In Cranbrook, B.C., volunteers Deb Smithurst and Barb Fenwick are turning clothing belonging to loved ones who have passed away into hand-sewn memory bears — small keepsakes made from shirts, sweaters and even wedding dresses.

At a table, fabric is laid out and measured. Pieces are cut, then sewn together. What was once part of someone’s everyday life is reshaped into something new, but still connected to who they were.

In a smaller community like Cranbrook, efforts like this are one way people are supporting each other through grief, at a time when more Canadians say they need help, but aren’t getting enough of it.

For many families, the process begins with a story.

They bring in items that carry meaning, something worn often, something tied to a memory and talk about the person behind the clothing.

Smithurst and Fenwick say those conversations are part of the process.

“When they tell you the stories of the things that they did together, how they grew up together and all those kinds of things. You think of those things when you’re making the bear,” Smithurst said.

Fenwick says making the bears is often emotional in its own right.

“It was quite an honour, because this had been quite a process for this person to get to the point where that clothing could be turned into an animate object rather than just a flat piece of material,” the volunteer said.

Personal stories

For Cranbrook resident Wendy Sallenbach, the clothing that she donated belonged to her father.

She is having four bears made — one for herself, one for her mother and one for each of her nieces.

“Part of the process of going through the clothes, I thought that having a bear made would be a good way to memorialize [my father’s] favourite clothes,” Sallenbach said.

One shirt stood out in particular.

“So, this well loved shirt of dad’s made in Canada, he wore often back in the day,” she said, pointing to a worn pocket.

“This shirt just screams Dad.”

Turning that shirt into a bear, she said, gives her family something tangible.

Kimberley, B.C., resident Ashlee Taylor described a similar experience after bringing in clothing that belonged to her grandmother, including a dress her grandmother wore while walking her down the aisle.

“She was my best friend,” Taylor said. “So to have these, it’s like having a little piece of her with me now.”

Why objects matter

Marney Thompson, director of bereavement services at Victoria Hospice, says that kind of attachment is not unusual.

“When we first lose somebody, we feel that absence in our life so acutely and painfully. And I think physical reminders of our people really help to kind of reassure and ground us in that lasting legacy of that person in our lives,” she said.

Thompson says objects like memory bears can become what grief workers sometimes think of as a continuing bond.

“Those bears then become a real physical, concrete connection with somebody who’s lost, I think in a very meaningful and comforting way for people who’ve experienced a death,” she said.

Thompson says grief is often misunderstood as something people are supposed to get over.

“I think grief is actually something that we learn to live with,” she said.

Support in smaller communities

George Watson, chair of the Cranbrook and Kimberley Hospice Society, says initiatives like this can play a meaningful role in helping people cope with loss.

“It is a very comforting concept, something that people can either hold, and it’s just a warm memory of the person that has passed,” he said.

He says the need for bereavement support is growing almost on a daily basis.

Each bear costs $75 to make, with about $50 from each one donated to the Cranbrook and Kimberley Hospice Society.

Watson says support like this comes as the East Kootenay region currently does not have a dedicated hospice house.

He says the society hopes to establish one in the region, with community contributions helping move that goal forward.

This year, the organization has organized five grief support groups and is reintroducing a grief walk program. One of the biggest challenges, he says, is simply making people aware that help exists.

And for some families, that support may begin with something simple.

A piece of clothing. A memory. And something people can hold.

“To see someone hold the bear, smell it and cuddle it, and the comfort it brings, can really help them through the grieving process,” Watson said.