Dear Eric: My husband and I are in our early 70s. We’re both in good health. We have one child who is an adult and lives independently but close by.

My husband and I enjoy marijuana now that it has been legalized in our state. Between the two of us, we smoke one joint after 7 p.m. about four days a week. We also enjoy it on special occasions like holidays and birthdays.

Lately, when our adult child has been over to visit and we step away to share a joint, they’ll comment “I thought you only smoked on these days” or something to that extent. I feel like they’re keeping tabs on us, or even judging us by saying, “OK” in a disapproving way.

We are never in a “far out” state of mind after we smoke (or eat edibles). It relaxes us to enjoy music, watch a funny movie or program until we get tired and go to bed. If we had to go somewhere in an emergency, we would Uber it. Our adult child is aware of this.

I’d like to mention that up to a year ago, this adult child smoked marijuana with us at times. They had some health issues that have since been taken care of. They’re not anti-marijuana but seem to be focusing on our use. It makes me uneasy in my own home when this happens. Sometimes we have to “sneak” it in while they’re visiting to avoid any questions/comments.

When these comments start coming, I want to tell this adult child that it’s none of their business what we do in our home. I feel policed and judged by them. I also feel like I don’t have to explain anything. Any advice?

— Senior High

Dear High: Bring it up to your child in a neutral manner and ask your adult child to have a discussion with you about it. Start by saying something like, “I’ve noticed that when we smoke, you often comment.” Then explain how you feel when that happens and ask them if you’re reading the situation in the way they’re intending. Something like, “when that happens, it makes me wonder if you think we’re using marijuana too much. Do you?”

The goal of the conversation is to get and give more information. Maybe your child’s response is more about their own journey, and they don’t realize how they’re coming off. Or maybe they do have concerns. If the latter turns out to be the case, it’s better for both of you that those concerns are verbalized. It’s up to you whether you agree with those concerns and whether you decide to make a change. But by opening the door to a conversation about what’s being said, you free both yourself and your child from interior narratives that can cause resentments.

Dear Eric: My 80-year-old sister lives alone after her husband passed away a long time ago and has no children. She lies so much that it’s upsetting.

She lies to everyone around her about her previous job and even her education. She even tells the senior center that her children live out of state.

She used to be a poet and published two books, but she lied about her education in the author bios.

I’ve repeatedly told her that lying is wrong, but she refuses to listen to my advice. It’s sad that I can’t respect her like this, but sometimes I even hate her. What should I do as her sister? I want to be honest with everyone around me about my sister, but I also have to consider her pride.

— Upset Younger Sister

Dear Sister: Lying this much indicates that there’s something deeper going on. Perhaps it’s psychological, perhaps it’s emotional. Perhaps she’s trying to cope with grief or disappointment or shame. It’s not for me to diagnose.

Dear Eric: I have been a preschool teacher for more than 20 years. There are a few times throughout the year where the kids and their parents give us gifts, which of course is optional. Those occasions are Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Teacher Appreciation Week and Graduation.

I have never asked for, nor do I expect to receive gifts from the families, but am always thankful when I receive them, and I express my appreciation and gratitude for their gift.

It doesn’t happen often, but it does feel good when the families appreciate all of our hard work.

My boyfriend thinks I should be humble and modest and tell the kids and their families that I don’t want their gifts and to give it to someone else who needs them. He feels that handmade gifts are better. While I do agree that I don’t do this for the gifts, I disagree with me telling the families and especially the 3- and 4-year-old children that I do not want their gifts, especially when they are so excited to give them to me because they bought or picked it out themselves.

I feel like part of the joy is in the giving, and seeing my reaction to their thoughtful gift, and I refuse to crush the giving spirit that their families are trying to instill in their children. I’m not sure how much more humble and modest I can be.

Am I in the wrong for accepting gifts?

— Gifted Educator

Dear Gifted: Not guilty! (Bangs gigantic imaginary gavel!) Your boyfriend is putting too much thought into something that doesn’t really concern him. I don’t have to tell you how hard teachers work or how important you are to the healthy development of the children you teach. If some of the parents want to express their gratitude for the (hopefully well-paid, but usually not well-paid-enough) work you do, let them!

Gift-giving is a form of communication, and it can be quite good for children to learn one way of expressing thanks. It doesn’t sound like you’re making a huge deal out of it or creating a situation where students without gifts would feel ashamed. It sounds like this is something between you, the individual kids, and their respective parents.

Sure, handmade gifts are nice, too. But it strikes me as a bit ungrateful, and perhaps controlling, to demand that parents supervise another craft project rather than buying you a gift card. How they show their thanks is up to them.

If you, in turn, want to pass the gift on to someone else who needs it, that’s your prerogative. But I don’t think you need to protest more to the parents. Sometimes, when people want to say, “thank you,” the best response is “you’re welcome.”

Dear Eric: I have been in a wonderful, committed relationship for nine years but we do not live together. We are both advanced seniors whose families got along and were pleased that we were together.

The day before Thanksgiving his daughter, out of the blue, verbally attacked me over something insignificant. Her rant lasted 10 minutes while my boyfriend just sat there and said nothing.

I was totally surprised by her attack but even more so that he didn’t step in and say something to stop it. Her husband, on the other hand, interjected several times on her behalf.

I have been there for him for numerous hospital stays, Covid, joint replacements and the flu while his daughter only came once for two hours during his last hospital stay. I am disappointed, hurt and angry at both of them. On one hand I want to get past this but then do I really want to be in a situation where my man doesn’t stand up for me?

Dear Eric: My mother is in her last months of life. She has been cared for in her home for the last three years by increasingly expensive home health care workers. I and other siblings have suggested over and over that she be put in a care home for round-the-clock care, but our oldest sibling (we’ll call them Jimmy) has steadfastly refused, saying nursing homes let people die and neglect patients and cause massive bedsores and all sorts of terrible over-the-top excuses.

Well, now that Jimmy’s own mother-in-law is going into a nursing home Jimmy has decided it’s time for our mother to go as well.

We have had family meetings where we decide as a sibling group how to care for our mother and then Jimmy goes against the group decision. Prior to the conflict over our mother’s care, I had a good, albeit not close, relationship with this sibling, but now I’m so frustrated by the selfish choices made regarding our mother’s care that I’m ready to say goodbye forever once mom is buried.

Should I let years of bullying in regard to caring for our mother be the cause to cut off contact with Jimmy?

— Frustrated Little Sister

Dear Sister: It’s really unfortunate that Jimmy is dealing with the stress, confusion, and grief of this phase of life by refusing to collaborate and resorting to, as you write, bullying behavior. Perhaps in his mind, he’s the one keeping the ship right. Perhaps he’s grasping after a version of life that’s no longer possible. I have empathy for him and for you, but the fact is that no matter his intentions, he’s caused harm in your relationship and that needs repair.

Don’t cut him off but do have a conversation with him about the way you’ve interacted in the past. There’s no need to rehash old conflicts, but it’s fine to say something like “I didn’t like being in conflict about mom’s care. I want us to have a different relationship going forward. How can we do that?”

Dear Eric: My husband and I moved to a new city last year and were eager to make friends. We became close to another couple, “Susan and Mike,” rather quickly and saw them often. I realized after several months however that, while I enjoyed Susan’s company, Mike is not someone I am comfortable with.

He is a heavy drinker and makes sexist and racist comments that leave me cringing. I’ve reached out to Susan several times to suggest the two of us do things solo, but unfortunately, they are quite joined at the hip.

She’s reached out a number of times over the past couple of months to ask about our next get together, and each time I pretended we had conflicts but didn’t suggest alternative dates. She reached out again today and I feel bad.

I can’t keep avoiding them, but I am not sure how to best put some distance between us without creating ill will. I feel that honestly isn’t the best policy here, but maybe I am just trying to avoid the inevitable.

— Uncoupling the Couple