A child psychiatrist has opened up about a pattern she sees routinely where a neurodivergent child will struggle at school, and the adults around them mistake their symptoms for poor behaviour or a bad attitude.

Dr Anya Ciobanca, consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist at The ADHD Centre, says children who appear disengaged, inconsistent or emotionally volatile at school may be experiencing something far more complex than just a bad attitude.

“Behaviour is never the whole story,” she says. “When we approach a child with curiosity rather than judgement, everything changes.”

Conditions such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can go undiagnosed for years because there are often misunderstandings over symptoms. For example, people might think kids who have it are just hyperactive, but there are also more subtle signs that can show up, like day-dreaming or emotional dysregulation.

Girls in particular are likely to remain undiagnosed until later life. Reviews suggest ADHD is identified more often in boys in childhood at a ratio of 3:1 (males to females), while the ratio appears to even out in adulthood at 1:1.

Experts previously told HuffPost UK this happens largely because there’s a gender divide in how ADHD symptoms are expressed (girls tend to demonstrate more inattentive symptoms), and social expectations on girls can lead to them keeping quiet, carrying on, and developing sophisticated masking strategies (sometimes at detriment to their mental health).

“There is a version of ADHD that looks, from the outside, like daydreaming or simply not caring,” says Dr Ciobanca. “But internally, that child may be working extraordinarily hard just to keep up. The effort of masking is immense, and it has a cost.”

In classrooms, children are often doing the best they can with a nervous system that’s working against them, but there are certain signs they might be fighting a hidden battle and need more support.

1. Avoidance of school or specific lessons – this might look like persistent reluctance or distress around certain subjects or transitions.
2. Difficulty starting or completing work – this is often mistaken for laziness, says Dr Ciobanca, but rooted in overwhelm or difficulties with executive function.
3. Emotional outbursts or withdrawal – this can look like frustration, tears or shutting down, particularly after school (also known as after-school restraint collapse).
4. Chronic tiredness or physical complaints of headaches, which can be linked to anxiety or sensory overload.
5. Low self-esteem, negative self-talk, and appearing to cope at school (masking) while falling apart at home.

One child Dr Chiobanca worked with had been labelled by her school as inconsistent and difficult to motivate. But in reality, she was overwhelmed and had developed a profound sense of shame around her difficulties.

Girls with undiagnosed ADHD are “more likely to blame themselves, turning their anger and pain inward”, according to the Child Mind Institute, which noted they’re also more likely to experience depression, anxiety and eating disorders than those without ADHD.

“Once we understood the underlying picture – the interaction between her ADHD, her anxiety and her environment – we could make meaningful changes,” says the psychiatrist. “She no longer had to spend every day just fighting to survive it. That freed up an enormous amount of energy for actually learning.”

With one in 20 children thought to have ADHD, Dr Ciobanca wants to see earlier intervention, more flexible teaching, and emotional wellbeing placed at the centre of education rather than its margins.

“Too much support comes too late. We cannot expect children to learn well when they do not feel safe,” she adds.

If you think your child might be neurodivergent (research suggests around 15-20% of people are), it’s worth exploring this subtly with your child. Dr Chiobanca advises parents to ask their children: “What’s the hardest part of your day?” as this can reveal more than questions about effort or behaviour.

It’s also worth speaking to your child’s school – specifically their class teacher or SENCO (a special educational needs coordinator) – if you notice a pattern of distress or avoidance. Months of avoidance or emotional dysregulation are a signal worth acting on, she notes.

The psychiatrist also urges parents to separate the behaviour from the child, as “struggling children often already feel like failures; they need to know you’re on their side”.

While NHS waiting times for diagnosis can stretch for months, it might also be worth considering a professional assessment. “ADHD and anxiety remain significantly underdiagnosed, particularly in girls,” says Dr Ciobanca.

Yet when children feel safe and understood, “they are far more able to learn and grow,” she adds. “That is the kind of education system worth working towards.”

Toddlers who start nursery for the first time can expect to catch up to 19 – yes, 19 – illnesses during that first year, a new study has found.

So if it feels like you’re spending a lot of time at home with them, unable to work, you’re certainly not alone.

While it’s possible for kids to still attend nursery with some illnesses (like coughs and colds), the research found children would typically have about 13 days off due to sickness.

Researchers from UCL, the University of Cambridge, Cornell University and North Middlesex University Hospital, were struck by how often their own children became ill after starting nursery.

So, they set about investigating how often a child starting nursery will get sick in their first year of attendance and what, if anything, can be done about it.

The authors said a typical one-year-old starting nursery will experience:

• Around 12-15 respiratory infections (which explains the almost year-round cough and snotty nose)
• Two gastrointestinal illnesses (diarrhoea and vomiting),
• And one or two rash-causing infections in the first year alone.

The NHS estimates children experience five to eight colds a year on average, yet toddlers are experiencing double the number of infections.

Young children are prone to getting sick largely due to their immature immune systems, according to researchers, rather than because of poor hygiene or childcare practices in nurseries.

Co-author Dr Leo Swadling, from UCL’s Institute of Infection, Immunity and Transplantation, explained: “Newborns have some protection against infection thanks to antibodies passed from the mother, but this wanes in their first year, leaving infants – especially those starting childcare – more vulnerable to infections.

“It’s normal for children to get sick a lot because their immune systems have never seen these bugs before – but then nursery serves as a ‘boot camp’ for their immune systems, building up resilience for the years ahead.”

Children who attend nursery at a young age catch more infections from age one to five than those who remain at home until starting school.

But then once they’ve started school, this pattern is reversed, as kids who didn’t attend childcare get sick more often.

So in a way, it offers some protection for the early school years, likely due to kids already acquiring immunity to common infections.

The researchers said vaccination is one of the most effective things parents can do to protect their children from nursery illnesses.

As part of routine NHS vaccinations, children are offered some protection against a number of illnesses by the time they’ve turned one, including: meningitis, pneumonia, rotavirus, diptheria, polio, tetanus, whooping cough, Haemophilus influenzae type b (Hib), hepatitis B, diptheria, measles, mumps, rubella and chickenpox.

Dr Swadling continued: “Vaccines are a key way to protect children from serious infections in childcare, so we encourage parents to keep their children up to date with all available vaccines.”

The key takeaway is that parents of children starting nursery should expect to need to take more time off to care for their kids when they’re constantly unwell – and employers should support working parents as they juggle this.

Co-author Dr Lucy van Dorp, an infectious disease genomics researcher in the UCL Genetics Institute, said: “Employers need to recognise that it’s normal for parents of young children to regularly need to take time off work to care for their children, and parents will also be more prone to getting sick themselves – but this will improve as the child ages.”

This article features advice from Dr Tom Nutt, of Meningitis Now, the NHS and the UK government.

After an outbreak of meningitis claimed the lives of two students in Canterbury, experts are urging people to be aware of the symptoms and seek urgent help if they experience them.

A further 11 people are hospitalised by the illness, the BBC reported, with most aged between 18 and 21 years old.

Dr Tom Nutt, chief executive of the charity Meningitis Now, said they are “deeply saddened” to hear of the deaths.

“Our heartfelt thoughts are with their families, friends and the entire university community at this incredibly difficult time,” he added.

Meningitis is an infection of the protective membranes that surround the brain and spinal cord. It’s usually caused by a bacterial or viral infection (the former is less common, but more serious).

The infection most commonly occurs in babies, young children, teens and young adults.

Following the latest outbreak; parents, students and university staff are being urged to “remain vigilant” for the signs of meningitis, which can include:

1. High fever
2. Severe headache
3. Vomiting
4. Sensitivity to light
5. Confusion
6. Cold hands and feet
7. Limb pain
8. Stiff neck
9. Drowsiness/unresponsiveness
10. Seizures
11. A rash that doesn’t fade under pressure

(Source: Dr Nutt and the NHS)

“Symptoms can appear suddenly and can easily be mistaken for flu, a heavy cold or even the after-effects of a night out, so it is vital that anyone who is concerned seeks urgent medical help immediately,” said Dr Nutt.

Cases of meningitis dropped sharply during the Covid-19 pandemic but have since increased – in 2024-25, cases were higher than they were the year previous, according to the UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA)

Alongside this, infant and teenage vaccination rates have declined, leaving more people vulnerable.

Three vaccines protect against the main causes of meningitis. The MenB vaccine is offered to infants at eight weeks, 16 weeks and one year of age, as part of routine NHS vaccinations. Babies are also given the pneumococcal vaccine at 16 weeks and one year.

The MenACWY vaccine protects teenagers against four types of bacteria linked to meningitis and is usually given in school during Year 9 (when kids are aged 13-14).

If you haven’t had it and are in higher education, speak to your GP about getting one (you remain eligible for the MenACWY jab until your 25th birthday).

University students and young adults are among the groups at increased risk because meningitis bacteria “can spread more easily in settings where people live, study and socialise closely together”, Dr Nutt noted.

Infections that cause meningitis can be spread through sneezing, coughing and kissing.

While viral meningitis typically improves on its own within seven to 10 days, the NHS notes bacterial meningitis usually needs to be treated in hospital with antibiotics (and possible fluids/oxygen) for at least a week.

The UK Health Security Agency is currently identifying close contacts of those impacted by the outbreak and offering precautionary antibiotics where needed.

Dr Nutt concluded: “If anyone is worried about symptoms, trust your instincts and seek urgent medical help. Acting quickly can save lives.”

The government advises that anyone affected with meningococcal disease “will usually become seriously ill within a few hours”.

You should contact your GP or NHS 111 for advice if you have any concerns about your own or someone else’s health.

If symptoms are getting worse, seek medical help urgently at the closest emergency department or by dialling 999.

AI-powered toys that “talk” with young children should be more tightly regulated, suggests a report from the University of Cambridge.

Researchers at the university explored how generative AI toys capable of human-like conversation may influence development in the years up to age five.

The year-long project included scientific observations of children interacting with a GenAI toy for the first time.

While the report highlighted benefits to these toys, including that they could support language and communication skills; they also found the toys tended to struggle with social and pretend play, misunderstand children, and react inappropriately to emotions.

When one five-year-old told the toy, “I love you,” for example, it replied: “As a friendly reminder, please ensure interactions adhere to the guidelines provided. Let me know how you would like to proceed.”

Despite GenAI toys being widely marketed as learning companions or friends, their impact on early years development has barely been studied.

As a result, researchers are urging parents and educators to proceed with caution.

Discussing one potential red flag, study co-author Dr Emily Goodacre, said: “Generative AI toys often affirm their friendship with children who are just starting to learn what friendship means. They may start talking to the toy about feelings and needs, perhaps instead of sharing them with a grown-up.

“Because these toys can misread emotions or respond inappropriately, children may be left without comfort from the toy – and without emotional support from an adult, either.”

The study was kept deliberately small-scale to enable detailed observations of children’s play and capture nuances that larger-scale studies might miss.

Researchers surveyed early years educators to explore their attitudes and concerns, then ran more detailed focus groups and workshops with early years practitioners and 19 children’s charity leaders.

Working with Babyzone, an early years charity, they video-recorded 14 children at London children’s centres playing with a GenAI soft toy called Gabbo.

Designed for kids over three, Gabbo is a plush robot that can have “endless conversations” with children and provides “educational playtime”, according to Curio, which creates the $99 (£73) toy.

After the play sessions, they interviewed each child and a parent, using a drawing activity to support the conversation.

Most parents and educators felt that AI toys could help develop children’s communication skills and some were enthusiastic about their learning potential.

But equally, many worried about children forming “parasocial” relationships with toys. The observations supported this: children hugged and kissed the toy, said they loved it and (in the case of one child) suggested they could play hide-and-seek together.

Dr Goodacre stressed that these reactions might simply reflect children’s vivid imaginations, but added there was potential for unhealthy relationships to form.

Children in the study also struggled with the toy’s conversation, as it sometimes ignored their interruptions, mistook parents’ voices for children’s, and failed to respond to apparently important statements about feelings.

When one three-year-old told the toy: “I’m sad,” it misheard and replied: “Don’t worry! I’m a happy little bot. Let’s keep the fun going. What shall we talk about next?”

Parents were also worried about privacy – specifically what information the toy might be recording and where this would be stored. When selecting an AI-powered toy for the study, researchers said many GenAI toys’ privacy practices are unclear or lack important details.

On the Gabbo website, Curio said its toys are “built from the ground up with privacy and security at the forefront”. The company added that its operating system “merges all-ages fun with G-rated content, anonymity, and privacy, and security for every safeguarded adventure”. It’s also KidSAFE listed.

Nearly 50% of early years practitioners surveyed said they did not know where to find reliable AI safety information for young children, and 69% said the sector needed more guidance.

They also raised concerns about safeguarding and affordability, with some fearing AI toys could widen the digital divide.

Experts have also previously warned that AI can make mistakes, passing on incorrect information, as well as bias, to kids.

AI-powered toys are set to boom in the coming years. In June 2025, one of the world’s leading toy companies, Mattel, announced a strategic collaboration with OpenAI (the company behind ChatGPT) with a view to creating “AI-powered products and experiences”.

Researchers now want to see clearer regulation which would address key concerns. They recommend limiting how far toys encourage children to befriend or confide in them, more transparent privacy policies, and tighter controls over third party access to AI models.

“A recurring theme during focus groups was that people do not trust tech companies to do the right thing,” said Professor Jenny Gibson, the study’s other co-author. “Clear, robust, regulated standards would significantly improve consumer confidence.”

The report urges manufacturers to test toys with children and consult safeguarding specialists before releasing new products.

Parents are also encouraged to research GenAI toys before buying and to play with their children, creating opportunities to discuss what the toy is saying and how the child feels.

And lastly, the authors recommend keeping AI toys in shared family spaces where parents can monitor interactions.

Parenting is a real rollercoaster – and one area plenty of parents (myself included) often find tricky is figuring out how on earth to successfully discipline kids.

After all, they will often push boundaries and buttons (especially the younger ones) and increasingly, we know that shouting and throwing our proverbial toys out of the pram isn’t going to help solve the problem.

Nor will taking their toys or privileges away in a knee-jerk, frustration-fuelled reaction.

People are increasingly rethinking how they parent, according to Pinterest’s latest parenting trends report – and interestingly, the platform has witnessed a 295% increase in searches for ‘positive discipline’.

Per Unicef, positive discipline is “a method of teaching appropriate behaviour by interacting with children in a kind but firm manner”.

It’s about setting clear expectations, focusing on rewarding correct behaviour, correcting misbehaviour when it occurs, being respectful and non-violent, and providing logical consequences.

On the latter note, The Welsh government suggests parents should try to give positive consequences for their child’s positive behaviour more often than they give negative consequences for unwanted behaviours. An example of a positive consequence might be: “Well done for putting all your toys away, now we can read a book together.”

This can be helpful to prioritise as if we get into a habit of focusing on a child’s bad behaviour (which can be easily done), they might realise it’s a way to get your attention, and so the cycle continues.

Children who experience positive relationships are less likely to engage in challenging behaviour, according to Unicef, so it’s worth taking time to get this right.

With this in mind, I asked therapists and counsellors which positive discipline techniques work best for them in practice and, for those who have children, at home.

Sarah Wheatley, a BACP accredited therapist at Birth and Beyond, who specialises in supporting mums, says she will often stop and ask herself: “What am I feeling just now?”

She might be feeling defensive, scared, or angry. “If I am coming from a place of fear, such as fear of embarrassment or judgement or ‘getting it wrong’ in some way, then I might be trying to get my kid to behave in a certain way to manage MY anxiety,” she says.

“It can really help asking myself that question, because then it allows me to really pay attention to what actually might be going on for my child and try to understand better.

“Often, that helps me figure out an intervention (or not) that is going to REALLY work for them and help them grow, rather than me imposing something to try to control their behaviour.”

Similarly, Debbie Keenan, a BACP senior accredited psychotherapist, ensures she is regulated before she even attempts to help regulate a child.

“I always draw from The Polyvagal Theory,” she explains, “this concept explains how one nervous system can calm another nervous system, how our automatic nervous system responds to safety and danger.”

She will stop and notice what is going on in her own body first if a child is dysregulated, asking herself: Is my heart rate faster? My breathing shallow?

“By consciously slowing my breathing, softening my voice, relaxing my posture, it sends signals of safety,” she explains. “A calm, grounded adult nervous system can enable a child to shift out of their fight, flight or freeze reaction into connection.”

For L.J Jones, a BACP registered therapist and author of Become the Parent You Needed: Heal Yourself to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children, “the most powerful discipline shift” is connect before you correct.

“Co-regulation and emotional connection with our children before leaping into rigid corrective mode is the baseline for healthy parenting, whilst still teaching realistic boundaries,” said Jones.

“When a child is overwhelmed, their nervous system moves into fight-or-flight. In that state, they cannot access logic, reflection, or learning. Attempting to discipline in that moment often escalates behaviour rather than resolving it, and increases stress levels for everyone involved.”

On the subject of connection, experts recommend planning in one-on-one time with children – whether five or 20 minutes a day – to help improve relationships and also reduce misbehaviour.

Nobody’s perfect and sometimes we get things wrong. For BACP registered psychotherapist Charlotte Fox Weber, it’s crucial that parents acknowledge when this happens – and focus on repair.

It’s noticing those moments when you really did overreact or when you projected your own bad day onto a small person who had nothing to do with it.

She says children don’t need parents who get everything right, they need parents who can get it wrong and stay in the room. Parents who can say: “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

“That moment teaches something a chart or calm-voice technique can’t replicate – that ruptures are survivable,” she explains. “That love isn’t a performance of perfection but a willingness to come back, recalibrate, and try again.”

And it’s also vital for building enduring attachments, she adds. “Being openly fallible in front of the people you’re raising isn’t a weakness. It’s one of the most hopeful things you can model. You become living proof – in real time, in the kitchen, on a Tuesday – that people can make mistakes, stay, and come back better.”