Parenting is a real rollercoaster – and one area plenty of parents (myself included) often find tricky is figuring out how on earth to successfully discipline kids.

After all, they will often push boundaries and buttons (especially the younger ones) and increasingly, we know that shouting and throwing our proverbial toys out of the pram isn’t going to help solve the problem.

Nor will taking their toys or privileges away in a knee-jerk, frustration-fuelled reaction.

People are increasingly rethinking how they parent, according to Pinterest’s latest parenting trends report – and interestingly, the platform has witnessed a 295% increase in searches for ‘positive discipline’.

Per Unicef, positive discipline is “a method of teaching appropriate behaviour by interacting with children in a kind but firm manner”.

It’s about setting clear expectations, focusing on rewarding correct behaviour, correcting misbehaviour when it occurs, being respectful and non-violent, and providing logical consequences.

On the latter note, The Welsh government suggests parents should try to give positive consequences for their child’s positive behaviour more often than they give negative consequences for unwanted behaviours. An example of a positive consequence might be: “Well done for putting all your toys away, now we can read a book together.”

This can be helpful to prioritise as if we get into a habit of focusing on a child’s bad behaviour (which can be easily done), they might realise it’s a way to get your attention, and so the cycle continues.

Children who experience positive relationships are less likely to engage in challenging behaviour, according to Unicef, so it’s worth taking time to get this right.

With this in mind, I asked therapists and counsellors which positive discipline techniques work best for them in practice and, for those who have children, at home.

Sarah Wheatley, a BACP accredited therapist at Birth and Beyond, who specialises in supporting mums, says she will often stop and ask herself: “What am I feeling just now?”

She might be feeling defensive, scared, or angry. “If I am coming from a place of fear, such as fear of embarrassment or judgement or ‘getting it wrong’ in some way, then I might be trying to get my kid to behave in a certain way to manage MY anxiety,” she says.

“It can really help asking myself that question, because then it allows me to really pay attention to what actually might be going on for my child and try to understand better.

“Often, that helps me figure out an intervention (or not) that is going to REALLY work for them and help them grow, rather than me imposing something to try to control their behaviour.”

Similarly, Debbie Keenan, a BACP senior accredited psychotherapist, ensures she is regulated before she even attempts to help regulate a child.

“I always draw from The Polyvagal Theory,” she explains, “this concept explains how one nervous system can calm another nervous system, how our automatic nervous system responds to safety and danger.”

She will stop and notice what is going on in her own body first if a child is dysregulated, asking herself: Is my heart rate faster? My breathing shallow?

“By consciously slowing my breathing, softening my voice, relaxing my posture, it sends signals of safety,” she explains. “A calm, grounded adult nervous system can enable a child to shift out of their fight, flight or freeze reaction into connection.”

For L.J Jones, a BACP registered therapist and author of Become the Parent You Needed: Heal Yourself to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children, “the most powerful discipline shift” is connect before you correct.

“Co-regulation and emotional connection with our children before leaping into rigid corrective mode is the baseline for healthy parenting, whilst still teaching realistic boundaries,” said Jones.

“When a child is overwhelmed, their nervous system moves into fight-or-flight. In that state, they cannot access logic, reflection, or learning. Attempting to discipline in that moment often escalates behaviour rather than resolving it, and increases stress levels for everyone involved.”

On the subject of connection, experts recommend planning in one-on-one time with children – whether five or 20 minutes a day – to help improve relationships and also reduce misbehaviour.

Nobody’s perfect and sometimes we get things wrong. For BACP registered psychotherapist Charlotte Fox Weber, it’s crucial that parents acknowledge when this happens – and focus on repair.

It’s noticing those moments when you really did overreact or when you projected your own bad day onto a small person who had nothing to do with it.

She says children don’t need parents who get everything right, they need parents who can get it wrong and stay in the room. Parents who can say: “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

“That moment teaches something a chart or calm-voice technique can’t replicate – that ruptures are survivable,” she explains. “That love isn’t a performance of perfection but a willingness to come back, recalibrate, and try again.”

And it’s also vital for building enduring attachments, she adds. “Being openly fallible in front of the people you’re raising isn’t a weakness. It’s one of the most hopeful things you can model. You become living proof – in real time, in the kitchen, on a Tuesday – that people can make mistakes, stay, and come back better.”

The parents of a five-year-old boy who died after accidentally being exposed to an allergen at school have welcomed the government’s new allergy plans for schools.

On 1 December 2021, Benedict Blythe went to school, as normal, yet a few hours later, his dad Peter received a call to say he’d been sick. When he arrived to pick up his son, it became clear he was seriously unwell.

Peter began CPR until an ambulance arrived. Sadly, despite medical help, Benedict was pronounced dead in hospital just after lunchtime.

An inquest into his death determined the five-year-old died from an accidental exposure to cow’s milk protein, which triggered fatal anaphylaxis.

His parents, Helen and Peter, have been fiercely campaigning for safety changes in schools ever since.

The couple have worked with clinicians, coroners, charities and parliamentarians to highlight gaps in allergy safety in schools and push for national protections so no other family suffers a similar fate.

And now it seems ‘Benedict’s Law’ is set to make real change.

The government has shared that under new statutory guidance, schools will have to stock life-saving adrenaline auto-injector pens, teachers will undergo compulsory allergy awareness training, and every school will need to have a dedicated allergy policy.

The guidance is currently open for consultation and will come into force in September 2026.

Helen and Peter said: “We are grateful that the government has listened to us, and that as a result a new generation of children with allergies will, from September, enter a school system far safer for them.

“Our son Benedict died aged just five years old, from an allergic reaction in school that was not only preventable but treatable.”

They added that if Benedict’s Law had been in place when their son joined his school, “he may still be alive”.

Food allergy affects around 7-8% of children worldwide, equivalent to roughly two pupils in every classroom. What’s more, roughly 30% of allergic reactions in schools occur in children previously undiagnosed with an allergy.

Yet research commissioned by the Benedict Blythe Foundation, which the family set up in their son’s name, revealed that one in three schools did not have an allergy policy and almost half did not hold spare life-saving medication.

“As a family, leading the campaign for allergy safety in schools has been about remembering our son,” Helen and Peter continued.

“He was a kind, clever boy who cared about helping others – so knowing that for the first time schools will be expected to protect children with allergies like him from harm feels like a fitting legacy for Benedict.”

The Benedict Blythe Foundation caveated that while guidance sets expectations, it does not create an enforceable legal duty or guarantee consistent implementation across every school.

Olivia Bailey, minister for Early Education, said: “No parent should have to send their child to school worried that a life-threatening allergic reaction won’t be handled swiftly.

“We have listened to the families and organisations who have campaigned tirelessly on this issue, and we are acting.

“These new requirements will give parents the confidence that every school has the training, the plans and the equipment in place to keep their child safe.”

Tanya Ednan-Laperouse OBE, whose daughter Natasha died aged 15 from an allergic reaction, said she is “deeply grateful” that the government is taking action to keep children with food allergies safe at school.

Former TOWIE star Chloe Lewis has shared more about the ice skating injury her son Beau, six, suffered on New Year’s Eve.

The youngster was ice skating in the afternoon when he fell over and someone ran over his finger with bladed skates, which the mum said “took his finger off”.

He underwent three-hour surgery to try and reattach the finger, which seemed to go well, but weeks later it became clear that it “didn’t take”.

Chloe is now petitioning for a change to the law that would see it become compulsory for children to wear safety gloves when ice skating to protect their hands.

The reality star, 35, who shares Beau with her ex partner Danny Flasher, told HuffPost UK: “After Beau lost his finger on New Year’s Eve, our world changed in an instant.

“The trauma of that day will stay with me forever, and watching him being put to sleep for surgery is something no parent should ever have to go through.

“It was absolutely heartbreaking.”

Last week she shared details of the family’s ordeal with her social media followers, as well as a link to the petition, which at the time of writing had almost 20,000 signatures.

The post prompted a wave of support, including from former TOWIE co-stars.

Ferne McCann commented: “Gosh I’m so sorry this happened. Brave Beau. I’ll be signing the petition.”

Lauren Goodger added: “Wow I’ve signed and sending you both so much love! Well done in this but I do hope your [sic] both ok and can’t imagine how hard this has been.”

Chloe said she is “asking for everyone’s support” in signing the petition. She hopes to garner 100,000 signatures so the issue will be considered for debate in parliament.

“Making gloves compulsory for children while ice skating is such a simple, practical step, but it could prevent devastating injuries and stop other families from experiencing the pain and trauma we have,” she told us.

“I want to turn our experience into something positive. I truly hope that one day I can tell my little boy that his bravery and strength helped bring about change and protected other children from suffering the same fate.”

As for Beau, Chloe said her son is “doing so well” and is now back at school.

In her social media post last week, Chloe explained that because his finger didn’t take, they are now waiting for it to “fall away naturally”. If it doesn’t, he’ll need another small operation to remove it.

In the meantime, the family is having weekly hospital check-ups. Chloe ended: “At the moment, it’s just a waiting game to see how everything heals, but we’re staying positive and hopeful.”

You can find Chloe’s petition here.

Parenting a child with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) can be wonderful, although parents often share that it’s not without its challenges.

One particularly exhausting element can be the process of bedtime – that is, helping children wind down for the evening and, ultimately, go to sleep.

Research suggests up to 50-70% of children with ADHD have sleep problems, with delayed sleep onset and bedtime resistance particularly common issues.

“Children with ADHD often have busy minds and bodies, which can make bedtime a real challenge,” sleep consultant Rosey Davidson told HuffPost UK.

Part of this is biological. Some research suggests kids with ADHD release melatonin – the hormone that signals it is time to sleep – around 45 minutes later than neurotypical children. As they get older, this can stretch to nearer 90 minutes.

“This means their natural sleepiness signal comes later, which is one of the reasons they may struggle to fall asleep at the same time as other kids,” said Davidson.

But just because a child has ADHD, it doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do to help support them to sleep better.

As Emily Whalley, a holistic sleep and wellbeing coach at Fox and the Moon, told HuffPost UK: “We have to work with our children and their individual needs, not against them.

“And just because a child has ADHD, it doesn’t mean the way sleep works no longer applies to them. Biology doesn’t switch off because of neurodivergence.

“The fundamentals of sleep – i.e. circadian rhythm, sleep pressure and nervous system regulation – still matter. In fact, for many children with ADHD, they matter even more.”

So, sometimes going back to basics can really help.

A consistent bedtime routine is crucial for all – old and young, neurotypical and neurodiverse – as brains like the safety of knowing what is coming next.

“Consistent rituals such as a bath, a story, or calm music, signal it is time to wind down,” says Davidson, who is the founder and CEO of Just Chill Mama.

While the routine is important, it’s also crucial to recognise that you might be starting proceedings a bit too early – so take a step back and reassess the actual time your child goes to bed.

As Whalley asks: “Is the child’s body clock running later? Is bedtime actually mismatched to their natural sleep drive?”

She continues: “If a child simply isn’t tired enough at 8pm, no amount of consequences will fix that, we’re working against physiology.”

Getting outside in natural light is so important during the day, as it helps regulate the internal body clock (“it’s like putting in your order for sleepiness at night,” notes Davidson).

As evening arrives, dimming the lights helps to support melatonin production, making it easier to drift off.

“Many children with ADHD are sensory-seeking and need intentional proprioceptive input, what I often call ‘heavy work’, in the late afternoon or early evening,” says Whalley.

Some examples of this “heavy work” might include:

• Rough and tumble play,
• Pushing and pulling games,
• Carrying shopping,
• Animal walks,
• Resistance exercises
• Deep pressure input.

The sleep expert suggests all of these can help regulate the nervous system before we expect stillness. “Sleep doesn’t begin at lights out, it begins one to two hours earlier, with how we prepare the body and brain,” she notes.

Davidson agrees that providing opportunities for movement, deep pressure, or sensory activities earlier in the day can help kids feel regulated and calmer in the evening.

“Research also shows that children with ADHD who are more physically active tend to fall asleep more easily and sleep better overall, so getting out for exercise, or even movement within the home is helpful,” notes the sleep consultant.

“Yoga is excellent as it helps both the mind and body to wind down.”

Slow, quiet activities like colouring, jigsaws, or listening to an audiobook can all help your child’s mind transition from alert to calm in the hour or so before bed.

“Listening to music or audiobooks can also help the mind switch off racing thoughts,” notes Davidson.

If your child is a bit older, writing down their worries or ideas (journalling) before bed can help offload any thoughts that might keep them awake. If they’re a bit younger, drawing pictures and/or discussing their day could also help.

“Children (and adults) with ADHD often ruminate over their day, and struggle to switch off,” says Davidson.

“This is why techniques around managing thoughts and feelings can be helpful.”

The expert noted that for older children and adults, CBT-i (cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia), which is about changing a person’s thoughts and feelings around sleep, can also be effective.

You’ll probably notice your child comes downstairs multiple times before they eventually fall asleep, which might mean the slim period of downtime you get before your own bedtime is pretty disrupted.

Davidson says for kids who get up repeatedly; gentle, consistent responses work best.

“Consider social stories, roleplaying in the daytime (putting teddies to bed and saying goodnight), and making it [their bedroom] an appealing space,” she said.

“You can also foster ideas around connection – so that they know you will always come back. I like to put up a photo of parents on the wall next to the child’s bed so they have a visual reminder they are always connected.”

Another option to try is a “bedtime pass system”, where your child has one or two “get out of bed” passes each night.

“This gives them a sense of control while still keeping the overall structure and boundaries around sleep,” says the sleep consultant.

“If they do get out of bed, quietly returning them without negotiation is more effective than long explanations or arguments. We can still be loving and responsive but hold the boundary that this is where they sleep.”

Once they do finally settle, Whalley advises considering their sleep quality as children with ADHD are more likely to mouth breathe, snore or experience sleep-disordered breathing, “and fragmented sleep can significantly worsen attention, mood and behaviour during the day”.

“If a child is snoring most nights, breathing through their mouth, grinding their teeth or waking unrefreshed, it’s important this is medically reviewed,” she adds.

“Sometimes what looks like behavioural insomnia is actually poor-quality sleep.”

If your evening downtime is fairly non-existent, you might be left feeling pretty exhausted and like you have absolutely zero chill once you’ve taken your child back up to bed for the sixth time.

Whalley wants you to know you are not failing. Equally, it’s not your child’s fault they are struggling to drift off. “These children are not difficult, they are neurologically wired differently,” says the sleep coach.

But the right adjustments, as well as small biological and sensory tweaks can make “meaningful differences”, she adds. “Progress may not look identical to a neurotypical pathway, but it is absolutely possible.

“ADHD explains sleep challenges, it doesn’t mean they’re untreatable.”

Davidson urges parents to also role model their own healthy behaviours around sleep by talking about how they prioritise it and why, as well as showing their child how they relax and unwind (for example, switching off screens a set amount of time before bed or reading a book).

“Children learn so much by imitation,” she says. “Remember that helping your child sleep is a marathon, not a sprint, and being kind to yourself is just as important as helping them rest.”

Many of us have been there: your child isn’t doing as they’re told, you need to rush them out of the door so you can get to childcare and work on time, and you’re about to boil over.

They’ve launched their shoes in a huff, a sibling has been shoved, whatever it is, you’ve issued those fateful words: “Right, no TV until tomorrow!”

If they’re younger, and they’ve thrown a toy, you might even threaten to take it away for the next few hours.

The words are out – and there’s no going back. You have to see it through. If you’re lucky, your child caves, puts their shoes on, and stomps out of the door.

But how effective is removing toys or taking certain privileges away in teaching children a lesson?

While this kind of punishment can sometimes stop behaviour in the short term, psychotherapist Anna Mathur told HuffPost UK “it rarely teaches children what to do instead”.

Taking toys or privileges away as a punishment isn’t something she’d recommend.

“On its own, it tends to create fear or upset rather than understanding. Children often focus on the loss (‘my toy’s gone’) rather than the learning (‘my behaviour hurt someone’),” she explained.

“So while it might stop behaviour in the moment, it rarely teaches the skills we actually want children to develop, like empathy, emotional regulation, or taking responsibility.”

In her view, the only time removing something makes sense is for safety or logic, not discipline. “For example, if a toy is being thrown, it’s put away because it’s not being used safely. That’s protection, not punishment,” she explained.

Taking things away is “usually more about adult frustration than child learning”, the therapist continued. “As parents, especially when we’re overwhelmed, we can reach for control quickly.”

While this strategy is “understandable” – especially when you’re stressed beyond belief and trying to leave the house – the therapist said “it’s not the most effective long-term approach”.

“What works better is connection first, then teaching: slowing the moment down, helping the child reflect, repairing what happened, and reinforcing positive behaviour,” she explained.

“Children learn best when they feel safe enough to think, not scared enough to comply.”

She suggested a helpful question for parents to ask themselves is: am I trying to punish, or am I trying to teach?

“Children behave better when they feel understood and regulated, not when they feel scared of losing things,” she continued.

“And often ‘poor behaviour’ is actually a sign of overwhelm, tiredness, hunger or big feelings they don’t yet know how to manage. In those moments, what looks like defiance is often dysregulation.”

Her general rule is “connection first, teaching second, consequences third” as “taking something away doesn’t address the root cause”.

The Welsh government advises that parents should also try to give positive consequences for their child’s positive behaviour more often than they give negative consequences for unwanted behaviours.

An example of a positive consequence might be: “Well done for putting all your toys away, now we can read a book together.”

Mathur is a big believer in this, too. “I also encourage parents to focus just as much on catching and reinforcing positive behaviour as correcting negative behaviour,” she added.

“Children repeat what gets attention. Noticing kindness, effort and repair can be far more powerful than only responding when things go wrong.”