DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, I started spending time with a woman I knew casually for about a year following her traumatic breakup with her ex-boyfriend. At first, we were just friends, but it quickly progressed as we opened up and shared everything about ourselves with each other. She continued insisting we were “just friends” and went out with other men, which, at the time, didn’t bother me. 

Two months in, we started being intimate. Three months ago, she began referring to me, her puppy and herself as “a family,” talking about future kids and grandkids. She asked to meet my parents and made sure I met hers when they came to town. I began believing this was going to be a long-term thing, even though she still insisted we were just friends.

Three weeks ago, she met and started dating another guy. She told me she still wants to be best friends, that she had been “50-50” the entire time about whether to date me but couldn’t commit because she wasn’t physically attracted to me, despite having sex with me for many months. She said she was physically attracted to me sometimes but didn’t feel that way all the time — and she thought she should be. I cut things off with her. I’m extremely hurt, and I don’t understand her decision. Can you help? — REJECTED IN COLORADO

DEAR REJECTED: I can try. The “friend” you were dating and intimate with may be an adult chronologically, but she is emotionally immature. Intense physical attraction is great while it lasts, but in many cases, it diminishes with time. Lasting relationships like marriage depend upon more than that to succeed. Give her marks for honesty and be glad you found out what her true nature is, but also realize that you dodged a bullet. All women are not like her, and you will meet one you can trust.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine recently got married. We are pretty close. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. (Unfortunately, I had to decline due to scheduling conflicts.) I attended the wedding, bringing an appropriate gift, only to find out a few months later that the marriage was never legally registered. It had just been a commitment ceremony. When I asked why she didn’t announce it as such, she said she wanted people to think it was a real wedding. 

I’m feeling a bit betrayed, and I wonder how her other guests would feel if they found out. I’m not sure I would have bought such an expensive gift if I had known beforehand. Is there a rule of etiquette for this sort of thing, or am I overthinking it? — WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: Your reaction is understandable. While no formal rule of etiquette forbids lying to one’s friends and loved ones, the Bible has something to say about it. Your friend wanted a party. She wanted gifts. She and her boyfriend did not want a legal commitment that lasts a lifetime or they would have had an actual wedding.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is having an affair with an old flame from when she was in high school. He was just released from prison after serving time for murder. I have forgiven her, but I told her to stop the contact. She said she’d rather divorce me than do that; I would have to live with what’s going on. I love my wife, so I compromise for now.

She now has put me out of the marital bed, and I am not allowed to touch or hug her. I still do my husband-type chores. Please, I need your advice. — SIDELINED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SIDELINED: I am sorry for your pain, of which I’m sure there is plenty. By ousting you from the marriage bed, your wife has effectively deserted you. You may forgive her for the ongoing affair, but tolerating the status quo will not save your marriage. It is important that you seek legal counsel now to help you in the months ahead, because you are going to need it. 

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my husband and I loaned my son and his wife $6,000 to pay for the doctors to flip my daughter-in-law’s baby so she could have a natural childbirth. Since then, she has been extremely rude and verbally abusive to me. I am not allowed to visit or post any pictures of the baby, even though her mom stayed with them for three months. How do I ask them for our money back? — SECOND THOUGHTS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: It isn’t unusual with a first baby for a new mother to want her mother with her rather than her MIL. Was there a written agreement that you would be repaid the money you gave your son and his wife for the delivery? If there wasn’t, you may be out of luck. I wish you had mentioned why your daughter-in-law’s attitude toward you has changed so radically. Until you understand the reason, there will be no chance to heal this breach.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with my neighbor “Mary” for 30 years. She has developed Alzheimer’s disease and needs constant supervision. Her husband refuses to place her in a facility, even though family members tell him he needs to. I have watched Mary a few times, and it was nerve-racking. She wanders off and undoes anything that we did. 

Mary’s husband came over alone recently and told me he had hired a professional to watch her. Then he offered me $2 an hour less than the professional. (The professional has never watched her.) I told him I couldn’t do it and that he needs the professional. He is now telling friends that I am no longer a “friend” because I wasn’t there when needed. He barely talks to me anymore and doesn’t wave when I drive by. What can I do? — OUT OF FAVOR IN FLORIDA

DEAR OUT: Your neighbor has a crushing 24-hour responsibility on his shoulders, but he shouldn’t be blaming you for your inability to relieve it. Do not expect him to smile and wave, and don’t be sorry you refused his offer. What you must do now is explain to these mutual friends what happened — that you watched Mary a few times but managing her was too stressful for you, and that is why her husband is mad at you. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: For four years, I tried to get my stubborn husband to get his hearing checked, once I realized it was decreasing. When he finally did, he had lost a significant amount. Now he seems to be declining mentally, and he refuses to get a checkup. I have told him that if he does not get himself checked out now to hopefully stop or slow down the process, I will not be there for him when he is in serious decline. Do you have any advice? — ULTIMATUM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ULTIMATUM: This is a tough one. When dementia starts happening, the person doesn’t always recognize what’s occurring. I am hoping that your husband has a doctor he sees annually for routine checkups. If he does, contact the doctor and explain your concerns so he or she can start “casually” evaluating your spouse during the next visit. 

If he doesn’t have a doctor, reach out to the Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) for specific advice on how to proceed. Be patient and persistent. The changes you are perceiving are not your husband’s fault. The reason he is resistant to getting help may be fear.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter entered her teens, she and her friends began borrowing each other’s clothes. I didn’t approve, and I warned my daughter that if anything became lost or damaged, I would not be responsible, nor would I replace the item. She said she understood and continued the practice.

As I predicted, some of her clothes went missing or were damaged. One particular incident occurred when she borrowed a tennis sweater from a casual friend whose parents I was not friendly with. When I unloaded the hamper to do the laundry, unbeknownst to me, the sweater fell in with other clothes that did not require special care. 

I first noticed the sweater when I retrieved the clothes from the dryer. It had shrunk. When I pointed this out to my daughter, she just shrugged and gave it back to her friend. Soon after, I received an angry phone call from the girl’s mother demanding that I reimburse her $75 for the sweater, which her daughter had loaned to mine without her permission. 

I told her about my conversation with my daughter involving the practice of borrowing clothes and said that since her daughter loaned the sweater WITHOUT her permission, her daughter should assume responsibility. She became furious with me, going on and on about how much she loved the sweater, but I stood firm. Was I wrong? — TEACHABLE MOMENT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TEACHABLE MOMENT: You should not have been responsible for reimbursing the mother for the sweater. Before loaning it to your daughter, the girl should have asked her mother’s permission, just as your daughter should do before she lends one of her garments to anyone. If anyone owes that mother for the sweater, it is your daughter, who broke the rule, which resulted in the item being damaged.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter entered her teens, she and her friends began borrowing each other’s clothes. I didn’t approve, and I warned my daughter that if anything became lost or damaged, I would not be responsible, nor would I replace the item. She said she understood and continued the practice.

As I predicted, some of her clothes went missing or were damaged. One particular incident occurred when she borrowed a tennis sweater from a casual friend whose parents I was not friendly with. When I unloaded the hamper to do the laundry, unbeknownst to me, the sweater fell in with other clothes that did not require special care. 

I first noticed the sweater when I retrieved the clothes from the dryer. It had shrunk. When I pointed this out to my daughter, she just shrugged and gave it back to her friend. Soon after, I received an angry phone call from the girl’s mother demanding that I reimburse her $75 for the sweater, which her daughter had loaned to mine without her permission. 

I told her about my conversation with my daughter involving the practice of borrowing clothes and said that since her daughter loaned the sweater WITHOUT her permission, her daughter should assume responsibility. She became furious with me, going on and on about how much she loved the sweater, but I stood firm. Was I wrong? — TEACHABLE MOMENT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TEACHABLE MOMENT: You should not have been responsible for reimbursing the mother for the sweater. Before loaning it to your daughter, the girl should have asked her mother’s permission, just as your daughter should do before she lends one of her garments to anyone. If anyone owes that mother for the sweater, it is your daughter, who broke the rule, which resulted in the item being damaged.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: At sundown, it is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. — LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 60s. For the last five years, we have been having some great fun. We dress up, role-play, and invite friends to join us from time to time. It has been wonderful and has kept us young. 

Then one of our adult children had to move back home. He never goes out. His girlfriend comes and stays the weekends. Needless to say, he has put a damper on our fun. We are down in the dumps come Monday when we go back to work, so we play when we can.

We have gone to hotels, but it’s not the same freedom. My husband says our son is an adult and we should do what we would do if he wasn’t home. He can either accept it or move out. Abby, what are your thoughts? — EMPTY NESTERS NO MORE

DEAR EMPTY NESTERS NO MORE: It is your home, and you should be free to do whatever you wish in it. You definitely need to have a conversation with your son and make plain that there are times when you and your husband need “privacy.” If he asks why, tell him the truth. Then suggest that on some weekends, he and his girlfriend stay at her place.

DEAR ABBY: I was married for 14 years to my son’s father. During that time, he cheated on me and was talking to a lot of other women. When I told my family we were divorcing, one of my siblings got angry with me, telling me I needed to do everything I could to make it work. 

People I thought would be there for me no longer were. People turned their backs on me, including fellow church members. Some friends stood by me, though. It hurt me so much. What was once a close-knit family was now torn apart. 

I met a man who lives an hour and a half away from me. He treats me and my son wonderfully. I chose to move to the same town as my boyfriend, but my son didn’t want to leave his sports and friends. He told me it was OK and that he would just stay with his dad. I was torn. But then my siblings started running their mouths about me leaving my son, so I changed my mind and stayed. My boyfriend was OK with it because he loves my son and wants what is best for him. 

My ex and my siblings constantly hang out and do things. My ex is always invited to gatherings and events, while I never even get a text message asking how things are going for me. It hurts, and I have sunk into a deep depression because of this. Is there something I have done wrong? — DEPRESSED DIVORCEE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DIVORCEE: You did NOTHING wrong. It’s clear to me that your family has always been more attached to your unfaithful ex than to you. I don’t blame you for feeling hurt and depressed. That said, however, I think you should move to resume your relationship with your boyfriend. In a new town, there will be fewer reminders of this sad chapter of your life, and you can make new friends and build a new life. If your depression lingers, counseling will put you on the right track.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069

Folks, we’re almost out of the woods.

On Friday, March 20, Mercury, our planet of the mind and mouth and the mischief that lives between, ends its retrograde.

Mercury is the planet of communication, connection, expression, media, technology, travel, and commerce. It is the fastest-moving celestial body in our sky, second only to the moon.

Mercury has been backspinning in Pisces, its least favorite place to be and sign to shine in, since February 26.

Mercury will station direct at 3:32 p.m. ET at 8°29 degrees of Pisces, but will remain in its post-retrograde shadow or retroshade until April 9. During this post-game wrap-up, we’re tasked with integrating everything we’ve learned or been taught over the past few weeks.

Mercury is both in fall and in detriment in Pisces, which makes communication murky when the planet is direct in these mutable waters and opaque AF when it’s retrograde.

Contrary to the terminology, Mercury and other planets do not ever move backward in space; they merely slow down, a deceleration that appears to be a reversal from our vantage point on Earth. Mercury slips into this illusory backspin three or four times a year.

As above, so below, my friends, as this optical illusion can translate to us earthlings feeling like we are stuck, impeded, or regressing during this transit.

When Mercury is direct, the realms that it rules generally move smoothly, communication is clear, words are our friends, and we are infinitely less likely to accidentally send a nude to the family or work group chat.

When the planet goes retrograde, all bets are off.

Mercury loves logic, details, research, conversation, and the honey bee accumulation of information.

However, Mercury in Pisces is more concerned with how things feel or could be rather than how they are. In this sign, Mercury prefers research that looks like reading soap scum in the bathtub for symbols.

Mercury wants clarity, and Pisces is about as clear as an iridescent oil spill.

While Pisces is the most psychic, imaginative, and intuitive of all zodiac signs, it is also the most prone to delusion and self-deception.

“During this retrograde, discernment is everything,” said astrologer and spiritual advisor Latha Jay. “Ask yourself: am I seeing clearly, or am I projecting what I want to see or what I wish was true?” 

Add to the punch bowl that retrogrades bring up and dig up people and themes from the past, and Pisces is the sign of romantic hallucination.

Translation: a high time for haunting when exes reemerge, and the draw of blinking back at them through rose-colored glasses is nigh.

We’re pulled to the past not as punishment, but as a necessary step toward progress.

All that has come before is bubbling up from the underbelly for three primary purposes:

• To show us how far we’ve actually come and how much healing we’ve woven between then and now
• To draw our attention to a lesson we’ve failed to learn/a truth we’ve been avoiding
• To deal us a little karmic test, providing a choice that keeps us in a familiar cycle alongside an option that serves our evolution.

“Making concrete, life-altering decisions now is like trying to read a map underwater—the details are blurred. The shadow side here involves confusion, escapism, and the potential for old addictive patterns to resurface,” Hong Kong-based certified counselor and award-winning astrologist Letao Wang told The Post.

If you’ve been having trouble finding a steady place to land amid this tumult or are confused about what to do, your body is the truest compass point.

When Mercury retrogrades through a water sign, as it is now and will be for the rest of this year’s retrogrades, we are called to listen to the water we are made of.

There’s an old British idiom, “to feel it in your waters,” used to describe a deep psychic certainty, and never has there been a better time to call it in

Pay close attention to your nervous system in the coming days; if your hackles raise or your stomach clenches, it’s a no-go. If you feel at ease and/or energized, go forth.

Onward and upward, even when feeling backward, folks.

For specifics on what and who to purge during the last gasp of this retrograde, see here and for tarot insights, here.

For full March predictions and general astro weather, read your monthly horoscope.

Mercury retroshade

While Mercury stations direct on March 20, it will not clear its post-retrograde shadow or retroshade until April 9.

Next Mercury retrograde

After this cycle, Mercury will go retrograde in the sign of Cancer on June 29th. It will station direct on July 23 and clear its post-retrograde shadow on August 6.

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture, and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.

Dear Eric: I have a friend that I generally enjoy spending time with, however she feels the need to constantly put into the conversation how great she is. I call it “Tooting Your Own Horn.” She can be very dramatic in general; I usually just don’t engage with those comments, because giving it air would be validating her grandiose ideas of her own self-worth.

The thing is, she’s not a bad person, and will definitely be there if you need her, but this constant self-promotion is very off-putting. Calling her out directly would make her angry and defensive, because she is, after all, the best.

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this type of behavior? Avoiding her isn’t an option.

— Tired of It

Dear Tired: You wrote that you generally ignore her grandiose statements and that might continue to be the best course of action if you enjoy your friend’s other aspects and don’t want to talk to her about it. You might also reframe these statements in your mind. It’s quite possible that she feels the need to toot her own horn because of some deeper insecurity. Maybe she feels she needs to call herself great because she secretly believes she isn’t.

Or maybe she’s just conceited. Or has high self-confidence. Whatever the reason, one tactic is to remind yourself, “this is something she needs to do; it doesn’t have any bearing on me.” It won’t completely prevent it from being annoying, but it may lessen its impact on your relationship.

Another option is to approach this habit with curiosity. The next time she toots her own horn, you can ask about it instead of ignoring it. “I’ve noticed you make comments about that a lot. Have you noticed that, too? Can you tell me what it’s about?”

Dear Eric: I’m a 54-year-old divorced dad. I was dating a woman for just over six months. In a lot of ways, it was the healthiest relationship I’ve had in a long time. We had strong alignment on the “big things” (values, lifestyle, interests, chemistry, kindness). We supported each other through real-life stuff, and I genuinely felt we were building something solid.

Then it ended very suddenly.

On a Tuesday morning, she texted that she was “having doubts” and that things had been “building up.” We talked the next morning and she said, “the little things became bigger than the big things.” She listed several specific issues — my house (decor/cleanliness), my sense of humor (I’m playful; she’s more serious), worries about travel because I have teenage boys, and concerns about finances/retirement stability.

What I’m struggling with isn’t that she had concerns. It’s that I didn’t know they had grown into deal-breakers, and there was no “work on it together” phase. It felt like she quietly decided, then delivered the verdict. When we met one last time, she was worried I’d try to convince her; I told her I wasn’t. I just wanted to be heard and to understand. It still felt final and shut down.

Here’s where I’m stuck: I still care about her. I’m also hurt and honestly shocked at how quickly she cut it off given how good it felt overall.

Is there any healthy reason to reach out again, or is the kindest thing (to both of us) to let it be? How do you get closure when someone ends a relationship quickly and you never really get to talk through it?

— Sleepless in Louisville

Dear Sleepless: This is a really tough way to be broken up with. It often feels quite unfair. However, the issue that makes this breakup sudden and painful is the same issue that can lead to unhappiness in on-going relationships: an inability on the part of one or both people to communicate with openness and vulnerability.

So, without a track record or playbook for clear communication, I worry that any further contact is going to just hurt you more, rather than give you the closure you seek. Closure is, itself, a form of communication.

Dear Eric: I’m 35 years old with a dad who is 67. We talk frequently about business, sports and politics. We talk just by ourselves and as a group with my wife and mother.

The issue is that my dad asks me questions that are simple to look up online. They very often do not relate to the conversation and are silly.

I have brought up my issue with him doing this before and his response is “it gives us something to talk about” and that there would be nothing to talk about if we lived by the motto “don’t ask it if you can find the answer on Google.”

He has the newest iPhone and knows how to use it well. When he asks me questions, if I don’t know the answer, I google it and share, but I get frustrated. After one or two times I get short and want to end the conversation quickly. Any advice to make our conversations more stress free is much appreciated.

— Not Google

Dear Not Google: Flawed though his methods may seem, I think your dad’s heart is in the right place and I’d encourage you to think about it in a different way. Though you have a good conversational relationship, there’s still clearly something in him that feels the need to add more material to keep the conversation going. Maybe it’s something that’s really lacking in your talks, maybe it comes from an insecurity that he has. It’s not for me to say. But try to think of these questions as offerings. He wants to engage with you, and that’s a gift.

Now, not all gifts are what we want, exactly. See if you can find some interest in the search for answers. Try asking him questions about the results or ask him to find it and inform you instead. There’s also something to be said for a long deep dive into Wikipedia. A simple question like “Who was Princess Grace of Monaco married to?” can lead to all manner of other factoids and curiosities. So, maybe the next time he asks, give him the simple answer and follow-up with some trivia that fascinates you.

Most importantly, however, every time you find yourself getting annoyed, see if you can reframe the request in your mind. It may help if you think of every benign question as a way of your father saying, “I like talking to you and I want to keep doing it.”

Dear Eric: My 98-year-old father is living with dementia. Because it isn’t advanced, he is painfully aware that his memory is failing him. He often recounts things — past and present — that aren’t true. Following advice from the Alzheimer’s Association, our immediate family practices “therapeutic fibbing”: we accept whatever he says as fact to preserve his dignity.

It’s a difficult tightrope to walk, but the hardest part isn’t the caregiving — it’s the silence. Several of Dad’s lifelong friends have stopped calling. I think they feel uncomfortable with the conversations, which, in all honesty, are not always easy. He misses them and has begun to worry he did something wrong to drive them away.

My gut tells me to call these friends and give them a piece of my mind. I’d rather they skip his eventual funeral and just give him five minutes of their time now. Since “shaming” them probably isn’t the best strategy, how can I encourage these old friends to re-engage with a man who needs them now more than ever?

I am hopeful that my Dad’s friends, or others, read this column as a wakeup call to reach out to those who may be suffering in similar situations

Dear Eric: My husband has two sisters. One sister’s adult son and daughter have always been mean to me. It started when the niece and my son by my first marriage dated about five times. She talks negatively about everyone and everything.

He also told me he did not want to cause any family problems, but he also did not want to date her. I told him, do what you need to do as far as dating.

Now 20 years later, she and her brother are still rude and condescending toward me.

The last time I saw them at a funeral, I invited the nephew to come and visit. He replied, “it will never happen.” It hurts.

I have spoken to my husband about their behavior. He just says we will have nothing to do with them. His sister, their mother, has passed but now we will be seeing them at a family funeral. I dread going. I would rather stay home.

My husband insists I go. It’s a four-hour drive. Should I ask them to walk outside and try to find out why they are so mean? Or should I keep ignoring them? I only see them every couple of years.

— Talked About Aunt

Dear Aunt: If you choose to go to the funeral to support your husband, you don’t have to engage with the adult children who have been unkind to you. It takes a lot of energy for them to hold such a deep grudge over a failed relationship (if one can call five dates that). That’s clearly an engine that is going to run whether you put gas in it or not.

At this point, it’s probably wise to chalk this up to a “them problem.” I know it hurts to be condescended to, but I think you’ll be setting yourself up for more hurt by trying to push a conversation, especially since they have so far resisted having one.

Since you don’t have to see them very much outside of this funeral, try as best you can to put them and this relationship out of your mind. Some people just don’t mix, and, from your telling, you have nothing to make amends for. Best to just say, “I’m sorry for your loss” and then go be with people who respect you — your husband, his second sister, and others.

Dear Eric: I have been best friends with “Vera” for more than 35 years. She was a great support when I went through a divorce in my late 30s and always was insightful. Throughout our friendship she was always trying to “help” everyone and in the majority of cases it was unsolicited and unwanted.

Over the years, I have watched her friends distance themselves by severely limiting how often they interact with Vera. Several of her siblings are a mess and she has always bailed them out.

I am now almost 68 years old and Vera has worn me out. I found that if I speak with her more often than every five to six weeks, she cannot control herself and offers unsolicited advice and suggestions.

I have to mentally prepare myself prior to calling. I no longer share personal information because she wants to dissect and insert herself. I have very clearly told her to back off with the advice. She thinks I am angry. I’ve explained I am very annoyed that she cannot or will not respect that I don’t need “fixing”.

In spite of me clearly and repeatedly telling her if I would like her advice, I will ask but would just prefer an “ear”.

I’m at the point where I am seriously considering letting this friendship fade away. What to do?

Dear Eric: Our son, who is in college, began losing his hair in high school. It could be genetic, but this does not run in the family. Although he is skinny, he eats terribly. He fills up on junk food, juice and soda. Sometimes he eats nothing.

When he lived at home, I could influence at least some of what he ate, but he always denied there was anything wrong. His pediatrician (male, for what it’s worth) always dismissed my concerns. I helped him find a new doctor when he turned 18 but now that he’s an adult, there is even less I can do.

We know that he is unhappy with how he looks. My husband has tried to talk to him gently about speaking with his doctor specifically about his hair and its connection to his diet and potentially an underlying health problem. On a side note, our son has occasionally seen a counselor at school about unrelated issues, when we suggested it, so he does not always reject our advice out of hand, like he does with this.

If he liked the way he looks, and if it were totally clear that this isn’t a health issue, we would leave it alone. But given the circumstances, do we need to leave it alone anyway?

— Concerned Mother

Dear Mother: Right now, the most supportive thing you can do for your son is continuing to listen to him and provide help when asked for. He’s on a journey with his body — as we all are. And while there are a variety of hair treatments available and many different resources for getting help with one’s diet, he has to learn to be proactive about them if he wants something to change. While it’s hard for parents to watch their children feel around in the dark, this kind of independent decision-making is an important part of development.

Lead with curiosity instead of concern as much as possible here. You can ask him about his feelings about himself or his eating habits but try to focus more on asking him about who he is, what he wants and what’s going on in his life. As he spreads his wings in college, it will help him to understand how an adult solves a problem. That problem could be as complex as addressing hair loss with a professional, or as simple as “how do I make dinner for myself?”

Dear Eric: I was surprised by your response to “Not the Girlfriend” who wanted the man she described as her boyfriend to, in words, ask her to be his girlfriend (assuming that represents exclusivity). They’ve been dating for six weeks, and he has told her he loves her.

I’m quite old, but don’t think I’m so old-fashioned in thinking that six weeks into a relationship is a bit too soon to be trying to nail things down. She didn’t mention how often they see each other but at six weeks you’re really just getting to know someone. Good relationships take time. And she’s already frustrated by the situation. I know there have been successful relationships that worked right from the get-go, but they’re rare.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know a dating partner’s level of interest/seriousness. But I wonder what her rush is.

Maybe the guy thinks of her as his girlfriend without explicitly saying so. After all, he’s already said he loves her.

By the way, at six weeks, even sooner, you can certainly feel “in love” but at that stage you’re filling in the aspects that you still don’t know about your love interest with qualities you imagine are true.

— Reader

Dear Reader: I’m very grateful for this letter. It made me think about the original letter in a new way — and, not for nothing, made me ruminate for a while on the nature of love, which is always a very nice way to spend one’s time. I agree with you.

Dear Eric: I’m 65 and have been retired for the past two years. To stay active, I went to work as a personal driver for a very wealthy man. I’m salaried, so when he travels (on average one week a month) I still get paid. It’s really not about the money; I enjoy the position.

What I don’t like is getting the schedule on Friday (for my personal planning purposes). Often the schedule drastically changes usually with little notice, sometimes the same day.

I have had several conversations with him about being more transparent, so I may plan my time off. Several times I changed plans to accommodate him.

I asked him to please update the schedule as soon as he makes plans. His response is for me to inform his assistant. I spoke to his assistant who told me she updates the calendar immediately and then it’s added to my calendar, which may take a day or two.

I asked him to send the updates directly to me since I’m the one who is responsible for driving him. His response was “I don’t know how to add to the driving calendar.”

I told him to text me the information and I’ll add it to the calendar. He said he would, but he says a lot of stuff and never follows through. What can you add to assist in this issue?

— Driver Being Driven Nuts

Dear Driver: One option is to ask his assistant to give you access to the main calendar that updates immediately, so that you can make plans more quickly. I’m not sure whether this is feasible — perhaps he has things on there that he doesn’t need you to see. But it can’t hurt to ask her.

Because he has a driver and an assistant — and probably other staff — it sounds like he wants to offload a lot of the logistics of his life. So, asking him to do more communicating about something he purposefully doesn’t want to be involved in may be a nonstarter for him.

If you can’t get access to the main calendar, you may have to decide whether this is still a job that works for your life. It may be that you want more control over your own schedule and this isn’t a job that allows for that. It’s fine to say this was a great opportunity that you enjoyed for a time, but now you want your time back.

Dear Eric: My husband and I are in the same situation as “Left at Home,” who struggled with envy about her husband’s work trips.

My husband has a job he dislikes, but it is his own business, and he can’t leave it until he retires. I travel occasionally for work. When I travel, I stay at nicer hotels, eat at nicer restaurants and sometimes do interesting things, but I’d rather not travel for work anymore.

To my husband, my travel is exciting and he feels envious. Left at Home said that her husband tells her he doesn’t want to go on the trips anymore but then tells her about all the good food and fun things that were planned for them. She thinks he is disingenuous and feels like the trips and experiences are distancing her from him.

I believe her husband. I don’t like traveling anymore. I face long flight delays and cancellations. Getting up at 3 a.m. to make a flight. Spending nights alone in hotels, missing my husband and my family. Long drives in unfamiliar places often late at night because my flight was delayed. Long meaningless meetings.

Yes, I come home and tell him that I had an interesting site visit, or that I ate some wonderful food at a unique restaurant, but I do that because I want to share my experiences with the person I love. I also share the bad experiences, but he also thinks I’m being disingenuous. Believe me, I’m not. I’d rather not travel anymore. It isn’t glamorous and exciting.

I hope she gives him the benefit of the doubt and stops giving him a hard time. If he needs the job and the job comes with travel, then she should accept it gracefully and find other things to do, as you recommended.