipulated by pharmaceutical companies.’

But her choice has raised eyebrows, with several healthcare professionals and acquaintances warning the mum that she should ‘protect’ her little boy by getting him vaccinated.

‘I don’t want to look at stats and figures, because those can be easily manipulated,’ says Zoe (Picture: Supplied)

Zoe remembers one occasion in early spring 2023, when her son was rushed to the A&E because he couldn’t breathe at nursery. 

‘Initially, I was asked if he had received all his jabs. When I replied no, the nurse gave me a look as if I had sneezed in her face,’ she claims. ‘She then told the doctor with an attitude, and acted as if I hadn’t fed him for a week or had committed some other form of neglect.’

The toddler ended up being diagnosed as having both enterovirus and rhinovirus and recovered within days. 

Zoe insists that she feels cautious when anyone pushes her into making a decision, not just whether it involves vaccinating her son. Anyone quick to judge anti-vaxxers, she’d like to know the ‘primary experience’ that led them to think the way they do. 

‘Why are they so for vaccines?’ Zoe asks. ‘My child was in the hospital overnight directly after having had a vaccine. That’s why I’m against it. My primary experience has led to my decision.’

News that measles cases have been found in the UK doesn’t scare Zoe, either. In fact, what frightens her is thinking about the children who do get vaccinations and what they are having put into their bodies.

She wonders why we question what is in our food and water, but don’t ask what the vaccines are, and the harmful impacts that they could have on adults and children.

‘I think there are pros and cons to everything,’ she says.

Monkeypox vaccination of a female toddler in the hospital ward
Zoe believes that there are better ways to stop disease spreading than vaccinating people (Picture: Getty Images)

Zoe believes that if her child did get measles, he would get ill and then get better, just like she did when she had measles at 15.  However, recent statistics have shown that measles is on the rise across Europe, with nearly 130,000 people contracting it last year, double the number in 2023 and the highest rate since 1997. Last June, a child from Liverpool died from contracting the disease, while London is currently seeing a fast-spreading outbreak infect dozens of schoolchildren.

While Zoe acknowledges the pain families who have lost children due to measles must feel, her personal experiences mean she will not sway her decision. Instead, she asks: ‘Why in 30 years has nobody managed to find a cure for when you actually have measles?’

The mum insists she doesn’t throw caution to the wind either, but takes precautions to keep herself, her child, and the people around her safe from any virus. When her son comes home from playdates and school, or is about to eat a meal, Zoe makes sure he washes his hands. 

‘In my opinion, there are better ways to stop disease spreading than vaccinating people,’ she explains. ‘It can just start with safe measures like washing your hands or using a bit of sanitiser. If clients are under the weather, I don’t see them, and I wear a mask during my treatments.

‘I just don’t feel that mass medication will help. If you look after your body and your mind, I really don’t think you need a vaccine.’ 

Zoe is also keen to guide her son away from injections until he can make a fully educated decision for himself. 

‘I’m not a radical conspiracy theorist,’ she insists. ‘I’m just being mindful and conscious. It’s my choice and I don’t want myself or my child to be an experiment.’

What a doctor says…

Dr Hana Patel, a third-party GP consultant for Superdrug’s Online Doctor, tells Metro:

‘When vaccines are missed, children lose a vital layer of protection against diseases that can spread quickly in schools. Viruses like measles are highly contagious — one infected child can spread it to 9 out of 10 unvaccinated classmates. For children, these infections can cause serious complications, from pneumonia to long-term neurological problems.

‘Vaccines use tiny, safe fragments of a virus or bacteria to ‘teach’ the immune system how to defend against the real thing. This training means that if your child is exposed, their body is ready to fight it off without them ever becoming seriously ill. It’s not just about protecting one child — high vaccination rates create herd immunity, which shields newborns, people with medical conditions, and others who can’t be vaccinated.

‘When vaccine uptake drops, we see outbreaks. Measles, once close to elimination, has resurged in parts of the UK and Europe because people are missing their jabs. Without widespread vaccination, diseases can re-establish themselves, leading to avoidable illness and hospitalisations.’

A version of this article was first published in October 2025.


Britain’s hidden crisis: the toll of sandwich carers


Britain’s hidden crisis: the toll of sandwich carers
A helping hand. Volunteering and senior care. (Credits: Getty Images)

During the day, Vic Lyons works full-time in dementia care as a senior Admiral Nurse. Her job is to help families navigate the emotional and bureaucratic minefield of a disease that robs their loved ones of their independence, memories and cognitive functions. 

Although Vic would naturally display kindness and a sympathetic ear when listening to what people are going through, it is all the more poignant for her.

When she logs off to the day, Vic heads back to her home in Hertfordshire, where she and her husband, Andrew, 53, care for Andrew’s 89-year-old mother Margaret, who was diagnosed with dementia in January 2024. All while also raising their two sons, aged 15 and 12.  

‘At work, I support families going through dementia and, at home, I’m in the thick of it,’  Vic, 51, tells Metro. ‘Mornings are consumed with getting Margaret dressed and the boys to school, while evenings are spent coaxing her through confusion and helping my sons with homework. Then the weekends are swallowed by housework, bills and medication reviews.’

There is thought to be up to 2.4million ‘sandwich’ carers in the UK – people stuck between looking after their children and elderly relatives – something the nurse admits is ‘a tough gig’.

‘The demands are exhausting,’ she admits. ‘It feels like Groundhog Day and there’s no respite. When you’re caring for someone you love, there’s no off switch. Both Andrew and I work full time, so every day demands careful planning.

Vic is one of thousands of ‘sandwich’ carers in the UK

‘Andrew gets his mum dressed and drops her off at the local day centre each morning, while I put her to bed in the evening. Her dementia is advanced, and her memory span is sometimes just seconds.’

Vic explains that Margaret can no longer make herself a drink, and often forgets who the family are. ‘She gets anxious when she’s by herself. It takes all of us, including the boys, to care for her,’ she says.

‘I know how hard it is for families because of my job – and yet the reality is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.’

In 2021, Vic’s mother-in-law moved from London to a flat close to the family home, a move planned to preserve her independence for as long as possible.

‘She’d stopped cooking dinners, taking her pills properly and going to the supermarket,’ remembers Vic. ‘We didn’t have an official diagnosis but, because of my job, I knew where this was headed. We discussed what care Margaret would need and moved her in around the corner because she still wanted her autonomy. We installed cameras and zone alerts for peace of mind – and count ourselves lucky that she sleeps through the night.’  

However, Vic recognises that her mother-in-law will soon need around-the-clock care. ‘Her condition is fast deteriorating,’ she adds sadly. 

‘We’ve pressed the button on building an extension to our house next year. Margaret oscillates between not wanting to be a burden and not wanting to be alone. But for her welfare, we see no other choice than for her to move in with us.’  

How to sign up to our 2026 Metro Lifeline challenge

This year Metro.co.uk is proudly supporting Alzheimer’s Society for our 2026 Lifeline campaign.

On Saturday 13 June 2026, we’re inviting our readers to take on an incredible challenge: an epic hike through the stunning Cotswolds countryside — all to help support people living with dementia.

Choose your distance: 25km, 50km or 100km.

With registration starting at just £15, and fundraising targets of £150 (25km), £225 (50km) or £330 (100km), you can push yourself as far as you want — while helping fund vital support and research.

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For our ‘everything you need to know’ guide, click here – or if you’re already raring to sign up, click here.

Thankfully, Margaret has enough money saved to fund the day centre costs where she receives specialist dementia support and companionship during the week while Vic and Andrew are at work. Still, the couple will need to remortgage their house to pay for the extension.

Great grandma, mom and girl watch TV on tablet.
Two-thirds of UK adults have never discussed later-life care with a parent or partner (Credits: Getty Images)

While the family have had to confront the costs of later-life care, a new poll has revealed just how much Britain is burying its head in the sand when it comes to ageing, care needs and the price tags attached.

A national survey of UK adults aged 45-+ reveals that two-thirds (62%) have never discussed later-life care with a parent or partner, while only 6% have a clear plan for how they or their parents will be supported as they age.

In fact, an astonishing 94% of people don’t talk about these things until forced to by circumstance. It was only when Margaret began to display worrying symptoms that it prompted conversations about care, highlighting how even the most informed families often delay planning until they are forced to act. 

The research, commissioned by Age Space, the UK’s leading online hub for families supporting elderly relatives, paints a picture of widespread confusion, financial uncertainty and what campaigners are calling a ‘dangerous national silence’. 

Tired stressed out mother and her daughter.
Situations like Vic’s can also have an impact on the children in the family (Credits: Getty Images)

Vic explains that she also worries about the emotional impact the situation is having on their family – especially their two boys. 

‘When Margaret’s distressed, they can feel a bit scared and unsure how to react,’ she explains. ‘She sometimes thinks Andrew is her husband and I’m the other woman – it’s hard for the boys to hear this. I want them to feel they can invite friends around and be normal noisy teenagers.

‘I feel constantly torn. If the boys come home and want to talk but Andrew’s mum is becoming distressed or needs something, I have to prioritise her.

Being a sandwich carer has also taken a personal toll on Vic

‘On special occasions such as Christmas Day, I worry she’ll get upset and I don’t want the boys to carry that memory. I also feel sad that they probably won’t sit and watch a movie with us – there’s an emotional barrier there now because of Nan.’  

The personal toll of being a sandwich carer, is also something that resonates with Vic. ‘You’re caring for everyone except yourself,’ she admits. ‘We get an hour watching TV at night if we’re lucky. I haven’t been to the gym in a year, and holidays look impossible for us now.

‘Last year, we went to Portugal while Margaret stayed with her sister, but a UTI led to delirium and she was admitted to hospital. We spent our holiday speaking to doctors and worried sick about her.’

For Vic, the silence around care in the UK is rooted in fear, rather than avoidance.

‘People don’t know where to start. The topic is wrapped up in fear – fear of cost, fear of losing independence, fear of aging. It isn’t easy,’ she says. 

‘People imagine caring is popping in to make a cup of tea. But it’s navigating memory loss, safety worries, emotional distress and guilt. And most people have no idea how much support they will need until they’re already drowning.’

To tackle Britain’s care silence, Age Space has launched the Prepare to Care campaign, fronted by broadcaster Janet Ellis. The campaign urges families to have earlier conversations about care, ideally years before decisions are forced on them by crisis. For more information, click here.