Dear Eric: I have a friend that I generally enjoy spending time with, however she feels the need to constantly put into the conversation how great she is. I call it “Tooting Your Own Horn.” She can be very dramatic in general; I usually just don’t engage with those comments, because giving it air would be validating her grandiose ideas of her own self-worth.

The thing is, she’s not a bad person, and will definitely be there if you need her, but this constant self-promotion is very off-putting. Calling her out directly would make her angry and defensive, because she is, after all, the best.

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this type of behavior? Avoiding her isn’t an option.

— Tired of It

Dear Tired: You wrote that you generally ignore her grandiose statements and that might continue to be the best course of action if you enjoy your friend’s other aspects and don’t want to talk to her about it. You might also reframe these statements in your mind. It’s quite possible that she feels the need to toot her own horn because of some deeper insecurity. Maybe she feels she needs to call herself great because she secretly believes she isn’t.

Or maybe she’s just conceited. Or has high self-confidence. Whatever the reason, one tactic is to remind yourself, “this is something she needs to do; it doesn’t have any bearing on me.” It won’t completely prevent it from being annoying, but it may lessen its impact on your relationship.

Another option is to approach this habit with curiosity. The next time she toots her own horn, you can ask about it instead of ignoring it. “I’ve noticed you make comments about that a lot. Have you noticed that, too? Can you tell me what it’s about?”

Dear Eric: I’m a 54-year-old divorced dad. I was dating a woman for just over six months. In a lot of ways, it was the healthiest relationship I’ve had in a long time. We had strong alignment on the “big things” (values, lifestyle, interests, chemistry, kindness). We supported each other through real-life stuff, and I genuinely felt we were building something solid.

Then it ended very suddenly.

On a Tuesday morning, she texted that she was “having doubts” and that things had been “building up.” We talked the next morning and she said, “the little things became bigger than the big things.” She listed several specific issues — my house (decor/cleanliness), my sense of humor (I’m playful; she’s more serious), worries about travel because I have teenage boys, and concerns about finances/retirement stability.

What I’m struggling with isn’t that she had concerns. It’s that I didn’t know they had grown into deal-breakers, and there was no “work on it together” phase. It felt like she quietly decided, then delivered the verdict. When we met one last time, she was worried I’d try to convince her; I told her I wasn’t. I just wanted to be heard and to understand. It still felt final and shut down.

Here’s where I’m stuck: I still care about her. I’m also hurt and honestly shocked at how quickly she cut it off given how good it felt overall.

Is there any healthy reason to reach out again, or is the kindest thing (to both of us) to let it be? How do you get closure when someone ends a relationship quickly and you never really get to talk through it?

— Sleepless in Louisville

Dear Sleepless: This is a really tough way to be broken up with. It often feels quite unfair. However, the issue that makes this breakup sudden and painful is the same issue that can lead to unhappiness in on-going relationships: an inability on the part of one or both people to communicate with openness and vulnerability.

So, without a track record or playbook for clear communication, I worry that any further contact is going to just hurt you more, rather than give you the closure you seek. Closure is, itself, a form of communication.

Dear Eric: I’m 35 years old with a dad who is 67. We talk frequently about business, sports and politics. We talk just by ourselves and as a group with my wife and mother.

The issue is that my dad asks me questions that are simple to look up online. They very often do not relate to the conversation and are silly.

I have brought up my issue with him doing this before and his response is “it gives us something to talk about” and that there would be nothing to talk about if we lived by the motto “don’t ask it if you can find the answer on Google.”

He has the newest iPhone and knows how to use it well. When he asks me questions, if I don’t know the answer, I google it and share, but I get frustrated. After one or two times I get short and want to end the conversation quickly. Any advice to make our conversations more stress free is much appreciated.

— Not Google

Dear Not Google: Flawed though his methods may seem, I think your dad’s heart is in the right place and I’d encourage you to think about it in a different way. Though you have a good conversational relationship, there’s still clearly something in him that feels the need to add more material to keep the conversation going. Maybe it’s something that’s really lacking in your talks, maybe it comes from an insecurity that he has. It’s not for me to say. But try to think of these questions as offerings. He wants to engage with you, and that’s a gift.

Now, not all gifts are what we want, exactly. See if you can find some interest in the search for answers. Try asking him questions about the results or ask him to find it and inform you instead. There’s also something to be said for a long deep dive into Wikipedia. A simple question like “Who was Princess Grace of Monaco married to?” can lead to all manner of other factoids and curiosities. So, maybe the next time he asks, give him the simple answer and follow-up with some trivia that fascinates you.

Most importantly, however, every time you find yourself getting annoyed, see if you can reframe the request in your mind. It may help if you think of every benign question as a way of your father saying, “I like talking to you and I want to keep doing it.”

Dear Eric: My 98-year-old father is living with dementia. Because it isn’t advanced, he is painfully aware that his memory is failing him. He often recounts things — past and present — that aren’t true. Following advice from the Alzheimer’s Association, our immediate family practices “therapeutic fibbing”: we accept whatever he says as fact to preserve his dignity.

It’s a difficult tightrope to walk, but the hardest part isn’t the caregiving — it’s the silence. Several of Dad’s lifelong friends have stopped calling. I think they feel uncomfortable with the conversations, which, in all honesty, are not always easy. He misses them and has begun to worry he did something wrong to drive them away.

My gut tells me to call these friends and give them a piece of my mind. I’d rather they skip his eventual funeral and just give him five minutes of their time now. Since “shaming” them probably isn’t the best strategy, how can I encourage these old friends to re-engage with a man who needs them now more than ever?

I am hopeful that my Dad’s friends, or others, read this column as a wakeup call to reach out to those who may be suffering in similar situations

Dear Eric: My husband has two sisters. One sister’s adult son and daughter have always been mean to me. It started when the niece and my son by my first marriage dated about five times. She talks negatively about everyone and everything.

He also told me he did not want to cause any family problems, but he also did not want to date her. I told him, do what you need to do as far as dating.

Now 20 years later, she and her brother are still rude and condescending toward me.

The last time I saw them at a funeral, I invited the nephew to come and visit. He replied, “it will never happen.” It hurts.

I have spoken to my husband about their behavior. He just says we will have nothing to do with them. His sister, their mother, has passed but now we will be seeing them at a family funeral. I dread going. I would rather stay home.

My husband insists I go. It’s a four-hour drive. Should I ask them to walk outside and try to find out why they are so mean? Or should I keep ignoring them? I only see them every couple of years.

— Talked About Aunt

Dear Aunt: If you choose to go to the funeral to support your husband, you don’t have to engage with the adult children who have been unkind to you. It takes a lot of energy for them to hold such a deep grudge over a failed relationship (if one can call five dates that). That’s clearly an engine that is going to run whether you put gas in it or not.

At this point, it’s probably wise to chalk this up to a “them problem.” I know it hurts to be condescended to, but I think you’ll be setting yourself up for more hurt by trying to push a conversation, especially since they have so far resisted having one.

Since you don’t have to see them very much outside of this funeral, try as best you can to put them and this relationship out of your mind. Some people just don’t mix, and, from your telling, you have nothing to make amends for. Best to just say, “I’m sorry for your loss” and then go be with people who respect you — your husband, his second sister, and others.

Dear Eric: I have been best friends with “Vera” for more than 35 years. She was a great support when I went through a divorce in my late 30s and always was insightful. Throughout our friendship she was always trying to “help” everyone and in the majority of cases it was unsolicited and unwanted.

Over the years, I have watched her friends distance themselves by severely limiting how often they interact with Vera. Several of her siblings are a mess and she has always bailed them out.

I am now almost 68 years old and Vera has worn me out. I found that if I speak with her more often than every five to six weeks, she cannot control herself and offers unsolicited advice and suggestions.

I have to mentally prepare myself prior to calling. I no longer share personal information because she wants to dissect and insert herself. I have very clearly told her to back off with the advice. She thinks I am angry. I’ve explained I am very annoyed that she cannot or will not respect that I don’t need “fixing”.

In spite of me clearly and repeatedly telling her if I would like her advice, I will ask but would just prefer an “ear”.

I’m at the point where I am seriously considering letting this friendship fade away. What to do?

Dear Eric: Our son, who is in college, began losing his hair in high school. It could be genetic, but this does not run in the family. Although he is skinny, he eats terribly. He fills up on junk food, juice and soda. Sometimes he eats nothing.

When he lived at home, I could influence at least some of what he ate, but he always denied there was anything wrong. His pediatrician (male, for what it’s worth) always dismissed my concerns. I helped him find a new doctor when he turned 18 but now that he’s an adult, there is even less I can do.

We know that he is unhappy with how he looks. My husband has tried to talk to him gently about speaking with his doctor specifically about his hair and its connection to his diet and potentially an underlying health problem. On a side note, our son has occasionally seen a counselor at school about unrelated issues, when we suggested it, so he does not always reject our advice out of hand, like he does with this.

If he liked the way he looks, and if it were totally clear that this isn’t a health issue, we would leave it alone. But given the circumstances, do we need to leave it alone anyway?

— Concerned Mother

Dear Mother: Right now, the most supportive thing you can do for your son is continuing to listen to him and provide help when asked for. He’s on a journey with his body — as we all are. And while there are a variety of hair treatments available and many different resources for getting help with one’s diet, he has to learn to be proactive about them if he wants something to change. While it’s hard for parents to watch their children feel around in the dark, this kind of independent decision-making is an important part of development.

Lead with curiosity instead of concern as much as possible here. You can ask him about his feelings about himself or his eating habits but try to focus more on asking him about who he is, what he wants and what’s going on in his life. As he spreads his wings in college, it will help him to understand how an adult solves a problem. That problem could be as complex as addressing hair loss with a professional, or as simple as “how do I make dinner for myself?”

Dear Eric: I was surprised by your response to “Not the Girlfriend” who wanted the man she described as her boyfriend to, in words, ask her to be his girlfriend (assuming that represents exclusivity). They’ve been dating for six weeks, and he has told her he loves her.

I’m quite old, but don’t think I’m so old-fashioned in thinking that six weeks into a relationship is a bit too soon to be trying to nail things down. She didn’t mention how often they see each other but at six weeks you’re really just getting to know someone. Good relationships take time. And she’s already frustrated by the situation. I know there have been successful relationships that worked right from the get-go, but they’re rare.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know a dating partner’s level of interest/seriousness. But I wonder what her rush is.

Maybe the guy thinks of her as his girlfriend without explicitly saying so. After all, he’s already said he loves her.

By the way, at six weeks, even sooner, you can certainly feel “in love” but at that stage you’re filling in the aspects that you still don’t know about your love interest with qualities you imagine are true.

— Reader

Dear Reader: I’m very grateful for this letter. It made me think about the original letter in a new way — and, not for nothing, made me ruminate for a while on the nature of love, which is always a very nice way to spend one’s time. I agree with you.

Dear Eric: I’m 65 and have been retired for the past two years. To stay active, I went to work as a personal driver for a very wealthy man. I’m salaried, so when he travels (on average one week a month) I still get paid. It’s really not about the money; I enjoy the position.

What I don’t like is getting the schedule on Friday (for my personal planning purposes). Often the schedule drastically changes usually with little notice, sometimes the same day.

I have had several conversations with him about being more transparent, so I may plan my time off. Several times I changed plans to accommodate him.

I asked him to please update the schedule as soon as he makes plans. His response is for me to inform his assistant. I spoke to his assistant who told me she updates the calendar immediately and then it’s added to my calendar, which may take a day or two.

I asked him to send the updates directly to me since I’m the one who is responsible for driving him. His response was “I don’t know how to add to the driving calendar.”

I told him to text me the information and I’ll add it to the calendar. He said he would, but he says a lot of stuff and never follows through. What can you add to assist in this issue?

— Driver Being Driven Nuts

Dear Driver: One option is to ask his assistant to give you access to the main calendar that updates immediately, so that you can make plans more quickly. I’m not sure whether this is feasible — perhaps he has things on there that he doesn’t need you to see. But it can’t hurt to ask her.

Because he has a driver and an assistant — and probably other staff — it sounds like he wants to offload a lot of the logistics of his life. So, asking him to do more communicating about something he purposefully doesn’t want to be involved in may be a nonstarter for him.

If you can’t get access to the main calendar, you may have to decide whether this is still a job that works for your life. It may be that you want more control over your own schedule and this isn’t a job that allows for that. It’s fine to say this was a great opportunity that you enjoyed for a time, but now you want your time back.

Dear Eric: My husband and I are in the same situation as “Left at Home,” who struggled with envy about her husband’s work trips.

My husband has a job he dislikes, but it is his own business, and he can’t leave it until he retires. I travel occasionally for work. When I travel, I stay at nicer hotels, eat at nicer restaurants and sometimes do interesting things, but I’d rather not travel for work anymore.

To my husband, my travel is exciting and he feels envious. Left at Home said that her husband tells her he doesn’t want to go on the trips anymore but then tells her about all the good food and fun things that were planned for them. She thinks he is disingenuous and feels like the trips and experiences are distancing her from him.

I believe her husband. I don’t like traveling anymore. I face long flight delays and cancellations. Getting up at 3 a.m. to make a flight. Spending nights alone in hotels, missing my husband and my family. Long drives in unfamiliar places often late at night because my flight was delayed. Long meaningless meetings.

Yes, I come home and tell him that I had an interesting site visit, or that I ate some wonderful food at a unique restaurant, but I do that because I want to share my experiences with the person I love. I also share the bad experiences, but he also thinks I’m being disingenuous. Believe me, I’m not. I’d rather not travel anymore. It isn’t glamorous and exciting.

I hope she gives him the benefit of the doubt and stops giving him a hard time. If he needs the job and the job comes with travel, then she should accept it gracefully and find other things to do, as you recommended.

Dear Eric: My 26-year-old grandson has never held a job. Three years ago, he earned a master’s degree. Despite his achievement, he engages in all-night computer gaming, sleeps during the day and lacks motivation to seek employment.

His father is out of the picture, and his mother, my daughter, maintains him in every way. She loves him and seems hesitant to address the situation directly.

While she works and manages the household, I occasionally assist, which I don’t mind doing. However, I feel that my assistance inadvertently reinforces his destructive behavior. I would appreciate any suggestions on how to help this individual break free from his detrimental routine.

— Concerned Grandfather

Dear Grandfather: You have the opportunity, as someone who is a helpful, consistent presence, to have a frank conversation with your grandson. I’d encourage you to take it. You can ask, “What is your plan for employment? Are there obstacles standing in your way? Would you like some advice? Are there specific areas in which you’d like my help?” And then listen to his answers. They’ll be very telling, one way or another.

He may tell you he’s looked and he can’t find anything. He may say that it was different for you when you were his age, and you don’t understand what he’s facing. It surely was different, but we all have the privilege of and the obligation to live in reality.

Go into this conversation with curiosity rather than demands, knowing that his expectations may not match your expectations. He will trust you more as a coach, mentor and resource if you listen to what his goals for himself are and help him chart a path toward achieving those goals.

Similarly, you might ask your daughter if she’s open to opinions about her son. It does sound like this is an enabling situation. But removing the enabling without identifying a goal is just going to cause conflict.

The three of you are all adults who are capable of making your own decisions. Sometimes we have to let our loved ones make a choice that doesn’t benefit them — this goes for your daughter and your grandson. However, you can have the most impact by working with her and with him to set new goals for employment and engagement in the house’s affairs and then holding him to them.

Dear Eric: I am a mother of two adult men. One of which is doing great and is living the single life. The other one is also doing good. He has his own business. My issue is that my son with his own business was engaged and they both decided to call it off.

Now I can’t seem to be happy when I hear about others who are getting married or even having children, whether it be family or people in general I don’t even know.

Looks like both sons are set in their lives and I fear I will not have the joy of being an in-law or grandparent. I guess what I’m asking is for some advice to help me move on. I know you’re probably going to suggest therapy, which I don’t want.

— Unhappy

Dear Unhappy: It is always a little bit of a challenge when people write, “don’t tell me to go to therapy,” because I’m like, “well… but that’s the answer.” However, I can respect your request and give you some other options.

First, is acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean “liking” or “wanting” or even “not being mad about.” Acceptance is you saying, “this is what is right now.” That right now is crucial because your wants could change, your sons’ romantic lives could change, anything could change. So, it’s important to say “I don’t have what I want right now” because it helps prevent you from spiraling out into forever.

Dear Eric: I’m an African American man in my late 60s. Nobody would call me the most religious guy on the planet, but the center aisle in the church would not open up and swallow me if I walked in.

I have a white friend, proud of his Jewish heritage, who I have known since we were kids. He spends as much time in the synagogue as I spend in the church (i.e., not much), but he is always holding up his religion as his badge of honor.

Admittedly, as a somewhat non-practitioner, I don’t keep up with the Jewish holidays. He calls me all the time saying “hey, aren’t you going to wish me Happy Chanukah, or happy Rosh Hashanah?”

Tonight, he sent me pictures of some religious celebration. I did a modest perusal in AI but could not find a Jewish holiday that is being celebrated tonight. How do I get my old friend to take a chill pill?

— Not Religious

Dear Not Religious: It sounds like he’s trying to share part of his culture with you. Some Jewish people don’t practice or consider themselves particularly observant but have deep connections to the cultural traditions and history of Judaism. This is very important, as with any other cultural tradition — racial, ethnic, or religious.

So, when he says, “wish me a Happy Chanukah,” he may be saying, “this is a big part of who I am, and it would be meaningful for you to see it and acknowledge it.” Maybe next time consider asking him “what do you do for Chanukah/Purim/et cetera? Tell me what it means to you.” You can also just say, “Happy Chanukkah” and leave it at that.

For holidays you don’t recognize, it’s fine to ask, “what holiday is this?” The internet is also a good resource. I don’t recommend using AI for any information gathering, but there are sites written by humans, like Judaism 101 (jewfaq.org/jewish_holidays), that list major holidays and provide explanations of their importance, if you’re curious.

Dear Eric: My husband and I have enjoyed hosting parties in our home for years. There are some guests that like to bring a bouquet of flowers to thank us. It is a very kind gesture, but to be honest, it’s an inconvenience to deal with flowers while greeting other folks and finishing up last-minute preparations for the gathering.

As alternatives, a small potted plant or flowers in a jar would be another way to thank the hosts without creating extra work.

Of course, we always show appreciation to our guests that bring us bouquets, but would it be rude to give them a vase and scissors and ask them if they could please arrange the flowers? Your thoughts?

— Lover of Flowers and Friends

Dear Flowers and Friends: I don’t think it’s rude at all. Some guests love to be given something to do while the hosts finish preparing dinner. If you can set them up with what they need and they won’t be in your way in the kitchen, hand over a vase without hesitation.

Dear Eric: I’m a retired therapist who specialized in ADHD, with adults and families and couples. I am also ADHD. I wanted to write about a letter from “Tired,” whose friend was recently diagnosed with ADHD and has started using it as an excuse for a new habit of lateness, among other things.

The diagnosis, while in some ways freeing, is an explanation, not an excuse. Most of my ADHD clients worked really hard to learn coping techniques to help them get through their life and work.

There are many behaviors that can be successfully managed. (Timers on our phones work wonders.) This “friend” of Tired’s needs some accountability for her behaviors, and when she received the diagnosis, should have been given some guidance about symptom management.

Dr. Daniel Amen has written several excellent books on ADHD, including tips for families with both children and adults with ADHD.

Dear Eric: During our morning walks, my husband and I became acquainted with “Ron,” a homeless man who always sits on the same bench and always has a cheery hello. During the holiday season, we decided to gift him a box of homemade cookies and a Christmas card with $200 in cash slipped inside. I’ve imagined him treating himself to a decent dinner or buying something nice. We knew nothing about Ron, except that he seemed sweet and sober and appreciated our little gifts.

Recently, from several reliable sources, we’ve discovered that Ron has been sending money, including his VA checks, to a woman in China in the hope of getting her to come to America and marry him. People have repeatedly tried to tell him that this is an internet scam, but he refuses to listen.

I find it upsetting that our money is being handed directly over to a scammer somewhere. My inclination next holiday is to continue to hand him the cookies and the card but not the cash. I figure it’s just $200 less for some heartless con artist to steal.

My husband, however, objects. He says it’s none of our business how Ron spends his money. If this gives Ron purpose or pleasure, then who are we to interfere? Our reward should be in the giving and nothing else. My compromise is to give Ron a gift certificate, perhaps to a grocery store, but my husband feels that even this safeguard is too judgmental. What is your opinion?

— The Christmas Judge

Dear Judge: We don’t get to choose how other people make use of our gifts, especially strangers. Since you don’t have a relationship with Ron beyond these very generous gifts, you’re not in a position to safeguard him. I’m not wagging my finger, but it’s notable that you know nothing about him and you heard about the supposed scam from others, not from Ron. He’s not shared this part of his life with you.

What you might do is ask him, “what do you need?” or “is there someplace from which you’d like a gift card?” This way, you can be more confident that you’re meeting him where he is without trying to police his spending.

Dear Eric: I have a friend who is driving me and other friends to the brink with her persistent negativity. This has been going on for years but is much worse lately.

We are all retired, and this friend is substantially better off financially than the rest of us. Despite this, everything is a litany of “poor me” and nonstop negativity. No one else has suffered grievous losses as she has (we have). No one else is as burdened with problems as she is (we have our own issues, and deal with them). No one experiences as much pain, suffering, loss, misfortune or tragedy as she does.

Literally every conversation ends up being her listing a multitude of problems, all featuring her as the victim. When we try to gently point out that they are financially secure, or have many blessings to be grateful for, it’s just a doorway to yet more complaining, whining and “poor me.”

It’s clear she’s depressed, and it’s also clear that the medications and counseling she’s receiving are not helping. We’ve tried patience, listening, kind boundary-holding on topics, and redirection.

It’s to the point where some friends have stepped way back from the relationship, and where several of us are questioning why we continue on. This woman can be kind, generous and caring but rarely, and there’s little joy in any of our relations with her. Help, please.

— Overwhelmed by Negativity

Dear Eric: My sister’s daughter is getting married in the fall. My 20-year-old daughter has not been invited because it is “adults only.” This upsets both of us because she is close to her cousin.

When I asked if she could attend the wedding ceremony, I was told that I wasn’t even invited to the wedding ceremony because it was immediate family only, although the seven bridesmaids will outnumber the wedding guests.

Now I will be driving several hours to attend the reception. It feels like a long trip just for dinner. Just sending a gift will upset my sister. I am not sure how to handle this situation.

— Reception Only

Dear Reception: I do empathize with your disappointment about not being invited to the ceremony, but on a technical level the difference between a reception-only experience and one that includes the ceremony is probably only an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Yes, that’s a crucial hour, emotionally, legally, religiously, if they’re so inclined. But it might help you to think of the reception not as lesser, but just different.

Now, this doesn’t mean you’re required to go. If you find that thinking of the reception in a different way doesn’t assuage your hurt feelings, that’s fine. You can decide to send a gift and spare yourself the drive. But there probably isn’t a way to skip the event and not offend your sister.

I often get questions about weddings; people have different requests and requirements of their guests. It’s good for marrying couples to assume everyone’s best intentions and best efforts and be understanding of their guests. It’s also great for guests to say to themselves, this is their special day, and I want to be there to help make it special.

Tell your sister you want to make it special, but you’re feeling like an afterthought. Maybe she has some insight.

Dear Eric: I am recently widowed and have never seen my problem addressed. My spouse was a wonderful person. I now have the remnants and reminders of our 38 years together literally everywhere. Hobbies, clothes, boat motors, guitars, golf clubs, yard tools, woodworking supplies. My children would love for me to continue living with it all. How do I separate from it?

— Mementos

Dear Mementos: I’m sorry for your loss; mementos can be a comfort or a hard reminder. And sometimes they’re both. The complicated feelings you’re likely feeling aren’t unusual. There are options. Reach out to a senior downsizer or a professional organizer and enlist their help. They won’t start giving things away right off the bat. Rather, they’ll help you think through what you want your space to look like and they can help navigate conversations with your kids about handing things off.

It sounds like your children are experiencing part of their grief as sentimentality. That’s completely understandable. But the solution isn’t for your house to remain a museum. They can take mementos that mean something to them. Then you all, as a family, can thank the other mementos for what they gave to you and what they represent, then release them to another life.

Take your time with this. I imagine it’s overwhelming being surrounded by reminders of your fresh loss every day. Start small, perhaps by creating a space — a room, a corner — that is just yours to fill up or leave empty as you get to know this new version of yourself and process your feelings.

Dear Eric: This is in response to “Rambling Relative,” whose 84-year-old mother had no cognitive issues but had begun rambling and repeating herself on their phone calls.

The letter writer may want to try this:

When she starts talking about people or events you don’t know anything about, get a pad and pencil and write down notes. Make sure you tell her you are doing this so maybe she will get to the point. (You can repeat each one back to her as if you are trying to get it right.) If you are a praying person, you can tell her you will take time to pray for them during the week.

The next time you talk to her, go down the list and ask how each one is doing. If she starts to ramble on about one of them, summarize by saying, “So no improvement there,” or “I’m glad so and so is doing better.” Then move on to the next one. After you finish the list, tell her something about your life, or ask her how she likes the weather, etc.

Dear Eric: I live in an apartment with my 22-year-old daughter. She had a really bad high school experience that was broken up by Covid, so remote learning didn’t go well either. She eventually got her diploma but since then has not been able to find a job. We are going on about a year and a half now. She applies but doesn’t even get interviews.

This is going to sound selfish, but I want to move away with my boyfriend of seven years so that we can start living our life together (we do not currently live together). I know my daughter is an adult, but she is far from self-sufficient and makes no money to pay rent/bills/groceries.

I cannot kick her out onto the streets; I don’t have it in me to see her struggle like that. I can’t take her with us because they don’t get along. I’m kind of at my wits end here because I don’t know how to change my situation so that I will be able to leave with my boyfriend and also make sure that my daughter can take care of herself. Please, help me.

— Feeling Helpless

Dear Feeling Helpless: Pull your daughter into this conversation. Be honest with her about what your goals are and ask her what her goals are. And then work together to make a plan. It’s been kind and loving of you to provide for her as she struggles with independence. But it will actually be empowering for you to engage her, adult to adult. She’s going to need these skills whether or not she gets a job.

Maybe she needs training in a specific field or further education; maybe she can cobble together income from gig work. Maybe there are other relatives or friends that she can assist for money or in exchange for housing. I’m not saying this will be an easy process for her, or for you. But something needs to change in her life, and you want something to change in your life. The first step is asking her, “what do you plan to do and how can I help?”

Dear Eric: I have a soft voice that has been criticized by many. I took a required speech class in college, and the instructor made up an emergency and asked if anyone would believe me if I told them about it.

I overheard my principal tell a colleague, “It’s a wonder she had any control over her (elementary) class with that voice.” I am so tired of being talked over by others. Sometimes, I have to start saying something three or four times before people listen. Sometimes, I just give up. Sometimes, I feel like I should act like a child, raise my hand and wait to be called on. Help!

— Quiet as a Mouse

Dear Quiet: Despite what your principal said, I’m presuming you do have control over your elementary school class. You’ve developed tactics that don’t rely on your voice’s volume. Give yourself credit for finding other ways to command attention, teach material and maintain order. Perhaps there are ways of applying some of your classroom skills in other areas in life.

Also, look into a class or training with a vocal coach or acting teacher. The voice is an instrument and, like any other instrument, “loud” isn’t always the best setting. Consider a piccolo or a clarinet; when played correctly, they can be quite arresting without very much volume. Similarly, a teacher trained in the voice can work with your specific instrument, show you its features — your vocal cords, your diaphragm, your breathing, etc. — and guide you in ways of using it effectively without having to shout.

Dear Eric: My husband and I enjoy hosting dinner and cards with other couples. This is also reciprocated by a few other friends. I’ve found it cringe-worthy due to the fact that they don’t want to play a game that takes some thought. It’s a game that just relies on the luck of the draw.